What is the best way to handle this with dignity and class?

Block and delete please

Don’t waste your precious time trying to think of something witty to say to this guy.

He is one opinion, the most important opinion is the one you have of yourself. Your ego is getting in the way. In life some guys will simply say no thanks and that doesn’t make you any less.

Jen, I am sorry you are completely wrong.

1. I view anyone I dated as an ex. It is shorter than typing “someone I dated once”. No need for your LOLs

2. I have not “carried on with” him in any way whatsoever – I have refused all his advances and refused him anything other than friendship.

3. As my post CLEARLY stated, I was fine being friends with him when he admitted that the package he was offering was not for everyone and that he had issues being exclusive, I am no longer fine now he is trying to twist his story.

I talk to looooooots of people. I assure you it is not because I want to marry them.

Your posts are really demeaning – are you aware of that? You seem to have a really low opinion of women that you judge them for being kind /understanding / open to friendships and able to part of good terms with someone they dated. I generally do not feel the need to block and delete everyone I date where it does not work out – I actually have quite a few incredibly good friends made that way.

You seem to glorify men who behave like idiots and condemn the women who give them the benefit of the doubt as being classless and undignified. Maybe rethink your own standards honey.

I think men who behave like this are PATHETIC, and women who condone is and try and blame to other women for the clearly moronic, shallow, adolescent and dysfunctional behavior of emotionally unavailable clowns are worse.

Expect a little more from men, I think!

Trust me, this behavior is not actually normal. Most grown adult men who say they want a relationship and pursue you follow up by acting like they want a relationship. This type of man has issues up the wazoo. A therapist would be there for years and not uncover his Mommy issues

And that’s fine – go ahead – have issues. I bear no ill will. But don;t contact me months after the fact and tell me I was not relationship material. Seems to be a pretty slimeball manoeuvre.

Sophie the women here make very valid points. You are putting way too much thought into this guy and the fact that you continue to respond to his messages is an indication that you still very much are not over him. He is not a friend or an ex you had 3 dates…I have had 2-3 dates with guys who I cut contact once I realize nothing more is coming out of it. They were not an ex they were not a friend!!!!

Your situation is very similar to a friend of mine. She dated a guy for a few weeks they slept together….he vanished after a couple of nights together. A few weeks later she contacts him to see how he is..he admits he became involved with someone else but the girl wanted a serious relationship too soon. So he broke it off….since then he and my friend have been on/off but mostly off. With him saying he isn’t sure what he wants and continues to have a profile online stating he is looking for a good woman. He has told my GF he likes her and is OK with a FWB arrangement..obviously that is not what she wants. Yet she continues to argue that he is a jerk for deceiving women into thinking he wants a relationship when all in honesty he is emotionally unavailable and has no clue what he wants – this is what my friend says. OK well that is his problem not hers and I keep telling her that. I tell her he has clearly told you he wants a FWB if you continue to entertain his texts and calls then that is on you he already pointed out his intentions you can’t ignore that or call him a jerk for telling you his true feelings. Also it is a hurt to the ego because she told me she was hurt when he told her he was dating that other girl his exact words were they were involved but would not make that commitment to my friend. Again, that is your cue to run for the hills. Not everyone is a match and the more you try to decipher what is wrong with him the more time you waste. I keep telling my friend to let go yet she insists that he is attracted to her but is unable to commit to any woman. Well we all thought that about George Clooney didn’t we?????

I don’t understand a word you said.

I do not glorify bad behavior by men.
I also don’t reward it by doing what you are doing.

You are a drama queen, because frankly, if you wanted to end this, you would do so.
Instead you play the victim of sorts and feel as if he is doing something wrong to you.

Just stop talking to him. And stop your own drama. This whole thread of yours makes no sense. You had 3 dates with the guy. He is still trying to get in your pants because you continue to talk to him. You are looking like the fool and not him.

So if you cant figure out how to end this in a ‘classy’ way, then keep on doing what you are doing.

You can only control what YOU do. I am not condoning anything – I’m telling you to stop acting like some weak victim who cant get out of a difficult situation.

I bet this man would not think twice if you simply stopped talking with him. You are wrapped up in your own fantasy about all of this. and you didn’t answer my comment about the fact that I believe the reason you carry on so much about this, is because you think if you come up with some witty, class, dignified text, he will view you differently and change his mind.

