Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Whether to text my ex?
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
cupcake.
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Danny
It’s been awhile since me and her split. I haven’t lost any feelings or anything for her. I have such a strong urge to text her but don’t know if I should? I’ve held off doing that since we split mainly just to try and move on, but my feelings haven’t gone away.
Things came to an end because of a commitment issue from her side. However, I can’t help think our situation really was right people, wrong time. You’ll be right to think, if it was right people, then surely it would of worked out? She had her own problems to overcome but I was willing to stick with her while she sorts them. I’m in a very difficult situation at the moment regarding all of this.
Lane
What is the true reason you want to reach out? To see if she’s OK, or to really try to work it out in the hopes of getting back together again?
What do you mean when you said “commitment on her side?” Is she afraid of commitment OR she had a problem with you being able to fully commit to her? If its the later, don’t contact her, unless your ready to do so. If its the first, what was her reason?
Daisy
How long is “awhile” since the split? Also, do you know for sure she hasn’t moved on and is with somebody else now?
Danny
I want to reach out to her because I miss her. Genuinely miss her. Not out of boredom or anything of that kind. I’m just unhappy without her.
She is afraid of the commitment. We came to the conclusion that she doesn’t really know what she wants. And yes that is unfair on me but at the same time, I’m unhappy without her. Just such a tricky situation.
Danny
Awhile is around 2 months. Whilst I don’t know for sure she is not with someone else. I’d be so surprised. She is not the type of girl to go from someone to the next within this timeframe and you’ll have to trust me of that one. I know her so well and am confident that is not the case.
T from NY
As I’ve gotten older (I’m mid 40s) I am so glad I’m not as wrapped in my pride as I used to be. I’m here to tell you there’s a difference between pride and dignity. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving someone, or wishing they would change or wishing they felt the same way for you. Or reaching back out to them after something has ended to check to see if they’re in the same spot. (Unless they treated you horribly or were abusive in some way – then it is never a good idea).
But where it becomes a problem for your self growth and dignity is if you do reach out – it doesn’t go they way you want, the person is unwilling to admit their problems and ALSO work on them —and you refuse to let go and move on.
I say go for it! If there’s been little contact and you just want to close that chapter (for yourself) completely – what do you have to lose?
BUT I would take some time to reconcile with yourself that if you let this woman know you miss her, you still have feelings and would like to try again and she expresses she does not see a future with you because she does not have similar feelings, or is flakey and doesn’t make real, concrete plans to address whatever her issues are – that you will actively work on ending it in your heart and MOVING ON.
Life is messy. Relationships especially. The most important thing we can do is always work on loving ourselves. We do that by speaking our truth and caring for our hearts.
Wish you luck.Brenda
Didn’t you post about this before? You said she didn’t know what she wanted if I remember correctly.
What other type of advice are you looking for? It appears you are lonely and haven’t tried to move on abd meet new women.
This woman is gone and you keep pining for what you cannot have. If she truly wanted you, both of you would be together right now. I don’t mean to be unduly harsh here but – it’s time you got on with your life.
She is not coming back.
Danny
I just don’t know what to do… You both have valid points
Lane
How long were you together, and what was her reason(s) for not being able to commit to you?
cupcake
I remember your mutliple multiple previous posts on this. She was the girl you had a thing with but told you she didn’t want a relationship with you? The one who not only slept with lots of other women but also told you about it? No?
The one that told you she didn’t want any form of commitment yet you kept on coming back hoping for change that never transpired.
Don’t go back for more of the same. I doubt anything has changed. This is only going to hurt you. Don’t look back keep moving forwards. She is not the one for you. You need to let go.
Lane
Holy crap cupcake I had forgotten about her. Using a dudes name Danny, threw me off my ability to sniff this one out. That’s why she (aka “Kelly” if I recall) was being so elusive in her responses to me haha. Good catch. Like they say “A form of insanity is doing the same thing over, and over, and over, and over, and over again yet expecting a different result.”
cupcake
@Lane Yep, I think it’s the same person.
And i hope that Danny or Kelly or … is finally going to take all the advice she has been given by so many different people over so many different posts. Let go of this woman and move on with your life!!!Danny
Cupcake and Lane you have me completely mixed up with someone else?
cupcake
Always possible of course. Then tell us more about your situation. People have asked you for details and you have ignored them or been Very vague. Why?
I still think you have posted about this before, but if not its very easy for you to clear that up by elaborating about your situation. This will also help people give you more accurate advise.
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