When you find out he is married !! Please help!!

I have a question for the group. I’ve been dating a man exclusively for a few months and have a feeling that he might be married. I have nothing substatial to go on, but have seen a few red flags. I’ve asked him straight out. My question: How do I respectfully tell him that I would like to date other people because of my concerns with his privacy.
I have tried to do this in the past and he has said that he only is interested in seeing me exclusively. I want to keep the door open, still be respectful, and at the same time protect my heart. Thoughts?

Thank you for your comment. We are in an exclusive relationship. He asked me to be his g/f months ago. He will not allow me to come to his home, he has a young daughter. I’m falling in love with him. The privacy aspect concerns me. I understand not introducing me to his child…but his home in general?

My point is, if he has an ex wife, she likely takes the child from time to time. There has to be a better reason than having a kid that prevents you from showing his home to you, if there appear to be secrets, there likely are secrets.

He does share custody. I agree. Thank you, Lisa.

Jo. I trusted in the beginning that we would become more open with our children and our home lives as time went on. My only concern is with his privacy. Which is becoming more an issue as time moves on.

We are very close and he is a private person. He says that only when he trusts someone completely does he let someone come over, and that it takes time.

Thank you for the comments and questions, ladies. They are appreciated.

May I ask how old you are? This is scary to think that a woman with a child would agree to having a total stranger, who doesn’t trust her, be a BF and be allowed into her home. What are you thinking? And I mean to be harsh because I don’t understand how foolish women can be.

Hannah: It doesn’t make sense, and I do agree with you that I need to get to the bottom of this b/c he is the only man in my heart.
Thank you.

To the other ladies. My children are young adults and they have not been introduced or exposed to my b/f. I’m very protective of my children, and in a sense can understand that he is (protective of his) as well.

Sal, someone posted on a new situation on an old thread so we’re not currently bashing the OP’s man, but the boyfriend of a woman who turned out to be married.

My thought is, do you KNOW he is married now? Just because you found a woman’s Facebook with wedding pictures and pictures of their child does not mean they are STILL married. If you know it for a fact, then by all means cut off contact.

Guys, because a person man or woman is married doesn’t take away the fact that they have emotions and can still be attracted to other people. What started out as a simple conversation, a glance can snowball into these situations very easily. This is my situation although married I liked this person but did not initiate except of pleasantries and I have alway been polite, then we began to communicate through texting nothing not just simple how is your day etc.. I began to be more intrigued I did not have game plan, I was simply going with the flow, one afternoon we decided to meet go for a walk and talk. The conversation was flowing and was innocent enough, then the conversation got deeper and I said, “I am married”.

well,suffice the say I am now the bad guy – “why did you allow me to developed feelings for you, why did you look at me the way you did and finally the big one “why did you tell me that are married”.

I am so disappointed, so disgusted, I’ve lost all respect for you, I hate you…Bla Bla Bla

The point I am trying to make, whether married or not people over complicate everything we all have a moral compass and should not make excuses when things don’t work out the way you wanted them to, take responsibilities for your own actions and reactions if you wanted to know then you ask the question.

I would not agree to be exclusive with someone who is not already incorporating me into most aspects of their lives.

I am a single Mom and very cautious about letting someone meet my son, until they have shown they are honest, trustworthy, have integrity, and are a good person.

Building trust requires time & transparency (honesty with great communication and willingness to openly disclose facts and feelings).

As you get to know sonwone,he shouldn’t be crating more privacy around his life, but less.

Women are blessed with gut instincts for a reason. I find that it is usually when you ignore these instincts trouble follows.

We are in the internet age. There are so many ways to research a person and get most of the info you need. If not there are services you can pay for to investigate someone.

If you don’t trust this guy I’d bet there are behaviors and reasons not too. I’d pull back and not be available to see him till I got to the bottom of this, one way or the other.

In fact, maybe you need to tell him that until you figure things out, exclusivity is off the table. Then he can walk if he wants to.

Not one has a right to dictate your life to you. Honestly, I will give people the benefit of the doubt (to a point) at the beginning. But if they show signs something isn’t making sense/matching up, I re-evaluate whether my trust is deserved. It is their job to earn my trust if they want more if it.

I would trust my gut here and not go any further until I have concrete answers