Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › When you find out he is married !! Please help!!
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Anna.
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Sam
ok I have fallen for this guy who has been flirting with me pretty heavy at first I caught him looking at me then he held my gaze which felt like eternity from here on we started chatting and flirting he would always initiate the conversations and hold my eye contact almost electrifying …all the while I thought he was single that is until our last conversation where he was writing my phone number down that is when I noticed it the ring on his finger … Yep he is married !!
I was speechless and ran off ..My question is why would he do that lead me on and behave like a single man???
What should I do now … apart from the obvious and keep running … I am thinking if I see him again I will explain to him I thought he was single and I disagree with what he is doing .. What are your thoughts .. ?
Am so angry and disappointed…
Please help!!!Amy S
He behaved like that because he can. Lots of cheap women out there that are willing to go there with a married man. You dont entertain this guy in any shape or form. Dont listen to the bs of how the wife doesnt understand him and they dont sleep together. Hes a douchebag and will cheat on you too. You shouldnt invest on a guy you have never been out with anyway. Dont allow yourself to have feelings for a guy until you have dated him and he has been trustworthy and consistent for a good few months. x
Sally
It’s not your business to tell him that what he’s doing in wrong. He’s not going to change, and it’s obviously flattering for him to see how women “fall” for him just because he flirts with them. Your reaction to him was nothing more than a giant stroke of the ego for him – and there’s more where you come from.
He’s married and he still seeks reassurance from other women that he’s got the “charm” – sounds like a real keeper to me. Stop psycho-analyzing him and just keep running. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you will be “special”, and that he will treat you with more respect than he is treating his wife (and probably the mother of his child(ren)). He probably won’t. If he can cheat with you, he can cheat ON you.
Keep running, and “unfall” for him. He’s a loser and a douchebag. You deserve better, don’t you ?
redcurleysue
I have had this happen to me a couple of times. Met a man who I thought was very interesting and he showed a lot of potential…then find out he is married…yuck.
You do not have to educate a grown man that what is wants is wrong for you. What you do is stop the flirting on your end if you have to deal with this person.
I usually thank God I am not the GF or wife. I feel soooo sorry for her. I just know it would break her heart to know her partner is behaving this way – and you better believe if she were standing there you would get the chilly treatment.
If you pay close attention to how this man treats other women you will see he is not worth any woman’s time.
Sam
thanks for your advice I definitely will have to avoid him due to the sexual chemistry we both have when around one another, so disappointed. Let’s hope he doesn’t call me…. really feel for his wife and whoever else crosses his path … but not my problem …
Thanks will stay away from this one ???? x
Sam
so I have not been back to place where this guy works for 5 days been avoiding it.. yesterday & today I went there & on both occasions his car was there but he’s no where to be seen … I think he may know that I saw his ring and has backed off i just feel so awkward because I was reciprocating his flirting and I didn’t realize he’s married …
I just don’t understand why he didn’t tell me when he took my number that he was married perhaps he had second thoughts …
Why do guys do that ??….anyhow I just wanted to let him know I didn’t know he was married …
anyway I am grateful for backing off because that connection was kinda scary…Miss_Aspiring
Sam, you didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t have to explain anything to him or apologize for anything. He is the loser, and you did exactly the right thing by running away when you saw his ring. Good for you! Some women might have seen it as a “challenge” and possibly gotten involved in something very messy and painful.
Hold your head high – ignore him if possible, but if you do see him, just act like a casual acquaintance and nothing more. It’s not your job to bring up the wedding ring or the implications behind what he’s doing. Just stay confident and keep dating other guys who really are available.
Ms Realistic
We are all adults and are in charge of our actions. Yes, find out all you
can about anyone you are interested in or is showing interest in you. Then
you can determine what you want to do with that information. If you are bound
by the typical morals and ethics send the married guy packing and if you aren’t
be fully aware of what you’re getting yourself into and don’t blame anyone for the
outcome. Remember you are can’t change any one except yourself. If you want to have
a little fun without commitment go for it but again don’t blame anyone else if you fall in love and he won’t leave his wife.Sam
Thank you all for your advice I am definitely going to be keeping away…
So I’m guessing the reason married men flirt heavily like this is to have an affair?
