Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › What’s going on with us?
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
Elvira.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Laura
So my boyfriend and I have been together for just about a year. About eight of those months have been in lockdown so it’s not been the most typical relationship. In the most recent months the lockdown has allowed us to go on walks only and it’s been hard because we haven’t been able to be close or intimate. We had a weird arguement the other week, because I guess the lack of closeness was getting to me. Usually Ild give him space in an arguement because I always think things just escalate otherwise. Anyway, on this occasion it did escalate and he said he wanted to break up, said he doesn’t love me but said he should by nowand that something is missing. We spoke the next day and he said to forget about the prior day and that we should just have a short break from each other and then come back to things in a few weeks. He assures me since that he does want to try and I guess agrees with me that we just haven’t had a really chance to get going. We went into full lockdown days before Christmas so even those plans were ruined and I was pretty upset. I guess now I’m just confused with things between us. As a side note, neither of us have exactly been ourself, the last since months I’ve been dealing with some pretty bad allergic reactions and Tbf to him he’s been great when my face has been swollen and I’ve been paranoid about it 🙈. For the most part that’s been resolved in the ast few weeks which is a relief. He has been struggling with lockdown as many of us have, and does enjoy he’s space when feeling down. I guess he’s comment about not loving me, isn’t what bothers me, I’m not sure I love him yet, because with everything this year has thrown im not sure he’s even let me close enough. However I know when we’re together things are so good and aside from the inconventional year we’ve had, when the word opens back up I think things could evolve for us. Currently giving him the break he wanted but I don’t know where that leaves us.
Lane
I know its infinitely hard on many couples right now. I truly feel a lot of empathy for moms and dad’s who’ve had young kids at home 24/7 for months on end! I would probably be a raving lunatic by now if I was stuck in that environment for so long haha. Thankfully mine are grown and on their own :o)
I believe couples needs to go through hardships and struggles in order to see how they are able to work through them, as a team…like they say ‘teamwork is dreamwork!”
Relationships aren’t perfect. Couples are going to say or do things that will tick the other off. One can only apologize so many times before you lose all trust or faith in them. I don’t know if you’re at that point yet but it sounds like you are starting to reach it. Because of the current pandemic environment, I understand how its mentally messing with people’s heads but it doesn’t give them license to take it out on others, or treat each other badly.
This is the time you should be building each other up, not tearing each other down. My partner and I have not said one ill word about or towards each other throughout the entire pandemic. I support everything he does but being the bluntly honest person I am, I will point out something I don’t agree with or like too. Like when he repainted the front porch my response was “it looks like barf.” He initially got defensive but then when he was able to step back and look at it the way I did, he agreed and repainted it lol. Same thing, where my partner will provide a solution to a problem I’m having that I initially balk at but when I’m able to step back and see/envision it his way, it works. That’s teamwork :o)
Newbie
I wonder to what extent the argument escalated. Because sometimes it can lead to an instant break up especially since guys dont like to argue as much as women do. But i agree he took back his break up words and wants some time to reflect. And you can only honour that. Do the arguments also give you reason to doubt? If it does then reflect yourself in stead of going in repair mode. (I just re-read and saw you do question the future).
This is a weird year. I dont understand why you cant be intimate. You could have easlily made deals about distancing from vunerable housemates for instance and be intimate when youre sure you dont have symptoms. So i dont really understand that.
For the rest: i do think what he said is an alarm and you should take it serious. But give it some timeElvira
Hi Laura
No one can tell you where you and your boyfriend stand given the uncertainty of how this past year has left many couples. I am not sure I understand his reason since you are not actually spending time together it is causing friction but yet he is asking for space? I believe this whole situation has been difficult for all us, not having the freedom to go and come as we please. Causing frustration and depression, making couples take this frustration out on each other. Unfortunately this break will be a test of whether or not this relationship will survive. I suggest you take this time to get your head clear and focus on yourself. Do not reach out to him and if he reaches out wait awhile and tell him that you are giving each other the space you both need. This is will be tough but it may give him the clarity of whether or not he wants to continue this relationship. You deserve to have someone who isn’t confused on their feelings, this time apart will give you both the answers you are seeking. -
AuthorPosts
