What is considered "normal" timeframe for not hearing from your boyfriend

I think anything more than a couple of days is a bit much. I would rather talk every other day (not text/ speak for long hours but at least exchange a few messaged and maybe have short phone calls)

Sin.. if we talked every couple of days and exchanged a few short text messages in between, I’d be thrilled with that. I’ve come to hate text as the primary mode of communication he insists on having with me

tell him, of course what exactly you would like to have as a communication, what’s acceptable to you, be very clear with this.

* I meant it’s not normal

Abby, we only get to see each other for a few hours about once a week. Sometimes we don’t see each other for 2-3 weeks which is why I’m so hung up on this. I will say that when we do see each other, it’s quality time. Like the texting if I declined a request to see him he gets angered… I have been declining invites regularly for months now because I’m sick of feeling like I’m at his beckoning call. It works to some extent but the moment I relax he reverts back so I’m feeling constantly on guard trying not to give to much.

Seems simple enough but when you know your heart aches for someone it’s not easy to just walk away. Ultimatums don’t work. I’ve tried to correct the problem by modifying my own behavior rather than nagging him to change

Considering you’ve been on and off for that long time then I’d say his MIA occassional status is probably normal since the relationship isn’t very stable.

for whatever reason you’ve been so on and off is probably also the reason why he goes MIA, they are related.

In a consistent loving committed relationship men don’t really go MIA, at least not the men I had good relationships with.

You might want to think about why you are engaging in an on off relationship with a man that keeps you on edge.

I don’t know Mia…he disappears for longer if you bring up the fact that you want more communication. He gets angry if you talk about how you feel. He expects you to reply to him immediately, but he has trained you not to initiate contact with him. He might see your emotions as manipulation, but from my perspective he’s the one who sounds manipulative.

I understand that if he has been hurt in the past it might cause him to feel certain things, but he can’t carry that over into your relationship. That’s not fair to you. You are not asking for too much here. It sounds like you are walking on eggshells with him, and that’s just not healthy.

I’m sure this is really painful for you and I’m sorry you’re going through it. But you need to consider that you deserve someone who actually wants to hear from you. You deserve someone who makes you feel loved.

I was with someone like this for two years who is a dismissive avoidant (read up on attachment styles). Being an avoidant myself, I could understand and even sympathize with his behavior, since I treated pretty much everyone else in my life in the same manner. However, over time I got frustrated that he couldn’t separate this from our relationship. I made a real effort to not treat him the way I treated others; I made time for him, I tried to communicate with him regularly, I didn’t want him to feel neglected or ignored like I’ve heard others complain to me about me being distant. He couldn’t ever seem to at least make the effort for our relationship.

It’s hard being with someone like this, trust me I know. You think it’s no big deal that he should at least call you every couple days, you see each other at least a couple times a week. For the guy I was with, it was like pulling teeth. That’s part of what it’s like being an avoidant; you value independence and space above anything else. Avoidants have completed a mental transformation where they firmly believe they don’t need other people. They will still get there needs for companionship and sex met, but only when it’s convenient for them. So for your bf, its only convenient for him to see you when he feels like it, which may be once a week or even after a couple weeks.

Again, being an avoidant myself, I can understand and relate. But it sucked for me when I made a real effort to change my habits for my relationship; I went out on a limb for him and i was left standing out there alone. We had many arguments and talks about it over and over. I kept reiterating my expectations, told him it was hurtful to be given the silent treatment and I didn’t deserve it. He kept saying it wasn’t personal, it’s just how he was and if I didn’t like it than why did I stay with him. He even acknowledged that I was making good points and asking good questions but he had no answer or solutions for me. He was comfortable how he was and he wasn’t going to change. He point blank said that, “I’m never going to change”.

It is exhausting to be in this situation. You will have to walk because your basic needs aren’t getting met. Mine weren’t either and it was draining. And I was even more upset with myself because i wish I had just treated him the way I treated everyone else, then I wouldn’t have been bothered since I’m an avoidant too.