Just wondering, not that I want to initiate anything trying to understand the whole thing as I have never come across a married guy flirting like that …
Usually it’s soft flirting that I have encountered but nothing as constant & alluring as this guy… and to think of that attraction/chemistry thing too … he would blush then I would gee mmmm definitely didn’t have my guard up on our first encounter … Guess that’s how it happens when your at your most vulnerable… lesson learnt …Sam
well I don’t need to explain myself nor bother about being nice to him I have been to where he works a few times now and on all occasions he is working but he is never around .. like he is out the back avoiding me when before he would see me enter on cameras and then come out into the store .. Mm
I guess he is either embarrassed for flirting and leading me on like that or he is keeping a distance due to the deep attraction we both have .. because I sure backed off cause that attraction was crazily hot!! not too mention scary…
Do guys back off when the attraction is strong and they are hesitant to progress things when their married ..? just trying to understand this … because I backed off but I am willing to be polite to him if I bump into him just unsure …
Ness
Sam,
You’re reading too much into this. HE’S MARRIED!! Period. Any “attraction” you all may have is nothing but lust and infatuation. That will die eventually and he will go back to his wife. Please stay away from this man. He’s no good and there’s no reason to try to figure him out. People think cheating is just strictly physical like kissing and having sex, but the fact he was really flirting heavily with you was cheating in my eyes. And say if he does leave his wife for you, you just opened up your position as the side-chick for the next woman that comes along because if he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. That’s a given. So please stop trying to figure out why he was flirting with you while he has a wife, b/c he’s a no good piece of shit. Obviously things aren’t going so well at home so he’s looking for an outlet so he doesn’t have to deal with the issues. Is that a man you really want to deal with? When things get rocky his first response is to flirt with another bitch? (not calling you one, just using it as a figure of speech) I don’t think so. Move on, and date SINGLE MEN who are emotionally ready moving forward.
kaye
The guy found you attractive, he flirted with you and got your number but never acted on it. Apparently he came to his senses. Doesn’t that tell you something? So, LEAVE THIS ALONE!! To me it sounds like you are purposely going by his work, seeing if his car is there and trying to run into him. And then worried about whether or not you should be polite if you run into him. Stop playing this little game and move on to a man who’s available to you.
Sam
Thanks Ness & Kaye I have no intentions to progress anything and am not deliberately going when he’s there I even went on the weekend when he doesn’t work but long and behold he happened to be there ..anyhow I have only been there about 3 times over 2 1/2 weeks . But will now avoid altogether.
The reason I asked those questions is because I’ve never had a married guy hit on me like that and lead me on with heavy flirting , usually it’s the usual glance etc but it’s nothing .. So I was just trying to understand it..
And I definately don’t want to cause dramas with an affair and yes Ness I thought same thing yuck if he can do that to me he would do it to someone else..
Thanks again x
P_Asohka
Typical A-hole that lusts after human flesh. What’s awesome is that you recognized that it’s wrong to carry on with a married man. Needless to say that a smart man would’ve taken off his ring (I’ve had that happen to me) and then later down the road you’ll see him wear it. Ugh, or if they are in a relationship gosh yes women these days are so raunchy they don’t care about anyone and will be happy to carry on with a taken man.
I am sort of worried that you even questioned it????? I don’t think you need to even tell him anything, just say you’re not interested in a married man and have a nice day. Leave it at that. You don’t owe him ANYTHING.
Sam
The only reason I reciprocated to his flirting in the first place is he never had a ring on and because he would continue other times to initiate flirting I never thought twice its only after about a month or so of flirting and talking when I was starting to get reeled into the attraction and he was writing my phone number down that I saw the ring so he obviously forgot about it this time so yes I am grateful I saw it and it was an early discovery .. ( I was so stunned I couldn’t find the words to say anything except ok see ya and I took off )
I guess I only questioned it because it took me by surprise that a married man would go that far flirting with someone never having this done to me before … so now I know anything is possible with men…
And I also guess I felt like it put me in a awkward position because I felt bad for flirting with a married guy like that … hence why I asked should I say something but I really thank everyone because I now don’t feel bad for something I didn’t know when in fact it should be him who should be feeling bad..
thanks heaps for the advice everyone xxredcurleysue
This man was heavily flirting since he is on the fence about having an affair. He is really ready…that is why you felt it so heavy.
Do not jump off a bridge without a parachute and do not go back in that store ever again.
