Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › When A Man Says "You're too good for me"
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lorie.
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Sarah
I have read a related article on when a man says you are too good for him…… sometimes people say it is because they are just using it as an excuse or that they feel they can not love them as much as they needed to be loved.
If a man does not want a relationship because he says he does not want the responsibilities of a relationship/ he does not want to commit…. but then he says you are too good for him does that translate into “you are not good enough for me”?
I feel like the saying you are too good for me is basically saying you are not worth it enough for me to commit.
Thoughts?
Yams
Well some men (the seasoned players) use it as a smooth way to get out of things with a girl. They drop the line including things like “it’s not you it’s me” and they get out relatively easy.
But sometimes I think a guy means it. The fact is we accept the love we think we deserve. Particularly in a man’s case, if he feels he cannot provide for you (whether emotionally, financially or socially or wdv) then it’s entirely plausible that he doesn’t feel deserving of your life. Men are historically providers.
Which the guy you’re talking about meant, only you will know.
Sassperilla
I agree with Yams. I do think some men mean it when they say that. And by mean it I think they are overwhelmed by the possibilities ahead and they don’t think they will be able to keep you happy.
One option is to reassure him of what you expect – do you value his love and understanding over having a big house in the right postcode.
And then of course there are the ones who use it as a cop out line to let you down gently.
Yams
Sass! How’s it going with you? Hope you’re doing well
Sarah
I definitely think he means he can not provide the love I deserve (emotionally/physically)
He is the type that does not know how to handle other people’s emotions. He does not want to get close anymore for fear of hurting himself. He finds he gets too comfortable with girls and over time he feels the need to be more independent … eventually wanting to be single again.I can’t make him change his mind, He needs to realize he will be forever alone if he continues to be emotionally unavailable.
Stefanie
Sarah, no he DOESN’T need to realize it. He is getting some pay off for staying this way. He will get it, if he ever gets it, in his own time. He sounds like he is not for you.
Sass, give us the 411 on your post thread on how you are doing!!
Sarah
I agree like I said, he will get it on his OWN terms. I can not change him and will not give him the attention.
The only thing he is getting from this is no emotions towards women, fun relationships that don’t last, no commitment to anyone, doing whatever he wants….
but I know he hates himself. Because he is scared he will be aloneYams
You’ll find that a lot of emotionally unavailable men do want to end up in loving relationships deep down. They just cannot bring themselves to get there because they get scared of being vulnerable and dealing with their emotions.
The fear of losing some special girl may make an EUM change, but it’s going to have to come for him. There is literally nothing a woman can do besides make her exit when she realises that he’s emotionally unavailable. Either he steps up because he’s afraid to lose you, or he doesn’t and you’re free to move on. Either way, you’re better off.
Sarah
Thanks, Yams! I agree, it has to come on his own. We are friends right now (no sex). I can’t get my hopes up. But eventually he will come to it. He is so young he thinks he does not need to know how to be a good boyfriend right now. He is only 23. I think he is stalling his maturity
Lagirl
It’s a nice way of letting you down…
Stefanie
Sarah, why are you so invested in someone who can’t give you what you want?
Sarah
because I feel we are meant to be. i don’t know i feel we can be a great couple again if he is ready to be in a relationship
Claire
My ex said this to me. He said it to me when he was trying to get back with me after running around with his ex. Maybe he genuinely knew he wasn’t good enough as he obviously wasn’t after what he did or maybe it was a get out of jail free card. Either way, as women we spend far to much time analysing this stuff rather than getting on with our lives. If these guys wanted us, they’d be with us or maybe they do want us and just can’t step up to the plate. It isn’t our job to babysit them and make allowances for them not being man enough to fight for us. If they can’t fight for us then they just aren’t the men we need or deserve. We want men who would move heaven and earth for us, please ladies don’t settle for anything less. I’m tired of shit men with shit excuses. Only the best will be making it my way from now onwards.
Sarah
my ex wants me to tell him what i’m doing for my birthday because he wants to join me! he also sent me a heart emoticon .. i am over NC period but I don’t want to get carried away
Sarah
basically we are trying to be friends but i don’t know its awkward he always wants me to text him first i think because he is afraid of making too many moves / he wants me to take the lead since he broke up with me and doesn’t want to look like he is too interested
Sarah
what should my next approach be?
Lane
Remain silent! Like they say “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result.” Say this every time you think of him: “He’s NOT worthy of me or my attention!”
Jacky
It’s a cop out for sure!!!! A man will indeed move heaven and earth if he thinks you’re for him I’m seeing a guy at the moment who is pulling that stroke on me at the moment. whilst I haven’t dropped him yet, I am keeping my options open and dating other guys too who appear more invested in me! It isn’t my job to figure out this dude! Hope this helps
Maria
If you are truly friends then why would he care who initiates?
I agree with Claire, do not settle. Do what is good for you, not what he wants you do to.
If he says you are too good for him, well, take it as is, you ARE too good for him. Say that you agree. lol
If you care less, you will know what to do and what to say, it is only when we still care (and usually more than we should) that we are confused and don’t know how to proceed.
Stefanie
Jacky, Maria: this post is a year old.
Sun
How can you say that you two could be a great couple and are meant to be? When you yourself know his emotionally unavailable and immature? How do those traits make him great to be with in your opinion?
When I stopped thinking about what and why men do the crappy things they do when dating or in an exclusive relationship, that’s when I developed and gained so much emotional independence that I do not need a man to be happy. And I know this attitude, give off the right vibes because my my late husband and my BF now are always on a courting phase, i.e., it’s always honeymoon phase. Yes, life happens, challenges come along but both of them share the same trait that they don’t disappear or run in their man cave. They actually run to me for Zen time.
Why don’t we women try just that, stop analyzing their crappy behavior and just move on. Always keep your options open – for your own sanity.
Sun
When a man knows he doesn’t have a hold on you, like ever, he will either treat you well all the time or he will do anything to be the man who can make you happy. He will never get tired of chasing and pursuing and pleasing you because he knows that he would lose you if he gives you anything less. That is the honest truth. He will always work on making a better version of himself – you as the inspiration and not the frustration. Lol!
gloria
You understand this post is a year + old…?
Sun
My sister has been married for 17 years and her husband knows that if he gives her crappy behavior or takes her for granted, etc… She will walk out on him. My sister is a fantastic wife. She is loving, caring, funny, and smart. She is a prize to her husband and even his family sees her this way because she has standards and boundaries and she knows she can support herself and be independent and not scared of being alone if she is not happy. I was like that with my late husband till the day he passed. He knew I will walk out anytime if I was not happy.
Sun
Dang!!! LOL! A year old.
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