Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › When should a girl initiate contact?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by
zen2475.
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Marissa
Hey everyone just wanted to get some feedback on when you guys think its an appropriate time for a girl to initiate contact to a guy.
Ive gone on 2 dates with this guy that I connect mentally with and I’m wondering if I should initiate the third date or if I should continue letting him pursue me. We’re both not very affectionate people so its hard to tell if things are just platonic or not, but I’m definitely interested in seeing where this can go.
Ashley
Mo definitely do not initiate any texts or dates. 2 days is WAY too soon to do any initiating, definitely WAY too soon to plan a date! Let him pursue you in every way or you will upset the dynamic of the relationship. Guys need to continue to chase you until they claim you as exclusively theirs in a relationship. The only time you can initiate is when you’re boyfriend & girlfriend. Even then, initiating should be kept at a minimum. The female taking control in a relationship & being the initiator turns guys off. They feel like they aren’t earning it and it makes attraction plummet fast
Ashley
No* and dates* lol sorry!
redcurleysue
Hi Marissa,
I think after a few dates (4-5 or so) a woman can invite a man over for dinner to show she appreciates all his time and efforts.
She should then not plan the next dates – let him keep up the chase – she can repeat a home dinner or a picnic every 4-5 dates…etc.
If what you are saying is that he is not contacting you right now do not contact him.
Marissa
I agree with both of you Ashely & Sue– we went on our second date last night and I feel like if he was interested in a third date he would’ve already texted just to chat or something. We had lots of things to talk about on our date but maybe the good 2nd date was just in my head
Raven
Personally, I would not initiate a 3rd date for dinner @ my house… He will expect sex… unless, that is what you want…
Serena
Marissa, if you only went on your second date last night don’t be so quick to write him off as not interested. If he works he may be preparing for the workday, maybe catching up with things within his own life. It’s only been two dates – just breathe and relax. Give him at least 3 days to make contact.
zen2475
I think the thing to do here is to better manage your expectations. When you impute an arbitrary timeline on someone or something, you are destined for disappointment. I think it’s best to ease back and just go on with your life. He will contact when he does.
Managing your expectations is the key to keeping your relationship (and yourself) healthy and happy. The best relationships happen organically. Think about your best friend from childhood. We’re guessing you didn’t build up a huge expectation for this relationship when you met in gym class in the third grade. Instead, you just enjoyed it for what it really was, a new friendship with someone who you liked being around. Only later on did it blossom into something greater. Remember this the next time you think he should have called by “x” number of days to ask you for another date. Give this time and space to grow on it’s own.
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