Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › when a very old ex keeps reaching out …
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by
Candy.
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Marie
I can’t understand why a guy who basically ghosted me after a 4 year on again/off again relationship continually reaches out, with not so important texts, and then when I answer, back to ghosting. Does he just want to see if I’ll answer? What makes someone do this, he has done it forever. Luckily, I’m immune to his advances finally, and am in a healthy, happy albeit new relationship. Otherwise, I would be thinking of nothing else but him and trying to figure out if his texts mean he wants me back. Old habits die hard as they say. A text from him makes my heart skip a beat, still til this day. We all have that one guy … and he’s mine. What to do, what to do. Why do people do this, and what’s the best way to handle it.
Maddie
Why not block him? That’s how people handle it.
What your ex does is typical behavior for emotionally unavailable people. They reach out because of learned dysfunctional patterns. It’s not about a special “one who got away” connection. Move on with the new guy, or continue to expect more of the exact same breadcrumbs you’ve gotten for years and years from the old one.
AngieBaby
No offense, but he’s done it forever because you’re tolerating it. I have an ancient ex who texts me out of the blue periodically and tells me he misses me. I blocked him a long time ago so he does it from different devices and numbers. I just shrug, delete and block the new device. Why do some people do this? I believe it’s out of boredom. It’s not working out with whoever they’re with or they’re alone, and they’re bored and they want to get a better feeling. That’s all. It’s like a baby reaching for a security blanket. But as soon as they get the secure feeling they drop the blanket. That’s why he doesn’t text you back if you respond. For some guys I also think it’s an ego stroke. They want to see if an ex is still hung up on them, which apparently you are a teeny bit.
His texts mean absolutely nothing and if you’ve already told him you don’t want further contact it’s actually very disrespectful. Just block him. He doesn’t deserve any more of your time or energy.
AngieBaby
You may want to consider telling him, if you haven’t already been clear, that you no longer wish to hear from him and you want the texts to stop as you’ve moved on with your life. Send him one of Tallspicy’s Bob texts. Hey Bob, it’s been a while since we ended things. I’ve moved on and I wish you the best. I’d appreciate it if you’d refrain from contacting me anymore. Thanks for understanding.
Marie
I blocked him. Texts like the Bob text generally motivate him to try harder, so I think radio silence is the best route. I have blocked him dozens of times, along with saving his contact info with names like ‘DON’T ANSWER!’, etc., but I always revert to my factory settings and unblock out of curiosity or worse. It has to end, and it ends now thanks to your good advice. Wish me luck, lol.
AngieBaby
That’s great Marie. Sounds like you have a good thing going with someone else, which is awesome to hear so focus on that and forget this other guy who just likes to yank your chain for stupid fun.
Raven
When this happens to me my response is, “What the Fuk do you want?”
It shuts them down!
Candy
Keeping it classy, Raven! LOL
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