L -honestly, I don’t think I have ever not responded to someone’s messages in my life. I don’t understand the concept. If I have a clear reason to not want to talk to someone, I tell them politely. Ignoring is not part of my character.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had lots of guys reject me in the past 20 years dating. It happens in life. This one makes me more angry because he is very manipulative. His language made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and there isn’t. I am happy healthy, prepared for dating and act in ways to facilitate that. He is the one who is a bad prospect for a relationship.

Also, I was not that into him -whether you believe it or not, but I have been kind, patient, understanding and did not give him hell even though he deserved it, so yeah – messaging me that now seems like a particularly bad thing to do when I was extremely generous with him.

As for George Clooney, I think he absolutely had commitment issues. He has admitted he did. He didn’t wait for the miraculous one. It was more a great woman, at the right time and he put effort into dating her with respect. He would not have ended up married to her if he had banged her assistant the first week he met her, and no, I don’t think it’s down to the woman being right or not right. It’s down to whether or not someone is ready / willing for mature dating – and if not they should stay away from normal people.

I will paste the texts below and you will see what I mean. I think it would have offended ANYONE in my position…

Also, who cares if this guy made it sound like you’re the problem? Kind of a jerk thing to say, despite his honesty. If I said that to a guy and he stopped texting me back, I wouldn’t be surprised. He shouldn’t be surprised if he stops hearing from you.

Sophie,
His texts would bother me too… He’s really just reaching for sex, just stop responding to him. I think he’s a bit insensitive anyways. Don’t waste time even trying to think of something good to say back. It won’t change anything. Your ego is taking a hit and that’s all it is. Go date others who see your value or who are a better match for you.

Have you tried therapy?

That text exchange was him trying to flirt and offer sex ONLY to you.
When he said he doesn’t see a relationship with you, your cue should have been to say ‘see ya’ but instead, you lowered yourself to ask him WHY? And how could the text have been in April 2017. We are not even on that date yet?

You got way too invested in a man who clearly only wanted sex from you. I don’t know why you are so obsessed over this other than your ego cant stand the fact he doesn’t want to be with you. You tried to analyze him which is a huge turn off to men. He isn’t shy or insecure. He knows exactly what he wants and doesn’t want.

I don’t think that you do, otherwise you would have just let this go by now.

Therapy… because I have seen women get over 3 year relationships where you are stuck after 3 dates and some raunchy texting.

Reading that text he sounds insecure and not very bright LOL
I wonder if that kind of texting ever gets him anywhere

Sophie-Me thinks you protest too much.

” Knowing that he thinks there is something fundamentally “not girlfriend material” about me specifically actually makes me feel bad and I kind of don’t want to speak to anyone who feels that way about me.”

Your ego got hurt. Who cares if he doesn’t see you as GF material? Three dates is not stringing you along. It is called dating and while he liked you enough to chat and have sex, he doesn’t like your overall intensity. And I can see why – because you are way intense on here about something that is so simple.

If someone doesn’t want to be with you, why choose to be his friend? That’s your fault. You allowed him to remain in your life and then reaffirm not once, but twice that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me….

Sophie,
I get where you are coming from. I’ll take your word that you are not overly invested or upset over this guy…maybe you are just simply using this forum as a way to chat about the incident?

Anyway, as far as a response goes….I think not responding back at all is way more powerful than anything you could say. Otherwise, you run the risk of sounding overly emotional and he won’t absorb what you have said or he could misinterpret…then I think you would lose your dignity. His last text doesn’t require a response either. If you feel the need to say anything at all, I would say as Sara ^ said.

You do need therapy. You are:

A. Way over invested in someone for 3 dates
B. Refer to 3 dates as an ex of some form
C are still blathering on about this
D asked a man who approached you for sex why he does not want a relationship, and therefore do not understand getting good feedback vs bad
E broke up with him? He was not even dating you. There is no dump, just a partingredients of incompatible ways

How a healthy person behaves:
A. Does not invest in 3 dates
B. Stops interacting with people who do not serve their wants and needs, and never asks for their opinion
C. Does not go on and on about someone who was three dates
D. Never considers them an ex because they were barely an acquaintance
E. Is minorl disappointed it did not work out and moves on.

I used to be just like you with a lot of bull crap excuses about why I was over invested, aND I went to therapy and things like this are a small bummer and not a drama.