Who should contact first after a breakup

If you’re broken up, there’s no reason for any contact, imo.

What do you want the outcome to be?

We don’t know if the guy is lame. If I were dumped, I wouldn’t be so inclined to get in touch either. Hurt feelings, maybe anger, pride…

Grace – Why did you dump him in the first place?

I wouldn’t initiate with anyone that dumped me either! Why put yourself in the position of being rejected again?

I think you have to tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. You ended it so the ball’s in your court.

BUT think very carefully about why you ended it, what’s changed now and why you want him back. Do you really want him back or are you just missing him and lonely?

This guy sounds like a super catch. You are playing right into his hands. You need to first think about why youbroke up in the first place, would he change fi you got back together and if youre willing toget past past issues. Dont let his inaction give you the illusion that you want to be with him. First really evaluate why you did it then just send one message explaining youre sorry, you want to get back together and leave it at that.

Any guy worth their salt will fight for the girl they want to be with. I stand by what I said before and now you have confirmed how lame he actually was. A defensive, closed off, commitment phobe. That does not make for a happy relationship it means he is emotionally unavailable and that’s why he hasn’t fought for you. You think you love him because he reminds you of your father. Its not love its heartache. Want more for yourself and hold out for better. Everyone deserves a loving relationship but this guy cant give you this. I know its hard to hear but don’t waste time on the wrong guys. This guy hasn’t changed. x

oh, i know what happened here. you thought breaking up would make him regret being commitment phobic and it didn’t work. instead, you are the one going to him, the way you’d hoped he come back to you… am i off?

I agree with Sad7 I think that tactic did not work and you now are regretful.
I mean you broke up with him so I would see not reason as to why he’d be reaching out to you.

Whenever I’ve been dumped I did not reach out after the break up.
I mean instead of hoping he’ll get the hint and trying to build a rapport just tell him what is on your mind. GO from there, if he can’t commit to you move forward and yes perhaps its time to work on you.

Do you feel that things would be different this time around?

Dear Grace
“I broke it off with my BF two months ago. He did not sent me one text or make
one phone call during that time. I expected him to do so.”
You broke up with him because you wanted him to commit to you, you wanted to test his love. That is why you contacted him when he did not text or call you for two months.
Men hate it when women try to test their love. I did that with my boyfriend in the beginning, and he told me after that he knew I tested him and he hated it. Luckily he loves me enough to “pass” all of my tests.
I agree with Amy S., If a man wants a woman, he will fight for her. Men don’t let go of things they like easily.
From what I heard from my male friends, if a man loves a woman, he will miss her and contact her after 2 days or one week, doesnot matter who broke up with who. He will miss her smell,the conversations with her, her presence,… Men are actually not as strong as we think emotional wise.
If you still love him, tell him that you would like to try again. Then leave it to him and set a time that you willing to wait for his response. If he does not want to come back, move on. Don’t look back, Someone better will come along. Learn your lesson for the next relationship, don’t break up, if you are not ready to let him go
Good luck!

Since I am a recent dumpee myself….

You were the one who dumped him, why would he reach out to you if his only option would be to move on? It is healthy to not be communicating during a break up. He is probably confused about why you are now reaching out to him. You should be straight forward with your intentions. Maybe he has now moved on and now you’re too late.

Just because you’re the woman, doesn’t mean he should be chasing you after you dumped him. He might be thinking moving on was his only choice, you were the one who decided to walk away first so ball is in your court.

I agree with Hannah!

Update. It has been two months since I broke up with him and he never came back to text or call once. Not even a Merry Christmas to show he cared an inkling about me as a human being. He is even on a dating site.

I can understand if he won’t initiate any further contact due to being dumped. But this guy has to get his ego out of his ass. There were reasons why I got rid of him in the first place. Lying and never once explaining himself or trying to clarify things. He should be the one to come back and apologize to ME.

Seems to be that guys (or even ladies) who have been dumped for these types of reasons think the dumper should be chasing them!! What?? If I wanted him back why the heck should I be the one to beg, chase and put my life on hold? I have been waiting for him to come back and apologize and explain things about the lying.

It never happened and I can guess I know why now.