What makes an ex come back?

I didn’t understand what you were trying to say in #2 and #3. You’re not really answering my question though but I appreciate your reply! Although, I know that even if everything looks like it’s in my favour, it doesn’t mean he will come back.

What makes them different? I tell you the number one difference between men and women in this sense. Men are hit by the loss much later because they do not admit or process their feelings, they try to run from it, so they are hit by the loss generally suddenly and weeks to months after the BU. Not to say that men are not feeling pain right away, they do but it can take them time to see what they lost.

I disagree with some of the list above and I also disagree that they all come back. I very much disagree that there is a chance, that is rarely the case, which is why dumpees are encouraged to go on with their respective lives.

People do feel vibes. I noticed that they come back when you least expect it, going on with your life and often when you are contemplating or are already in a new relationship, also when a new relationship has problems, I have been hit by multiple exes at the same time.

Why they come back? Not for the reason you would want them to, even if you do. They come back for nostalgia, curiosity and for an ego boost to see if you are still there for them. I would not talk to or engage in any way easily in that case.

Problem is with the exception of the rare case, trust is gone and faith in the relationship is gone so it rarely works out. In some rare cases perhaps he realized that you are the one for him for life but even then oftentimes bad dynamics are set. I never believed in starting over. In rare cases when external circumstances caused the breakup it can but it is very rare.

Actually my only case where it was really serious and he did want to start again twice was when we were way too young the first time, I cheated and was very controlling. It was a great relationship and match though I was simply very infantile in it the first time.

Even if there were bad fights, I mean even the worst, I have had some come back . If they were really in love with you the first time, they are likely to resurface.

The best advice I can give you is as much as you are yearning for it, if you proceed, proceed with lots of caution and very very slowly. Definitely do not give in easily.

I’m with Belle here. Of course they don’t all come back. I think they do if they were unsure about commitment but reaiised what life was like without you and change their minds, or if it ended in a very heated argument. That’s pretty much it. They will “reconnect”, as in say hello, but that’s loneliness, boredom and sexual frustration.

It is hard to love someone who is needy and clingy.

Work on yourself and get a good independent life- a real one.

Then you can reach out to him and let me see that you are a changed person.

He is smart now and not coming back to you. If he does based on impulse – the same issue will resurfaced – meaning you continued to be needy and clingy .

You don’t really want him to come back without you FULLY change yourself to be a lovable independent person. Because he will leave again.

If you ever want him back – change .

If he does not want you back. The next lucky guy would love the new you.

*are

I am honestly curious about the mechanism of “harassment”. How does it work for you? he broke if off, you went in NC and then contacted him and kept on pestering him, was he replying? if not, you kept contacting him? Your pride and self esteem did not tickle at all? If a guy had told me this is over, he’d never hear from me again unless he contacted me.

Is it too much self confidence or not enough self respect that makes you ok to harass a person who told you off? I’d honestly like to understand this.

In any case, in my experience, definitely not all come back, but most do, and sometimes for good reasons. I don’t know of any couple who are married who did not breakup at least once during their early stages of the relationship. But only during the early stages. If they broke up 2-3 years after being together, then all this on and off did not lead to anything good except prolonging pain for both of them.

When people say your exes come for ego boost, I don’t think it is 100% the case all the time. Men have feelings too, they miss you, they want to see you, but when they see you, they might see that the same problems remain and this reinforces their initial decision and so they pull away. Or maybe by the time they come back, their feelings already not the same, they miss you, but love is no longer there. So they get a little “fix” of you and then are ok to move on. But I agree that a lot depends on why you broke up, how early in the relationship an dhow bad the breakup was.

I think if both sides are genuine with how they feel chances of reconciliation would be higher for everyone, but each dies plays the NC game, tease, pull and push, do not chase, etc etc, and no one is genuine. If people spoke from the heart, this is the only chance of preserving something good if you want to. Yes, you might face rejection, but with most men it won’t be a cruel and heartless rejection of you if you had reached out to them in a genuine way, most of them would explain why and what etc and you would probably not fee; as bad. But you would have at least tried.

This, of course, does not mean disrespecting the person and harassing them. It means being genuine when there is a chance.