Home › Forums › Texting Advice › What will he think if i dont text him back
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My guess.
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Lorae
Recently he has been texting me less and less. He still texts me daily but maybe only 2 or three times a day. He seems to be really busy with his job and friends which is great but I am feeling a bit neglected and not important. I want to tell him this but i dont want to sound needy and clingy. I was thinking that when he texted me today I would just not answer. I am thinking about doing this because what is the point? I answer and then we dont even have a full convo because he takes forever to text back and sometimes not even at all. What will he think if i do this? I am seeing him tomorrow too and I am not even that excited anymore. i am more annoyed by his behavior but dont want to ruin the date either. Ugh what do I do?
Tallspicy
Grow up. Firstly, if he is contacted you at all everyday, your feelings are misguided. If he is seeing you as often, that is what matters. And ignoring childish and passive agressive. If he is busy, perhaps ,ou could think a little less about yourself.
T from NY
Not texting back on purpose is just being passive aggressive and is not a sign of a healthy relationship. If you were truly keeping busy and were just trying to occupy yourself so as not to obsess over his texts that’s another thing. What are you wanting more of in this relationship that you’re not getting?
If you are wondering how much he cares — a man shows you this by how much TIME he gives to you. So if he’s texting less but taking you out consistently and treating you kindly when you are together — he may just not be much of a texter. Men always text more in the beginning and then fall into their regular pattern — whatever that is for them.
However — if, over time, your guy is not increasing the amount of time he spends with you and only texts you minimally to set up a date here and there OR he sets up dates regularly, on a routine, but there are large amounts of time in between — it may mean he’s dating several women and just keeping you around as an option.
Lastly if your guy is really in to you — but he hates texting so no matter how many times you ask or hint he doesn’t increase his texts — that may signal an incompatability issue. My boyfriend and I sometimes only text a few times a day if he is really busy. But we also talk on the phone and see each other often. I have a high communication need so if the man I was dating couldn’t provide that it would be — on to the next.
I’m wondering if you’re frustrated by the lack of texting because what you’re really wondering is how much he likes you and if the relationship is going to progress?
Lorae
Yes, that exactly is what I am worried about. He has mentioned he is not the greatest texter and I am a significant amount younger than him (15 years younger) so I am used to texting the guy i am with all day long. So when a guy texts me less that means that he isnt interested. But he makes a plan to see me everytime we end a date and when we are together he is really attentive and never looks at his phone. It just really bothers me that he isnt much of a texter and makes me think he doesnt like me! I mentioned it to him before and he just laughs at me and says he works a full time job. But i just dont see the point of reaching out to me then disapearing until hours later and that is what he has been doing. I dont like replying and then not even having the opportunity to have a convo with him its pointless to me. That is why i am considering not texting back. Also, i dont want to have a major attitude on our date tomorrow because tomorrow he is taking me to a really nice and romantic spot so i assume he might ask me to be his gf? while i want to be his gf i want him to know i am upset so i just dont know how to tell him without being clingy.
Jen
Just because you can be in touch by text all day long, doesn’t mean you should be,
You are from a generation that needs instant gratification. If you can’t get over it, than find someone younger. But I will say this, men typically don’t text all day long with you. Not if they have responsible jobs and other things going on in life, no one should be tethered to their phone just because it’s there.
Perhaps you don’t have enough going on in your life that you can text all day?
My husband and I rarely text except to plan things. And when we dated it was the same way except for occasional flirting, it’s the quality time you spend in person that matters. Not virtual reality.
Lorae
No i dont have enough going on in my life. Dont have many friends and my family is not the best so I dont have anyone else to talk to. All i do is workout and watch netflix now the semester ended. He is older and has a full time job and participates in clubs and societies after work so he is constantly busy. I guess younger guys are in the same boat as me but I dont want a younger guy because they are immature and cant commit to one girl.
J
Who’s fault is that? Get a life. Sounds like you are immature. Which is why this man will dump you unless you start acting more mature.
Or he just wants a young body to show off and have sex with. And if that’s the case and you nag him? He will just replace you with someone else young like you.
Lorae
because i dont have many friends i am immature? that doesnt make sense but okay. and he isnt after me for sex because if that was the case he would have left a long time ago since we havent had sex and im saving myself for marriage. i dont want to nag him that is why i am asking if i should just not respond to him to avoid that.
J
No. don’t nag him. Instead make your own life better.
lex
Make a huge effort to take your mind off him. Make yourself busy, try new things, literally anything. I can promise you that it will make your relationship better. You won’t be obsessing over texting as much, and you two will have more to talk about when you see eachother.
Purposely not replying to his text might work short-term, but in the long run it doesn’t help.
Joe
Stop whining! The number or length of texts doesn’t make a relationship. You already know he’s a busy guy. Not understanding that and being annoyed with him, shows you’re childish! He texts you everyday as it is and if you tell him you need more, it will definitely show neediness and clingy behavior. Good grief, find other things to fill your time. Maybe get a part time job or whatever.
alia
Perhaps you’re due for a phone and technology detox? If you’re getting your dopamine from daily texts you know you need to manage your problem.
Tallspicy
Why this man is interested in a naggy, uninteresting woman is beyond me. I say this to be purposefully mean. You will only hold his interest if you become interesting, which is not done by being an antisocial woman whose only interests are exercise and watching TV and demanding he be available all the time. Yuck.
