Who is overthinking it?


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  • #816743 Reply
    Juno

    I started talking to this guy shortly after he broke up with his gf. But he had to move and the three hour time difference didn’t make things easy so I cut it off. He was really into me and fell hard and fast. When we started talking I shared with him that I had a previous fling with a mutual friend and he did not take it well. Said it was a blow to his pride and some other kinda hurtful things. Some time after we stopped talking I hooked up with another guy, all very casual. It just so happens that he also knows this guy. Fast forward about a month and he moves back into town and asked me to meet so we could catch up. And we reconnected immediately and started spending more time together. As I’m starting to feel and see what could potentially be, I disclose that I had been intimate with this other guy while we weren’t talking. And again, he didn’t take it well. He reproached me that he wants to show me off to family and friends but that he can’t stand thinking that some of those guys are thinking “I already had her”, he asked if I don’t think about the consequences of my actions and how they might hurt or affect someone. He said some other things that I can’t remember the specifics of because I was focusing on feeling like he was calling me a ho. I expressed to him that we have very different sexualities (I’m free and liberal, he’s not) and that I don’t keep a list of what guy knows who so I can avoid any connections. I thought by coming forward to him I was being transparent and making it so he heard from me first and wouldn’t be a surprise. I don’t think I did anything wrong because I owed no one any loyalty when I did my business. But he is making me question my character and sexuality.

    #816755 Reply
    cupcake

    You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t owe him any loyalty. But…i can kinda understand his reaction. I mean if the shoe was on the other foot and he had been intimate with some of your friends, wouldn’t you be upset about that? I would be…i would feel like im just the next in line for a sexual adventure.

    Also you already know how he reacted to it the first time…why in the world would you tell him about the other one? Were you intentionally wanting to hurt his feelings? To brag? I don’t understand your reasoning there? Because being honest and transparent was completely unnecessary here. You don’t owe him anything. If he had found out along the way 🤷🏼‍♀️ that’s life. Everyone has a past and it wouldn’t have mattered as much i bet.

    I don’t want to come across as judgmental here. But he is right actions do have consequences.
    You have the right to live your sexuality the way you want to. No one has the right to tell you how to live it….But that doesn’t mean everyone has to agree with how you live it either.. Especially when it comes to potential partners.

    #816787 Reply
    Raven

    Another reason you don’t kiss & tell.

    #816797 Reply
    Juno

    I want to clarify that they aren’t really friends, not the type to hang out together, stay in touch and get drinks. They just know each other. And he did say that if he had found out later it would’ve been worse. Said they could’ve run into each other and it would’ve slipped out through “guy talk”.

    #816803 Reply
    cupcake

    If it would have been worse if it slipped out later through “guy-talk” then really thats his problem and his insecurities. Everyone has a past and while i can understand that it can be awkward/hurtful to find out something like that, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Also since they aren’t even friends, what does it matter? So yes he appears to be on the “slut-shaming” side of life and i would stay away.

    However I do find it very odd that you would straight out tell him that you were intimate with not one but two of his “acquaintances”. Like what were you trying to achieve? Especially since you know how he reacted the first time. And since they aren’t even friends, just people he knows ( from what it sounds like) why would you feel the need to even mention them?

    If they arent friends how would he have found out ( I m having a hard time people who don’t stay in contact with each other randomly meet up and go “ oh yeah by the way your gf…i f***ed her).

    Or are you all still in highschool/college? Bc that might have a different social dynamic altogether.

    #816827 Reply
    Miranda

    This guy isn’t your BF and its really none of his business who you sleep with. I understand you were trying to be transparent but you can’t and shouldn’t hold your sexuality against you. Do you know why things ended with his ex? he might also be in a fragile place right now because of that.

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