Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › When he's falling for you but says he is scared
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 9 years, 8 months ago by
alia.
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SAlove
I was dating a guy for three months when he called it off with excuses of not looking for a relationship, scared of getting hurt, not the right person etc etc.So I accepted it, sent one drunken message a few days later but after that stopped all contact.
THEN two weeks later he calls me out of the blue and things start up again but in the meantime I had been on dates with other people. We agreed to keep it casual and that I would carry on dating other people but as soon as I thought it was going to go further with any of them, I would stop. So it got to that point and I told him if it’s never going to go anywhere what is the point.The problem now is that we ran into each other, both drunk which lead to a number of confrontations between us and him and my friends. It ended up with us going home together. BUT in all these conversations, he had said that he is falling for me but is scared of getting hurt. I want nothing more than a relationship, however, I am not a clingy girlfriend and am incredibly independent which he knows.
So what do I do now? Is it going to be a constant story of going backwards and forth or will it ever go anywhere? Do I just leave him alone? What if he contacts me again (I’m incapable of telling him where to go, there’s something about him)? I’m not used to this!
Lane
HI SA.
I know this can be confusing but he needs to SHOW you that he means what he SAYS before you can believe it. Do not get wrapped up in this guy, continue to date others who are showing who they are and what they want with you on a consistent basis. I would keep sex off the table for a few months if you decide to see him again because that’s the only way to know his true intentions.
You need to maintain your power with this one. Do not let him drag you into another FWB because that’s what he will do if he can get away with it. Be strong, don’t fall for words alone and don’t give him your time if he’s not properly earning in which he would need to do a 180 (woo, impress and court you) before I would give him a minute of my time or attention.
alia
Agree with Lane-
Also it is not your job to show him that he won’t get hurt with you. Nor should you be punished for something some other person “did to him” in the past. Those are HIS issues for HIM to worked on. Working through trust issues takes time and serious work, therapy. Is he spending any time solving his issues, or does he think they will magically go away after a couple glasses of whiskey?It’s not your concern, keep living your life and keep your options open. Just as this guy has something special, there are other guys out there with “je ne sais quoi” and less issues.
Ivy
So first he breaks it off with you because he doesn’t want a relationship and then you restart things on a causal basis?
What exactly are you hoping to gain by engaging in a casual relationship with him?
Ya know what it’s simple. Men who want and are ready for relationships, they act like it, they say it and they walk the talk.
And noway nohow is this guy gonna get ready for a relationship when he’s in a FWB with you.
Get your head straight about what marriage material men look and act like. This man isn’t the last fish in the sea.
Ivy
What I would do is this: Tell the guy that you are not willing to risk getting emotionally attached to a man that isn’t ready for a relationship. Therefore you can’t be friends or FWB’s.
Now I know you don’t want to do that and you probably won’t do that but do the casual and your on the road to a yo yo relationship that’s gonna tug at your heart.
Amy
I read somewhere the difference between a mature relationship and immature relationship is they don’t “fall” in love. They walk confidently into it.
Doesn’t seem mature enough.alia
Ivy-
While I agree to all of what you are saying, but do you think telling the guy she can’t risk getting emotionally attached to him will accomplish anything? Will it not be simply be honey to his ears?
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