What to do if you find out he has a serious girlfriend

How did she find out the woman was fighting cancer? I disagree with her logic. She clearly wanted to hurt him and not save the wife.

As previously stated, no one but the wife and him know what is going on. What if divorcing him resulted in her losing her health care benefits? Or put her in more of a financial burden that impacted her recovery and treatment,

I agree you need to seriously think through why you want to tell. Is it because you really care or because you hurt and want someone else to hurt too.

Thanks again all. I confronted him via email today. No response. No surprise. What a coward.

Telling the truth is NEVER easy but it is ALWAYS the best thing to do. Otherwise you’re lying and protecting him and you become as bad as him. The truth hurts, every break up hurts no matter the reason, but think of how great every woman here has felt after leaving a cheater, we deserve to give the partner a chance at that feeling. A chance at a better life with a committed partner.

What if she stayed with him for the rest of her life and he was cheating throughout and she never knew? But she had the chance to know now?

If you tell her and she stays then that’s up to her, at least your conscience is clear. If you tell her and she leaves you’ve helped liberate her from a bad relationship. If you tell her and she lashes out at you then like the first scenario at least your conscience is clear. Honesty is always the best policy.

People in relationships need to be playing with a full deck of cards and at present this man has stolen half the deck from his partner and is forcing her into a position where she doesn’t know all the facts about her own life. She deserves to know what is being done to her.

Mnms

I disagree. The truth is not always necessary. Especially if your intent is to make yourself feel better.

That is selfish, not helping. It’s like having an affair and then because you want to not feel guilty about it, you tell your partner. Now he has to deal with it. So you could clear YOUR conscience?

Words are powerful and if you want to be kind to someone, it’s important to think before you rush out and speak.

I really think these liars should get what they deserve. Thus, I’d advise you to tell her. But prepare for a level of toxicity that will result from the situation and if it’s too much stress for you, reconsider telling her.

Really think about it..Why would you tell her? What business is it of yours?

If you were a close friend and you found out …different story

For all you know her mother is deathly ill, and this is all she needs right now; the ‘other’ woman to ride in on her white horse to save her..

Give me a break

Leave her alone

I’ve missed this moment with her monther being ill. No, don’t make her deal with her cheating boyfriend right now. The woman has other concerns. Spare her the unpleasant information.

Nis…no..what I meant was that Jo has no idea what is going on in this poor woman’s life…I just used the ‘mother’ as an example.

But yes…you just validated my point

Regardless…it’s still none of her business

That’s very true! Would you want to know?

Melanie, (op’s post is old!) This happened to me. I was 1 year out of a 16 year marriage when I met someone online. Bear in mind I’d been with my husband since we were 14 so I had NO dating experience at all, hence finding this site! Anyway, we dated for 6 months. All seemed ok but there were niggles which I put down to my own insecurities following my marriage breakdown rather than it being him doing anything suspicious.

He worked in formula one so he was busy a lot, his kids lived in his home town about 80 miles away, I had my 2 children too so the weekends were difficult (oh how pathetic this sounds now!!!) Anyway I had these little worries and one day I was just sat waiting for family to arrive for my daughter’s birthday, and I was flicking through Facebook. He was in Abu Dhabi for the last race of the season and so talking was difficult. I started looking at his friends list as suspicions were there, and I found this woman who for whatever reason jumped out at me. I clicked on her page and her cover photo was her and my boyfriend, she’s sat on his lap and wearing a ring.

I waited until he messaged me that night. It was perfect, he wished me goodnight and said he wishes a certain someone was in his bed (i mean what a perfect chance!!!) So I replied ‘who? Hayley?’ I didn’t hear from him after that!!!

I did however send her a message some days later after stewing on it. I didn’t gloat and wasn’t bitter. I told her I was so sorry and that i’d never have gone near him if I’d known. I didn’t go in to any detail as I didn’t want to come across like a bitter woman, I just told her id been seeing him for months, I told her one of the worse parts was that he’d involved himself with my children, which he had, he was the one planning family days out etc. And I made it clear that I had had no idea. She replied and thanked me, she told me she was broken hearted but that she appreciated my email.

They did actually stay together after too. I’m now engaged for the past 2 years to a lovely man who doesn’t give me any cause for worry at all.

Sorry for waffling on, but I just wanted to share my experience with this. Yes I did it for payback, but I kept my dignity and I tried my best to make message to her a nice one in the circumstances.

I don’t regret it and hopefully he’s learnt his lesson although I very very much doubt it!

2 weeks later I continue using that fake profile to chat with him and he asked to meet up, he said he has ended up with that lady (me!!!) and would like to look for new relationship. But when asked what about his girlfriend, he said as they only meet up fortnightly he needs more passion from someone else and he ensured his girlfriend will not find out.

I have screenshot all the conversations and thinking to send them to his girlfriend. However I have no clue who she is and where she lives. The only way I can give the evidence to her is when she goes to his place on Sunday… apparently I went to his place again today and saw her car outside his place.

I find myself in this currant situation.. the pain of letting go of someone you care about, and then the pain of shouldni let his girlfriend know is a lot.

I try to put her in my shoes, would I want to know and the answer is YES hands down, but most women can’t handle this and because I don’t know her I don’t know if she can.

Once he came clean I found out there has been many tinder dates though his relationship, so I’m not the only one.

He told me he wants her to leave not him, it’s a cop out fer sure. I just want to punch him in the dick!

Yeah I checked out her social media and blah blah to do what compare myself to her, but bottom line is he’s a cheater. He could be bring STDs home to her , or anyone else he is sleeping with.

I will tell her, but let my heart heal for right now, I feel all I can do is give her the information what she does with it after that is in her, but let’s face it most women won’t leave, they will yell and scream but they don’t leave, I think this is why so many don’t tell. If you notice though if the tables were flipped a guy would be the first to tell another guy… you know guy code and all…. And 9 outta 10 men will leave that woman, so makes me think why do most women who have been cheated in stay?

Well this is all to greasy in my head, and I’m to old for all the bull, but I say, and I will let her know, cause we all need to look out for each other ladies!