I did a lot of research on why he acted the way he did and it basically came down to the fact that if I really wanted to be with him I would have to accept him as he was, realize he wouldn’t change, and understand that being with him would be a very lonely place to be. I couldn’t do it. And it doesn’t sound like you can either. No amount of you pulling away or denying his requests to see you will work; he won’t even notice the distance, and even if he steps up, it will be very short lived. He will not change his behavior permanently.

Please do yourself a favor and seriously reconsider staying in this relationship. If you really do want to stay, then you have to change your way of thinking and accept 100% that the way he treats you now is the way he will always treat you and you have to be ok with that.

if any guy ignored my texts, I would ignore his existence. forever. in a relationship, I find normal to exchange at least 1 text EVERY DAY. occasional 1 or 2 days breaks are acceptable. I might tolerate one week without contact, if he told me in advance that he was going to be busy. no more. I really can’t imagine what kind of relationship you can have when you barely see each other and don’t talk on texts or phone either

Not hearing from your BOYFRIEND for 2-3 weeks is insane and unacceptable, in my opinion, unless they were on vacation somewhere super far away. I wouldn’t stand for it, I think I would take that silence and say OK, I’m done here.

I think asking what’s “normal” is a bit hard for a concrete answer because everyone has their own “normal” some ladies are ok not hearing from their bfs for days, maybe some think a week not hearing is ok. Me personally, if I did t hear from my guy in a weeks time, I would suspect that something is terribly wrong. The longest I went not speaking to my guy at the time was 5 days and on the 5th day I was just about to call or text him when I FINALLY received a text from him and it wasn’t good news, he was basically breaking up with me. I left him alone for 5 days because I sensed something was up…

Anyways, “normal” for me and my current relationship, we talk daily, 90% of the time is both by phone and tex combined. I DO NOT require him and I to be in contact every single day, but I’m also not against it, as long as it’s natural and not feeling forced or “I have to” which it’s not. So, in my relationship, if I didn’t hear from my guy for 1 day, I’d be fine…2 days, I might start wondering but would just think he’s super busy…3 days I’d reach out to him because for us 3 days of no contact is not normal for us.

So yeah, it’s all relative depending on your relationship. However, I think your guy is pretty passive aggressive and is not tearing you fairly or properly. I personally couldn’t stand for it. :(

He sounds very abusive, and manipulative, especially getting angry at you for even expressing how his behavior affects you. I would be very concerned about this behavior.s other posters have mentioned there is probably more going on here. His silent treatment that goes as long as three weeks, is something that speaks volumes and is so disrespectful, it certainly very selfish and unloving and uncaring of him to treat you this way.

This guy seems like he only cares about his feelings, he could be a narcissist who thinks he has the right to treat you this way and gets away with his crappy behavior

You have been with him for over four years and I have a feeling there is a lot more unhealthy things happening in your relationship. This is not a reflection on you, clearly he has some serious issues. One way to deal with this behavior, is to go No contact on his ass, just ignore him and go silent on him just the same way he does with you.

In any case, he may just be doing you a favor. May be it;s time to rethink this relationshit..

I am going to be honest with you – if I was you I would walk and not look back. I know it is easier said than done but if you are feeling tense and have such resentment at his behaviour towards you, and this is unlikely to change, then you have two choices: put up or leave. I am sorry to be so blunt, but like I say, I think you need to stand up for yourself and have a think about the kind of behaviour you are receiving – remember, we are only treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated so I would have a think too about whether I deserved better treatment, and maybe working on self-esteem as it sounds like you are trying to save something that maybe should not be saved? I understand he has been hurt in the past but he obviously has issues but does not recognise them, or does not want to acknowledge them. Either way, I suggest this is an unhealthy relationship and for your own peace of mind, and to find a healthy relationship where you feel loved and accepted for being YOU. Remember though, only you can do so much – don’t take on responsibility for his behaviour too or make allowances for it – it all depends on what you want to accept and tolerate.