Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › What is going on
- This topic has 15 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
Bee.
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Bee
My ex and I have been together 3 years. He has often broken up with me and we have ended up back together. Last year I moved out of our shared house. I saw him two days ago and I don’t kiss him goodbye. He has turned down sex several times lately. Today we were discussing our pet going to stay with him for a few days while some work was done on my house. He got upset and hung up on me and messaged to say he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore and he wasn’t attracted to me. That this is what has happened in all his last relationships and he just wants to be single and sleep with 20 year olds. But we can still be friends just no sex. What is going on and is this repairable?
Raven
You want to remain friends- why?!
Raven
What are your ages?
Bee
I am 45 and he is 40. I want to stay together and not sure what to do
Tallspicy
You are not together. You need to wake up.
Tallspicy
This sounds like a hot mess. You need to disappear so he can feel your absence.
Lane
It sounds like everything he’s done to get you out of his life isn’t working so is resorting to being “mean” so that you will eventually get sick of his mistreatment and just go away.
Its time to stop engaging with this man as its destroying your self-worth, self-esteem and self-respect…no man is EVER worth losing that over. Time to accept this man is no good to you or for you by no longer engaging with him, period. keep the pet.
Newbie
I think relationships that turn out solid can endure a break up but a series of break ups within a few years is an unhealthy pattern and a sign of deeper issues thats its not solid. So to me its unclear why you still want to be with him. I think its time to untangle and grieve you lost a long term relationship. I agree with lane his comments show he is really done. Let him be done and do yourself a favour and move on. Sure you need time but first you have to accept its over. I can imagine that as some point you may realize you should have henk done with this guy ages ago. So maybe find some counselor because long term break ups are hard to deal with
Bee
Thanks everyone. The break ups – he has said- were to get me to change. He does them for punishment (again his term) if I haven’t done things his way. He apologises later and continues contact
Newbie
Well great, a guy that manipulates you into doing what he wants. And when he left anyway, you still want more. Im sorry but somehow along the line you lost your sense of selfesteem and selfrespect in this relationship and let him treat you like a doormat. You should be happy you can move on now, but i doubt you will see it that way. Really get a counselor to get your selfrespect and selflove back. Take care
Bee
Oh I know that’s the way it is. I do have low self esteem and he drags me down. I was on the lowest amount of anxiety medication before I met him and am now at the limit I can take. I was in a position where I could let go of people if it wasn’t working and after a month of being with him, I was begging him to stay with me when he would ‘send me home’ if things weren’t to his liking. I am not sure if this is another one of his manipulations or not, but I know I should run in the opposite direction
butterfly
“This sounds like a hot mess. You need to disappear so he can feel your absence.”
I’d like to agree with this and add a “FOREVER.” to it.
butterfly
I think you won’t let this relationship go until you are ready to do so, but I want to tell you: None of this is normal. None of this is healthy. You can find a relationship where you aren’t treated this way. And even more importantly, being alone is amazing and you should try being away from him or any man until you realize what a boss ass b!tch you are.
Newbie
Bee, its so sad to read that. Go find all the strength you can find and do everything in your power to get rid of your feelings for this man. Talk to friends and family, take up a hobby and be realistic about the fact that its better to be single than hung up on this man. This man is the opposite of good for you, he is crack to you. Just trust the fact that being single is fine
Newbie
I usually stay away from terms like abusive. But this types of guys are not emotionally normal themselves. Most likely he is deeply insecure himself disguising with controlling and manipulative behaviour. For you thats that at least emotional abuse that can turn into physical abuse.
Its very hard to break away, you may not able to do it on your own as its a cycle where you feel youre worth nothing and he is the only one that can love you. But its the only way out. Right now you have time to make your head clearer, use it wisely. HugsBee
I really appreciate all of your advice. I do know he is no good for me. He was fired for sexual harassment 5 mths into our relationship and asked me to move in then. He said cause he loved me but I know it was so I would pay for him and his son. He then showed his gratitude by walking out of my grandmas funeral ( he wasn’t comfortable) and after agreeing to IVF pulling the plug at the last moment- cause he didn’t want me to have something to control him with.
I know logically he is not a good person for me to be with. I just need the honest feedback to help me do what I need to so I do appreciate it. Thanks
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