L
Lorae
You are overthinking way too much. The texting, the age and the dates! You are all over the place. All you need to be concerned with is he is making plans to see you that is the #1 sign the guy likes you. I am not sure how experienced you are with dating but not all guys will show how they feel the same way. If you feel comfortable with this guy then you should communicate your concerns. Telling a man/person what you like is not being “needy or clingy” its when you need someone to do something to make you feel secure that you come across needy.
If you feel that your paying too much attention on the texting instead of wanting 20 texts a day from him, make the few texts you do get count! If he says “hi how are you” you can always say “looking forward to seeing you tomorrow babe”. Sometimes its not the quantity but the quality…start some activities reading a good book or join a club these things will occupy your mind.
Lorae
Unfortunately i cant get a part time job because i am in school and i would like to focus on that. the majority of my days are spent watching tv and attending workout classes to get some kind of social interaction during the day. i am an interesting person and we have alot of the same interests i just dont have people to do it with or the resources to do them at the moment. and again im not nagging him i havent even mentioned im upset. he actually just called me to say he is looking forward to seeing me tomorrow and he will text me before he goes to bed but that is the problem. so all day we wont talk? that is weird to me and i dont like it. maybe i do have a problem with cell phone addiction i dont know or maybe im just lonely
Lane
Hi.
One of the biggest pet peeves of men is women who suffocate them because they don’t have anything going on their life. He has a busy life—work, chores, hobbies, interests, friends, family, etc. and to expect him to only cater to you and not all the other important things and people and in his life will not bode well for you long term.
Get a job, volunteer (animal shelter, hospital, etc.), apply for an internship in your major, find some hobbies (meetup.com) and meet people too. You are clinging desperately to this man and he’ll eventually tire of it if you can’t find better things to occupy your time with other than obsessing over him.
Lorae
and thanks for the reading suggestion! thats a good one. i love to read and stopped because i was busy with school so now i have time to pick that up again.
Joe
“..he will text me before he goes to bed but that is the problem. so all day we wont talk? that is weird to me and i don’t like it.” You’re a very needy person, whether you admit it or not. You couldn’t think of READING on your own? Why can’t you enjoy his company and be satisfied with that? Before cell phones, people were dating and enjoying each others company in person and talking on phones. A lot of mature guys don’t like to text too much. I hope you have a nice time tonight, but don’t bring up the text thing!
Joe
Oh, your date is tomorrow. Don’t ruin it by bringing up trivial stuff..
Jen
You don’t have time for a part time job? Lol
I went to nursing school full time and worked a full time job on an all night shift as a nurses aid for 4 years! I did my homework while working at night (patients sleeping) took a quick nap from 7-9 am and then went to school.
Get a little motivation! Jeez.. all those hours watching tv and you can’t work? Lazy
Hannah
You’re making this guy your entire emotional world. That’s a dangerous thing to do! It makes you needy for starters.
If someone text me more than 3 times a day, I would think that was too much because I have other things going on and I don’t have time to be texting constantly.
I guess the guys you were seeing before could text you all the time because they were living your lifestyle. This one isn’t. He has a full, active life and doesn’t have time or want to be glued to his phone all the time. You’ll look back on this when you have a full time job, a home to look after after and an active social life, and understand his position.
Stop making him your world. Because the more you do, the more needy you’ll become. It will make you miserable and he’ll start sensing it. Then he’ll feel pressured and it will mess up your relationship.
Get a part time job (if you have time to watch TV all day, you have time to work). Meet new people, Do the things you love. It will make you less dependant on him and make you happier.
Lorae
I cant get a part time job for multiple reasons. And good for you jen! what works for you doesnt mean it will work for others. i am far from lazy my dedication to my school work is the most important thing in my life and i work very hard. it is true i am making him the center of my world and its making me jump to conclusions and want to ignore him. every time we see each other i am happy and when he contacts me i always respond positively. just recently he has been contacting me alot less and it bothers me alot because i am used to guys my age constantly texting me all the time when they are interested in me. i dont want to go into this date with an attitude so i will try my best to not focus on it. maybe its just the age difference thing (im 20 and hes 35) and ill have to get used to it over time or i wont but i will try and fill my time with other things and not take it so personally and ignore his texts like i thought i should try.
G
My guess is he is getting bored with you. There isn’t much in common between a 35 year old and 20 year old.
You don’t write very intelligently for someone who takes their studies so seriously.
And you are still thinking of ignoring his texts? Very childish. This relationship isn’t going last. Go ahead and ignore him. Better yet, tell him how bored you are with him not texting you all day. Because a busy student has all the time in the world to chat on text.
Ahhh.. the life of a spoiled bratty girl! Maybe mike will date you. He wants a 20-something airhead who works out a lot at the gym.
Lorae
lol omg now some one attacking the way i write on a forum. i didnt know you were my professor and giving me a grade?! lol some of you ladies are sad. instead of giving advice to a younger girl you criticize them and make assumptions based off of very little information on someones life. Some of you older ladies get jealous when an age gap is mentioned which is why i was reluctant sharing my exact age. and look how long it took for someone to attack me for it. thankfully not everyone on here is like that this is why i come back and ask for advice and give advice occasionally. Thank you to those who shared legit advice!!!!
G
Yup. All these older women are really upset by your age gap! Lol… but at least they are going on dates and not hanging by their phones waiting for a text message.
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