Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › what should i do when boyfriend says he is confused about our relationship?
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
pi.
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sam
We have been “more than friends” ever since we meet 3 years ago. And we just got into a relationship about 6 weeks back (he asked!)
And recently he is saying that he is getting confused about our relationship. He says he don’t want to get married in the long run, which I am cool about it ’cause I have plans to study long term as well.
I’ve been talking to him saying that I don’t mind, and that I love him for who he is. But I felt that he has placed in that distance between us.What should I do? I am confused. I don’t want to loose him. I like myself when I am with him. And he really understands me inside out. But at the same time, I don’t want to make him feel stressed in the relationship.
redcurleysue
I am sorry but you have to be direct with him on this one.
Ask him if he even wants a relationship as you have it defined now…you might change definitions…he may want to also date others….
Or walk away.
Lane
Hi Sam.
Relationships are about learning about each other, and how we fit together to determine if its worth pursuing something long-term.
We all go through different emotions/feelings at various stages/times, and this could be just one of them. I would NEVER tell a man that its OK if we never get married because you essentially downgraded yourself to an FWB! I would have said “its too early to discuss such heavy topics at this stage” and changed the topic.
You never want to force someone to be with you because that’s the worst relationship strategy. I went through this with my ex husband, I just couldn’t get to the same place he was (in love) after a few months of dating. I took some space as I was going to break up with him, but during those few days apart I started to really MISS HIM— the thought of not having him in my life would be painful which is when I realized I felt the first signs of ‘love’.
Again DO NOT try to convince or force him to feel a certain way. People who feel someone is going against what they think/feel will naturally feel compelled to do the OPPOSITE. If he doesn’t want to buy a car, would you force him to go to a car dealership? Of course not, because all he’ll do is get ANGRY because your not taking into consideration his feelings. Be selfless, not selfish.
sam
Hi Lane & redcurleysue
Thank you so much for the advices. He is 2 years older than me, and I think it is also why he is starting to plan far. Maybe our different religion is making it difficult for him to date me. Do you think it is a possible reason why he is feeling “confused”?
I don’t want to force him into staying in the relationship as well. I am considering that a breakup would be better for the both of us. But I am not prepared to let him go, not just yet. What should I do? Should I just give him more space for him to think things through?
I am feeling more than confused and feeling a little lost right now.
Lane
Hi Sam.
Do not try to interpret what he thinks or feels. I would just simply ask him “what exactly are you confused about?” Listen to what he says, repeat it back so he knows you heard him, and whatever you do, do not react to it, just respond with “I understand, if you need some to time to think about it then that’s what you should do”.
Unless he’s super orthodox and/or highly active in his religion, then he would be using it as an excuse to create conflict between the two or you, its not a fight you will win, and I wouldn’t even try. I had a BF pull the religious card when he FULLY KNEW my position on the subject, I immediately ended it because we were to far apart on a major issue that would cause too much conflict, and who wants to purposefully be in a contentious relationship?
Manisha ram
I and my boyfriend were in 6months relationship…. Recently my mom got to know about our relationship…..He is doing a job in a call center….Now a days he is confused weather he really loves me or not….. But he is not giving a correct clarity…..He is saying he wantsme but unable to Love before …..So am feeling clingy… What should I do??
pi
I would walk away from afuy who doesn’t want to get married ever.
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