Sam
good point Redcurleysue i am now aware how affairs start like you said I felt it heavily …. and yes i have told myself that… I will go to another store further away … men .. hoping the next guy that comes past my radar is single xx
Many thanks xx
Cecilia
I found out yesterday that the guy I’m with is married and has a child. I blocked him in wechat and whatsapp.
It was such a disastrous feeling with I saw his Facebook of his wife and the child’s photos and not forgetting his wedding photos.
I sent him a note before I blocked him. I didn’t tell him much but I told him that he is being dishonest to me and I don’t want to continue chatting with him. I wished him all the best and take care. And he resent me multiple times of friend requests which I ignored. Then he sent me a not saying me childish. I blocked him right away.
Should I let him to explain before I blocked him? We are in long distance relationship by the way
Raven
If he messages you again, ask him what what his wife think if he knew about you …?
Jo
Why were you not just direct? You could have said you don’t date married men and blocked him? Easy. Why make more drama than necessary?
Samantha
If you’re attracted to a guy, but don’t know his marital status, would not you check to see if he wore a wedding ring, as an initial thing?
Phillygirl
Seriously? Should you let him explain before you blocked him??
Why in the world would you do that? So he can lure you back with lies??And if this was only LDR chatting it was not a relationship. Please ladies wake up.
Emma
He’s a jerk, that’s why. Stop worrying about it and wasting your time posting on here over a guy who acts like this.
Remy
I too was in that kind of relationship Cecelia. Been together with a married man for 6 months after we spent 12 days together last Feb. We talked over skype every single day, from 1pm my time- 12 midnight.. He told me he was already divorced for 3 years! However he told me his “ex” needs to go back to “their” house because their 15 years old son has OCD and Aspergers. I saw a lot of recordings and videos of him which i can say worst case. After 6 months continue talking, seeing each other on cam and texting and emailing i asked him when are they going to put their house on sale? (he told me that July after his daughter’s graduation in high school they will. So when i started asking him, he gets uncomfortable and uneasy. Then, he admitted that they are still married and he talked to her he wants a divorce, but she doesn’t want because of their son and maybe they will find each other again. 3 weeks after that talked, i told him we will never continue our relationship because he can’t get out and because of all the lies. Yes, I love him so much, very very much and i know he loves me too (or i was only delusional). 2 weeks ago, i told him it will be over and he panicked and called her 19 years old daughter and told her about us! He called me in skype and I was so shocked she’s staring at me on cam! After that day, he told his wife about me too! She was of course mad, angry, and devastated like i do. He asked her for divorce but she didn’t talk to him for 2 days. Sunday they talked a long time and they decided to fix their marriage because she forgave him and because of their son. I said that’s final and we will end it there. After that day, he sent me some short emails how painful it was for him, how unhappy he was, he has been collapsing and been to the doctor for some medication, but i told myself it will never be successful to be with him.
Cecelia, I gave him the chance to explain why.. and yes it will even change your mind to let go. But i have to be brave and i need to move on. He has no ring on his finger because he took it 5-6 years ago, he has no pics on his fb, he has no pics of them in any other social media, nothing.. But maybe once the kids are involve your chance or my chance to be the man we love is so thin to almost zero.
All i can say now after 2 weeks, is I hope him best and happiness. I hope they can fix what they should have fixed a long time ago before i came into the picture.
Anyway, the woman and kids didn’t blame me.. they blame everything to him. I told his daughter that I really dont know that he is still married. And even his daughter told me on cam that her parents are having problems for a long time and they try to fix it, for 4 years she hears “divorce” many many times. And she also said we also have problems because of my younger brother, and I know how unhappy my father is.
I don’t have any contact with him for 2 weeks now. Hopefully everything with him is going well.
Be brave and strong, it will be painful but you will make it.. Save yourself not your relationship.
Sal
Sheesh – talk about a thread based upon assumptions.
Did this guy tell you with his own mouth he is otherwise attached? It may be the case he is, however you couldn’t even face him and let your boundaries for yourself be heard. Now you want to come on herr and let strangers tell you what to do about a man you nor them (me included) no nothing about.
There are married people out there too not wearing rings, and probably flirting. Single people wear rings as well on certain ceremonal fingers, for adornment purposes only. I’m sure they are flirty people too.
And people flirt all-the-time it’s human nature, and chemistry has a lot to do with it. It’s what we decide to act upon that matters in the long run.
You had chemistry for a brief moment.
End of story
This guy is getting a bashing from a bunch of women that know nothing about him.
How sad.
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