What to expect when dating a resident?

No, don’t reach out. Yes, assume he is not interested.

If he DOES reach out (and you are still interested, though you shoudn’t be), you need to let him know that kind of thing doesn’t really work for you. We teach people how to treat us! You don’t have to be harsh about it, just say “hey, I hadn’t heard from you in so long I figured you weren’t interested” then, when he responds and says “oh, sure I am, was just busy” you say “well, I can appreciate that but I need more consistent communication in order to be excited about a man”. That’s all you have to do. Don’t have to be confrontational, just politely assert your boundaries. At that point he’d know he needs to step it up or leave you alone.

Good show Katie. Best of luck to you!

I have an update– he has been asking me out once a week, dates good, everything seems to going great, physical exclusivity. Turns out he has a gf! Obviously will not be talking to him anymore, but just needed to vent. I’m fine, but hate that I ever met him.

Which one? The second guy or the original one?

the original. I didn’t see this coming at all. Apparently he and his gf were very rocky, she wasn’t surprised when she called me that he did this-says she cheated first, he wasn’t a bad guy. Well, he mislead me! I asked for physical exclusivity only since I’m moving in several months-specifically said if you find someone else to just let me know.

This is so frustrating, glad I found now rather than being on the other end. Still not a good feeling.

What type of explanation is going to make you feel better?

Thank you everyone :) please keep the posts coming, it honestly helps distract me.

See everything was pretty normal to me. After I posted here, he started to ask me out once a week. Always responds to me within a couple of hours, which I thought was normal I do the same. As for amount of texts-I really don’t know what to expect, no one really texts me to be honest. He was actually putting in more effort than everyone else I was seeing, really got to know me. Never met his friends, but didn’t think much of it since is only been a month.

I also didn’t think much of all this, because I am moving, this was never going to turn into a relationship. He’s a resident and I’m about to pursue a PhD so from the start this would have to end.

He was 30min to the last date-said he got tied up at work. I think this was what makes things difficult, he really could have been at work, I’ve been late to dates because of work too. We actually work for the same hospital (met on tinder tough, we work at a huge hospital).

It was a month before I slept with him. He actually took things slow, was very respectful. I wasn’t a one night stand and never agreed to that. I would like an apology, I feel like he owes me that. It’s not right to do all these things to me and then just not respond and make me feel like object.

But yea honestly an apology or just telling what okay earth was going on would be nice. Especially because I work with residents, I very well may know someone he works with. Even his gf said he was a good guy (because I was of course not happy with him). Sorry I’ll move on but just need to talk it out and everyone here gives helpful support. Dating has been disappointing for me for the past several years and at this it feels like the universe is playing a joke on me with all of the unfortunate timings (ie 4 guys I’ve dates in the past year moved away for their job. What are the chances of that?!)

Well you already asked him if he has something to tell you. If he won’t reply to that, he won’t reply to you demanding an apology.

You know if it’s “rocky” with the gf, there’s an outside chance she thinks of herself as the gf but he doesn’t think of her like that at all. It’s a very outside chance and if that is the case, he’ll contact you to explain.

Thank you Hannah-you know when talking to her, what you said actually crossed my mind. Like if they were on a break or something? She said she cheated on him, the things got rocky. And she wasn’t mad at all, gosh I was way more upset and I wasn’t sad at that moment I found out.

I know it doesn’t matter. Kind of just makes me scared that my vetting of guys might be off. I know I’ve only known him a month, but I do watch guys very closely and used to be pretty good at picking up liers. Like my gut feeling was very secure. That’s scary to not be able to trust my gut.

Oh just to clarify, I’ve actually only slept with him once-so a month in.

I think you are way over analyzing. You were not with this guy long enough. A month is nothing. That means, what? 4 dates? You can’t possibly know someone by then.

It’s easier with some men than others to see red flags. I was with a man for a year before I found he was cheating from the beginning and had another ‘gf’. The thing is, he was good at maintaining separate lives.

Other times it’s very obvious. Secret texting, hiding phone, keeping you off his social media, cancelling dates with excuses that start not to make sense. Just google ‘signs your man might be married or cheating’… there is tons of info out there about signs to look for.

Finding out your partner is a cheat feels crappy. You tend to feel stupid and duped. IMO you get angry at the guy and move on. It’s all you can do.

I take it you are young.. this likely won’t be your last encounter with a man who lies to you. Take your time getting to know the person. Keep your head and eyes open. Not to the detriment of being paranoid or not a fun date, but don’t give benefit of doubt and don’t trust so easily. I believe that is the down fall of most women and people. They trust too easily and don’t understand that most people out there are looking after their own best interest and not yours.

@Hannah—you might have been right! He told
me today that she cheated on him and they broke up. He didn’t initiate the text though-she contacted me and then I contacted him asking about my health. Glad to know I got that answered.

We both make it clear that we aren’t going to see each other anymore. I might have threatened him if he didn’t answer- I was getting over it but now can fully move on easily.

I don’t know which one of them was being honest, but I would have thought he may of answered me right away. Good Ridence! Sorry just needed to vent.