What should I do?

A friend of mine recently ended things due to the same type of mother/son relationship. She was fed up. Since other problems also exist, maybe only center your decision on the one.

It’s more of him being on/off and I feel confused. He is very moody and secretive. A lot of times I feel he takes his stress and frustration out on me. I have met his mother all she does is compare me to his ex and all she talks about is how terrible she is! I assume that’s all they talk about too.

I find him abusive and toxic as well. I just can’t stand him anymore. Although it has been two days , with each passing day I’m feeling more and more annoyed with him which is why I’m not sure if I should block him or speak and break up.

A year ago I wasn’t this mad at him but I did break up with him like adults should ..he did not take it well and subtly threatened to call at my work and jeopardise my public image. Much of my work is in hospitality and good reviews are precious. Then immediately he apologised saying he was joking. I want to avoid all that mess. I am not responding to his messages for now. I haven’t blocked him yet. I definitely don’t want to be with him anymore.

Op you dont get much responses and im sure its because those who read it know you put up with cr/ap and being treated like a doormat but will stay in this relationship anyway. And we know this because you are focussing on silly details that would have attachment healthy girl go run for the Hill. I know tis sounds harsh but i think other advice is pointless here
And for the record, people deleting messages on whats app annoys me too.

Newbie, Leena thanks. I understand that it will be a big mistake to go back with him and I am not planning to He has sent me some funny links etc and offers to speak but I have not gone into his chat, I am fed up.

I do not want to speak to him even about it. I did had a moment today when I felt anxious but then I wrote here and spoke to my friend and decided to let the feeling pass. I do not want to tolerate his disrespectful behaviour and abuse again.

My main anxiety is that stuff we have at each other’s am I ok to dispose all that or wait for a couple more days?

You didnt even broke up with him so really what do you want?

Meena, your on an emotional rollercoaster which is normal under the circumstances. The one thing I will say however, is that, if you are truly done the YOU MUST BE DONE and no going back!

Woman too often play the game your playing hoping it will change him, only to back on the same hamster wheel..wash, rinse, repeat.

I get your frustration as I’m surprised you put up with it as long as you have. I get you HOPE that the man you first met and fell in love with will return but it was a falacy, his spots are permanently there (he is who he is) and you have to accept that no amount of change is going to happen or it would have by now.

If this isn’t a BLUFF (ultimatum, threat, etc.) then pack his stuff up. Bring it over to his place, have “the talk”, have a box for yours ready to go, give him his, and say good-bye.

Ok, first off i remember you posting before about the mammas boy stuff… quite a while back? But you’ve stayed with him.

Secondly, after two and half years you do need to break up formally if this is a real ending for you because just not speaking to him right now is leaving a door open that needs to be slammed shut and bolted. You don’t have to get into the whys. You just have to say you are not compatible and don’t want the same things and then delete and block if you feel he will hassle you.

Finally, you need to get your stuff or its just another open door. Send a friend or go round with a friend. If you have a key go when he is out. Whatever. Its not impossible. If you go and he kicks off at you or tries the self harm cr/p then call the police as soon as he does it. They will let you get your stuff.

I don’t think you are truly done yet. You need to be honest about that with yourself. I also think if posting here helps you process and move on then keep posting. Plenty of us are willing to be supportive. Another poster on here has a 5 page thread because are continuing to support then despite them seeming to be a bit of a lost cause so no reason we won’t support you if that’s what you need.

You know what you NEED to do! You’ve got this!!!

Big hugs xx

Ss, Meena it does helps when I am writing here instead of giving in to the intermittent urges of talking to him. I miss the bond but I cannot forget the abuse and disrespect. His mother is a big issue, she does feeds him all the time to break up with me and she has even asked me to leave him many times saying that the time is not right and you two are not compatible etc. but at the moment, her opinions are not my problem.

It has happened before that I become stronger after posting here and getting beaten up and when I stop after a week or so when dusts settles and I no longer feel angry, I connect back with him. I really need this to stop. So I will be posting on here when I am weak, if that’s ok. Please don’t feel obliged to respond if you get fed up.

I have made two big bags again of his stuff and put them away in store room. If the talk of them does comes up I will exchange. He has my game console with few collector edition games at his place, he had better surround sound system so we were playing at his, some of my clothes, toys and I helped him with 10K. I spoke to my brother about the money and told him briefly that he has been abusive and disrespectful. It was a news for him and he has strongly advised that I should forget about the money and does not recommends contacting him or seeing him or reaching out directly or indirectly ever again.

Thanks x