Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › What To Do? Do I actually have options here?
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 2 years, 7 months ago by
Ella.
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Ella
I have been on and off dating apps for a year now. I get a lot of matches but I end up deleting my profile as its too overwhelming and I am not in the mood to talk since I am exhausted from my job. I haven’t been on a date in year, I haven’t had sex in a year. I am 23 and spent the last year working my butt off at home with insane hours for a news job. I knew what I was getting into but my social life really bit the dust. I am looking forward to a more stable schedule and to get back into dating once this schedule ends in August and I can move out of my parents house and into a city. (ESPECIALLY since living at your parents house post college with no friends around and you work overnights on the weekends makes it near impossible to see anyone).
I made a profile online and I think the algorithm was all out of wack, I ended up hitting it off with this guy for once, and turns out, he is 80 miles away- about a good two hour drive. He is my type to a T, funny, open, exactly what I have been looking for. I just want to get to know someone, i don’t know if i am even looking for super serious, but just want to go through the motions of getting to know someone. So this guy said he is willing to drive, or make a weekend date out of it, but i know in my gut this is like, lowkey impossible lol. It’s one thing to do a whole LDR – its another to try to DATE. We have talked on the phone a few times which is not helping, as I am already getting my hopes up. I would feel incredibly bad if he drove all that way, and I do not have a car (and my parents car are a MESS). I simply do not know what to do besides just stop it now before it gets worse. Half of me thinks it could be different and fun, the other half knows I will never be satisfied. He is also planning to go back to school and I will be probably moving to a major city, so I just think this could only be casual if it becomes absolutely anything. Like a very short fling. But part of me is so companionship deprived I think I would be ok with fun for right now. I haven’t had it in months. I already feel myself overanalyzing stuff that hasn’t happened yet. Is there a way to stop doing this with dating in general???
Ewa
I don’t want to sound negative here, but guys are generally not keen on LDR, he might drive 80 miles for a date with a happy ending though.
if you want to have one night stand then feel free, no one is stopping you. I am assuming he will want to stay overnight even though 80miles that’s less than 2h drive one way? in England anyway.
It is hard to find a match these days and you being young you still have time, so if you want to treat dating as fun, then I don’t see why not.Gaia
As my first long distance date was last weekend, I am by no means an expert or even an amateur at ldr’s or dating that far in general. I will say that depending on the 2 people involved and if your wants are the same it could probably work.
I think you should be honest with the guy about not knowing exactly what you want. 2 hours isn’t really that far. You could meet halfway or you could meet him somewhere on your home turf. No reason he has to see your parents car if you park somewhere and meet him inside (highly, highly recommend a public place for the first meeting, never getting into a strangers car, etc.).
If you don’t want to see this guy, tell him so gently, and then stop talking to him. It isn’t fair to lead him on if you really feel it isn’t going to go anywhere.
Liz Lemon
“Half of me thinks it could be different and fun, the other half knows I will never be satisfied.”
It doesn’t sound like you’re in a good mindset to date right now. You said you’re moving out of your parents’ house and into the city in August, that’s only 2 months away. Maybe you should hold off on dating until you’re independent and living in your own place and can be more comfortable about it.
LDRs are hard, especially when you’re young (I’ve been there, done that myself) and don’t have a lot of dating experience. I’m so happy for Gaia in this thread :-) but I know that she, like me, is divorced with kids, etc. So we have a bit more life experience and are in a different place in life. There’s no reason for someone your age to date someone LDR, especially when you feel so tepid about them, and will moving on your own in a couple of months. Just my opinion.
mama
If you are companionship-deprived as you stated, perhaps you can find some groups to join in your area that may be meeting in person to expand your social circle first. Groups that are about things that interest you. For example I belong to a dog-walking group and it’s a lot of fun. It wasn’t for dating, but friendship and fun (and to get my steps in!)
Having a strong group of friends and support system makes it easier to go into dating with a clearer head. When we get a bit lonely and desperate, we tend to start making choices that aren’t in our best interest. Im not implying you are either of those things but I can imagine your post-college social life in general is a bit tough right now.
Mary
Just realign your expectations and be in the moment and see where life takes you. Dating allows a person to learn more of what we like in a person. I wouldn’t have sex though. Your mind would likely play tricks on you and see him disproportionate to the real investment to have such feelings.
Ella
Hi all, thanks for the input this helped flesh some things out. I have NO idea if I will actually be moving to a city in august, I will be done my job then and am planning some vacation time so its just a tentative timeline for right now. I think I just need to keep my feelings out of it. I don’t want to get into a LDR and neither does he, but I don’t see the harm in chatting and maybe trying to meetup halfway. Or even if he comes all the way here we have a fun weekend. I am not too sure if he would immediately expect sex if he drove 2 hours, but I think if we had a getaway date weekend thing planned I guess he would expect it then? I wouldn’t mind having a fun weekend with no sex, and he says he doesn’t expect it and isn’t actively looking for sex, but I am not too sure since men lie all the time ha
Anyways, I am getting ahead of myself since I want to be ahead of the punch lol. I think I have been so closed off for a year and am ready to attempt to have fun again and kinda scared of being..scared if that makes sense. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t I’ll live. I don’t like how he has jokingly told me stories about other girls (dates wise…like years ago when we were talking about funny date stories at least this wasn’t entirely random) so far, like it definitely sounds like he is flirty mc flirt/has some game, so I am unsure why he would entertain a girl who is 2 hours away..? Anyways thanks for all the advice. I will see how it evolves and meanwhile just not think too hard about it, overanalyzing wise at least
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