What’s wrong with a lil reassuring?

You need to argue an hour over this, that’s an hour of your life you won’t get back. It sounds like it’s over. It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Also, I’m glad you mentioned how he went on tinder right away after the break up and set up a date because so many women are on this site wondering why guys flake on tinder- there’s one of many answers- he still has things going on with an ex.

Great post so all can understand what’s out there in terms of men on the rebound. I’d call him up and say- I’ve had second thoughts – I don’t care who you talk to or if you want to date others, the more I think about it- I do too. He will be chasing you like crazy within 2 weeks.

He blocked her last night after an hour long fall out. Then went to bed. It’s 3pm and so far I haven’t heard a single thing from him. No morning text, no lunch time text….nothing….

If you think telling a man to block someone he barely knows without you looking like you are insane, then you are literally insane. You are technically broken up, he can date whoever he wants. You nagging him won’t do anything to bring him back, neither will demands of fidelity.

Not controlling: I like the idea of us working on us, if you started talking to anyone, please make sure they are no longer in the picture….. then trust him.

Controlling: block any woman you are talking to. Or I will throw a fit and fight with you about it because if they were not blocked it is not enough to simply tell them you are working on things with your ex.

Totally controlling. Probably part of your relationship challenges.

Vicki, you’re missing the bigger problem. I don’t know how you know he went into Tinder, but if you know that and he did that immediately after you two called it quits, you’re dealing with a very immature man.

I don’t agree that it’s unreasonable or controlling to ask him if he’s still talking to the Tinder girl and to block him. If you’re going to be moving forward together, he should have apologized for jumping right on Tinder and then been willing to assure you he is no longer talking with her and block her when you brought it up. That’s what a man who is really into you and interested in resolving differences with you would do.

I told my BF to block his ex after he admitted she was texting again out of the blue after a year and he agreed to do it. It’s the way you say it. I didn’t issue an order. I said, while I trust you and I know you don’t want her back, I feel very uncomfortable that she’s texting you even though you’ve assured me you’re not responding. It seems to be she’s trying to get you back or at least cause you trouble. I’d feel a lot more comfortable if at this point you would block her. He immediately agreed.

Given his reaction to your asking him to block her, I’d bet that he’s still in contact with her and keeping her as an option. And I know you don’t want to hear this but given the way you say he treats you, I’d just call it off. It’s not a healthy relationship if he’s belittling you on a regular basis. I don’t think he’s all that serious about you but women come here complaining of a man’s bad behavior and then say “but I love him!” and it takes a while for them to be willing to see the light and walk away. Feels like you’re one of those. I hope you won’t waste too much more of your life on him.

There’s no evidence that Vicki “barked orders” at him Tallspicy. You’re jumping to all kinds of conclusions as to what happened.

I know plenty of men whose LAST move after a breakup would be to get on a dating site. A man who has to jump on a dating site within hours or days of a breakup isn’t just “different”, LOL. He’s VERY immature.

There’s nothing “controlling” about letting a man you’re in a relationship with or back together after a breakup with that you are uncomfortable with him continuing to communicate with a woman he met on a dating site, even if you weren’t together at the time it happened. It’s reasonable to ask him to block that person. A man who argues back like this and turns it around on her is very likely hiding something.

But…at the end of the day, it’s all academic argument. The main issue is still that she believes in invalidates and dismisses her on a regular basis. A relationship where that’s happening isn’t going anywhere good.

She had a fight with him over a stranger he barely knew. I am sure there was barking involved with two immature people who probably both contributed to the issues.

We have no idea how long they were dating, if it was brief, even under 6 months, him getting out there is not an issue. It is clear they could both use some communication skills that are improved.

I wish never to read the word malarkey again. It does show disdain. But i agree with K, something about this rubs you the wrong way tall spicy. And thats a pity since most of what you say is solid. Except when its about Bob

The need for blocking is a bit pointless because he can unblock whenever he wants and you wouldnt know. I get why you asked him to and why his hour long refusal was so frustrating and upsetting but it sounds like blocking her wasn’t the real issue for him…. it feels like a power struggle? I don’t know enough about your relationship and you’ve not said why you broke up but I’m in the camp of a guy being emotionally immature to jump on tinder for some attention and validation and probably to spit you since he must have told you he was chatting to her.

Amen to the poster commenting on the flakey guys on tinder that go “poof” and disappear. Too many times in the past I’ve ridiculously beaten myself up about it when a match has disappeared or one good date didn’t lead to another because i would just assume its a me problem rather than a him problem. So yeah temp breaks from gfs are a part of that drama and unwitting women get sucked in.

Also tallspicy your replies did seem unusually spiteful on this … I’m not going to say triggered because that’s patronising but your replies seemed out of sorts when you are usually straight talking but not unkind. I hope you are ok x

I see two major issues going on here.

First, it was a recent breakup where he drunk called you and now want to try again?

Second, why the need to tell you he’s on Tinder and chatting up a lady? Did all this take place during the “drunk call?”

Just know, do overs have an abysmal success rate (less than 20%) due to the fact the underlying issues that led to the break up have not been properly discussed or resolved which takes time work through.

It sounds like there’s more going here than this lady, she’s just a smokescreen that doesn’t allow the two of you to sit down and have a sober discussion BEFORE you even attempt a do over, as no man would get a second chance with me if he was still chatting up another lady—I would be gone like donkey kong!