What should I do?

He swore he never did anything apparently it was his friend that kissed her. He said that he did give his number for coke but then there’s messages saying to pick him up which he said was because he didnt want to stay with me in our home as I was annoyed at him for doing drugs. But having Someone message you and tell you that your fiancé is basically cheating is killing me. I feel like I can never trust him again!!

Not that I know of hahaha 🤣🤣

*balanced

We dint argue in front of our daughter and he is a fan dad. House would be easy to sell.
What I’m struggling with is not knowing the truth and I’ll never know what actually happened. If I need reassurance or want to talk about it he just gets annoyed with me. It doesn’t just go away. I guess we both wanted different things and how do u trust him to go out again

If your man lies every time he goes out, this is not normal or healthy. In a healthy relationship you give each other space, but you also know what the other is doing and are able to trust them. I promise you there are plenty of relationships out there where neither partner is routinely lied to. Where drugs and cheating aren’t an issue. You could have something like that, too – with someone else. Your man is not going to change.

His stories are outlandish and suspicious – why would he deny he was getting a lift back with his friend (even if there was a girl) – unless something suspicious was going on. However he stayed out very late and was going back with a woman, which clearly points to cheating as a likely option. I’m sorry, that’s a very hurtful thing to find out through anotehr woman – and his denials and gaslighting make it even worse.

That girl messaging you was probably telling you the truth – though it’s unclear how she got your number, unless they slept together and she was able to go through his phone. You’ve also got all sorts of things like suspicious deleted chat logs etc. And of course tinder. Sure, he swears he didn’t use it – but does any person in a relationship need a dating app? I’d argue it’s definitely a sign a partner is thinking in that direction.

Your man takes drugs and goes out of his way to offer them to others. If you are not OK with this, then that alone is reason enough to end it. Personally I couldn’t trust a man like that to raise my kids with. To be hionest, it would have been wiser not to have children with a man who you know routinely lies to you, but it’s happened.

It’s not funny or cute that he has a drug problem, so your reaction above seems a little odd in tone. He’s getting into all sorts of unpleasant escapades. If social services find out, they could take your child away, because his drug taking is incredibly inappropriate and could put her in danger. Plus he procures drugs for others, which is a serious crime. I’m worried you could be caught up in this, and that you might lose access too. Think very carefuly about the kind of home life you are exposing your baby to.

It honestly sounds like you’re only stating together with him for your child. But she’s got a lying, probably cheating drug dealer/user as a father – frankly, him continuing to be around her consistently is probably a bigger risk than her seeing him less frequently.

Of course you can’t trust him – you state that he lies to you whenever he goes out. You state that he uses drugs even though you’ve pleaded with him not to. He’s likely cheated, and always comes up with shady stories. What is there to trust about this man? He hasn’t acted in any way to suggest he respects or values you.

You and your child deserve better.

Thank you both. I think I know what to do even though it’s so hard and I do love him I just wish things were different.

So he said he got dropped off walked down the road and 3 men were shouting abuse at him so he walked down the road got round the corner then ran. He said they came out of the pub even though they shut much earlier 😂 Apparently sat in the park for a while. Sounds like bs to me too! He then says the girl in the car was the drivers girlfriend but why lie to me about it makes no sense.

Annie, take all the time to decide what you have to do. But remember that your happiness, and the wellbeing of your kid is all that you are responsible for.

Paige, that’s heartvreaking. I’m so sorry you went through that. You deserved better.

Annie,
How about instead of questioning your worth or holding on to the myth that he could change… how about asking yourself what YOU deserve from a mate and what kind of example you want to set for your child?

I think you have a very skewed vision of what a healthy, strong relationship is. This kind of addiction and madness and mayhem is not what makes a relationship stronger.

You remind me of my mom. She married my dad, a cheater. She turned into an alcoholic. And died early. All because she didnt pick herself first. I would have been fine raised without my dad since he was barely there. Your choice, your happiness. Only one person who looks out for you. Which is you

“I question why I’m not good enough. I’ve given him a daughter, been faithful, loving, caring and the best fiancée I could be but somehow it wasn’t good enough.”

But you are good enough. More than good enough. It’s just that you fell for a guy that’s pretty heavily involved with alcohol and coke. HE’S the person that’s not good enough.

I really hope you make a positive change for you and your daughter, because he’s never going to.