What to do when he comes back?

Let’s assume it’s a week or so. I’d imagine by the time it’s 2-3 weeks out then there’s really no point. Too much time has passed for it to not be awkward to reinstate communication as if nothing happened.

It is more self respecting is you actually say something and ask what happened. Imagine a female friends disappears, wouldn’t you ask? A colleague? it is normal and natural to ask.

If you don’t and pretend like it is normal, you’d send the wrong signals: 1) it is okay to disappear with you, and 2) that you don’t really respect yourself, 3) you too insecure to address the issue as an adult.

Whatever you say it needs to come out without aggression or reprimand.

In my books disappearing acts are one of the worst offenses. Unless I hear apologies and explanations that are offered to me before I even ask, I do not continue anything with people who do that. Granted there are circumstances that make it ok not to continue tlaking for some time, i.e. when you casually chat with someone. Every now and then you send each other some info, exchange some thoughts. Then it is ok to stop for a week or two. But if there is something personal going on, emails, texting, phone calls and if you met in person even once, then it is not ok to just disappear, then appear as if nothing happened. At the very least you’d be dealing with a person who is socially inept. But there is usually more: egotistical, inconsiderate, rude, bad social and emotional manners.

My advice is to use communications as the most important screening tool. If a person does something impolite in terms of normal social norms, treat it as a red flag and do not proceed with them. Risk avoidance is best done during the screening process. lol

Most women would look for excuses, would try to “understand”, being in denial of the situation. A man’s character reveals itself early on in many things, communication is the most important one. We all live in the same world, we all know that disappearing and then reappearing as if nothing happened is not ok.

Maria – love what you wrote! I tend to speak my mind so I’ve never felt comfortable just letting things go. I wholeheartedly agree with what you said about it sending the wrong signals and reason #3 is spot on as to what I’m trying to avoid. Really appreciate your insight, thank you :)

Totally get that Vanessa. I am going out on other dates and keeping my options open. My question was to get a general sense of what people thought about handling pullbacks as it’s something that has always interested me.

Hi Nicole,

Pull backs occur for a myriad of reasons, but ultimately its the minds way of saying your on ‘overload’ and need to take some space to work it out.

I’ve done pull backs with men I was with and it freaked them out. Sometimes I had a compelling need to have a bit of ‘me time’ or get back to doing things I had been neglecting—re-centering myself so to speak. The others were when I was going to ‘break up.’ Did one with my (now ex) husband when we were over 5 months in because I didn’t have the feelings of ‘love’ that he had for me. During that pull back I started to MISS HIM, and the thought of not having in my life would be painful…that’s when I felt the first signs of love and it grew deeper from there.

If you have only been casually dating for a short time then he’s most likely testing his feelings for you to determine if its love or not. If he doesn’t ‘feel it’, then its best that he fades away instead of wasting months of your life knowing he will never get there with you.

Never put all your energy into ONE MAN until your officially his GF. Need to be out there dating, meeting others, and keeping your options open because you could very well have missed out on meeting that special guy who wants to take it to the TOP LEVEL (e.g. marriage) with you, but wasting it on duds.

Human relations.

If he is keeping his distance there is a reason. What that is I do not know, but I can tell you that one month you do not know him well enough to see what is happening.

He is still a stranger so I would treat him and the situation as such. Only put time and effort into men who want more of your time…the others are just dates.

Yeah it’s only been a few days. He’s sent me a snapchat but I don’t count that as contact. He has a huge test on Monday that makes or breaks his career (no pressure lol). I agree with what everyone is saying about keeping options open. I am and I would expect him to be doing the same as well. Was just curious as to how you girls have handled this in the past. I’m ok with things fading out Was just wondering in generak

Hi Nicole, I’ve been on break in my present relationship for six months, I don’t know if I should hold on or end things with him

This has happened to me before. After 2-3 weeks we reconnected, but things were never the same. Not getting a simple “Hey, I need some time because/to…” tells it all. It means he doesn’t care enough about your feelings. If you reconnect at some point, expect more communication issues and acts of selfishness. You can never fully trust a runner again.

Thank you for your advice Andrea

Taking a ‘break’ is a ‘nice’ way of saying Break Up… You have been on a break longer than you were a ‘couple’