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- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 months, 1 week ago by
Mary.
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Nina
Hi. I noticed today that a guy I’ve been dating for six weeks recently updated his Bumble profile. We aren’t exclusive so I get it – but I definitely thought we were moving in that direction. We see each other multiple times/week. He’s told me he’s not dating anyone else. We text every single day (he texts me good morning every morning). The timing of his updating just feels weird to me. In the beginning – fine, of course that makes sense. But things seemed to be moving in a direction to where I started feeling comfortable and have kind of backed off dating others for the most part. The outward appearance he’s giving is that he’s recently started to revisit the dating pool. Seems we are in different places and I think I’m out. What would you do?
Raven
Continue meeting & dating other guys…
mama
He’s shopping — it’s the downside of dating apps. You guys have been dating enough time that maybe the sparks aren’t progressing and they should be. Or maybe he’s worried about getting serious too soon and wants to make sure he keeps his options open. You won’t know unless you talk to him.
If it were me, I would probably wait a while to see what his behavior is like, but keep my eyes open regarding said behavior — authenticity with getting to know you more, taking steps to deepen your connection, etc. If it’s not progressing the way you want, then you have your sign to move on.
Because what would you say if you actually DID talk to him about it? “Hey, I’ve been monitoring your actions on the dating app and it doesn’t jive with what I want so what do you have to say for yourself?” Kind of creepy, I wouldn’t go there at this point.
Maddie
You can talk to him about it before bailing, but I’ve never had a guy do that and not still be actively trying to meet new people. I personally have done the second explanation mama gave of not wanting to commit too quickly and so I was still going on other dates for a couple months (though not hooking up), but the difference is I didn’t update my profile any further at that point. I’d also stopped swiping on new people, but I was still following up on the other conversations I was already having.
If you’re still interested in him and want to bring it up once before throwing in the towel, you can try saying something in person like, “I’m enjoying spending time with you and was thinking of turning off my bumble profile so we can focus more on getting to know each other better and seeing what’s here.” And he’ll say great me too!, or he will be evasive and say okay *without* clarifying that he will also take down his profile (because he won’t), or he will tell you he’s not feeling it. And then you’ll have all the information you need.
Khadija
Until a man asks to be exclusive, keep seeing others.
Catherine
I would take a moment, step back and start asking myself if I am hearing my assumption that is pounding in my head . If so … step in the future and envision… is this someone just playing around or on the same path with me. No assumptions, no anger, no shock . Keep in mind your desire your worth is a treasure. Of course it will hurt but don’t allow yourself to get caught in the down spiraling of what and whys because you may never receive the answer you seek. Breathe step forward and embrace the beautiful person you are becoming. Yes his lost and not yours because he did not recognize the gift he had and you and know what be thankful you found out when you did. The man who can look beyond what he sees and has a vision will recognize where you both are headed.
Mary
You stop seeing him. He obviously isn’t dating for a relationship or isn’t into you.
Better fish in your future.
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