Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › When to Contact him?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
Sammy.
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Rhonda
Met a v interesting guy. We talked for close to 3 hours when we first met- He was blown away we we talked that long — that time passed so quickly – it was very sweet.
Then came the holidays, and snow and cold weather and due to COVID eating indoors was not an option. So we have been texting, mainly on my inititation. I contact him and he says he’s always happy to hear from me. At one point, told me to LMK if my texts were a bother, — he said — they bring a smile to his face.
He says he is intrigued by me and thinks i am a mystery – i see it as simple, we met on a dating site.
I finally decided to either try to meet this guy or move on.
I asked him to meet me, he was going out of town for the weekend, but asked to meet me during the week.
I followed up, with a text after the weekend, and he gave me his work hours and availability but no specific time – i told him to let me know if/whenHe had some free time and told me. We set a time and date
We met and talked for hours and time slipped by.
I thought there was a great connection– but have no clueWe were both very polite — and thanked him for meeting me and said im free to meet up again if he’d like – he said definitely.
We parted – and texted each other – how great it was to meet each other.
Silence – only been a day, and not unusual.I would like to get to know this guy more, but don’t want to feel like I am chasing him or bothering him.
I don’t know him so don’t know if he likes to be pursued. I dont want to chase him but dont want to let him go
From what i can see is a super nice guy and as he has said very much a romantic.Advice
Liz Lemon
You ARE chasing this guy, big time. Why are you doing all the work? You’re initiating all the texts. You actually told him to let you know if your texts were a bother (that was painful to read)– a guy should NEVER make you feel like you have to say that! You asked him out on a date. So far the guy has been polite and nice but you can’t tell if there’s a connection.
This guy isn’t even texting you. It sounds to me like he’s enjoying the attention but doesn’t actually want to do any work, and isn’t particularly interested. My advice is to stop initiating and see what he does. The only way you’ll know if he has any interest is if you let him do a bit of work. Don’t initiate, don’t text first, don’t ask him out again. Let him reach out to you. If he doesn’t, or if he goes days/weeks without texting to say hello, you know he’s not interested in you.
The thing is, you can chase a guy and convince him to respond to you and meet up with you up to a point, but you’ll never really know his level of interest unless you let him initiate. Trust me, I have been in this exact spot. Some guys are polite, nice, they enjoy the conversation/company/attention– but they have no romantic interest and no intention of dating you. So you’re wasting your time if you have a romantic interest in a guy like that. If you have to do all the work– if you’re the one who’s always texting, suggesting to meet, making the dates– that’s a very, very bad sign.
T from NY
Dating is hard for women. We love companionship and relationships and being attracted and interested in a guy. And it sucks we can’t just completely go after what we want – because when we do – it almost never works out. Men have to initiate a LOT of the time for us to know their true interest. We preach many things on this site like gospel. And of course there will be specific situations, dudes, and connections that don’t go exactly as we describe. But HERE – you are chasing this guy. You’re doing all the masculine work.
Just because he responds warmly and meets up with you does NOT mean he’s interested (any anything other than companionship and some laughs with a girl who’s clearly digging on him). For you to know if this guy likes you – you have to let him step up. Stop reaching out to him completely!! Then watch to see if reaches out to you to set up a date. If he doesn’t – he’s not a good fit and you deserve one who reciprocates your interest. (Beware sometimes when you’ve been slathering attention on a guy, he grows used to it, so will react and possibly reach out when you stop. Don’t get into texting exchanges with him that are vague or him making no plans to see you.) Be strong. Know your worth. There’s nothing wrong with you if a guy doesn’t like you back. It just means he’s NOT YOUR GUY.
Zoe
Never is the answer
Sammy
Sorry to say you are chasing to much. He enjoys attention. L
Lean back and let him come to you… if he doesn’t that’s your answer! -
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