Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Why Am I So Hung Up On Him????
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m.
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meh
I really need a place to vent right now because I’m really annoyed with myself. I’m hung up on one of the world’s biggest douche-bags and idk why. I haven’t even talked to him in like 5 months and I’m still thinking about him and getting upset like he disappeared on me recently. For you to really get why I’m so pissed off with myself I’ll give a little history.
So me and this dude went to high school together and for some reason I wasn’t into him. I’m not sure why because I can’t remember but i think it was because I was too shy. He tried to get my number every day because we had a class together but I was shy (still is) and I wouldn’t talk to him so he gave up. 5 years later he found out we had a mutual friend and he gave her his number to give to me. I’m 23 now and I’ve never had a boyfriend but I want to be in a relationship. Nobody has really tried to get to know me since I got out of high school so I got my hopes up (like I usually do) and thought this was my chance to actually have a boyfriend.
We started texting and he came and saw me like two days after we started texting each other and he told me he still liked me and wanted to get to know me and of course I believed it. I would say we were talking for like 5 months but we only talked twice on the phone (and both times lasted like 15 minutes) and when he came a saw me (which was 4 times) so we basically delt with each other for like 5 months. And those 5 months were not fun he basically lied the whole time. He ignored me once and then we started back texting again and i thought it would be different but he ignored me again for no reason.
I know he’s no good for me and that if we were actually together it would be terrible but for some reason I can’t get over him. Idk if I just want to be in a relationship or if it’s just him but I’m sick of thinking about him all the time. I want it to go back to how it was before. I forgot all about him. But now I think about him all the time and I know he’s not thinking about me. Why am I so hung up on him?????
Jordan
Human nature. Wanting what you can’t have. Someone better will come along though.
Ashley
girl.. I COMPLETELY understand. I honestly think it’s the sentimentality of it.
I understand what you mean because my ex I know since I was 14, I’m 24, he always used to be in love with me but like you, I didn’t feel the same way exactly until a few years ago. he asked me to be his gf for the millionth time, we had been seeing each other, I thought all was great & like you, I was being lied to the entire time unbeknownst to me, I thought this time would be different, & he ignored me for no reason as well.
I think it’s because since we knew them when we were in high school, it has this weird sentimental feeling for us.
Even though long story short my ex treated me in despicable ways & come to find out was pathologically lying to me, the history & who he USED TO BE is what I miss & even though I KNOW in no uncertain terms that he isn’t worth one second of me even thinking about him, I still think of him in general especially when I have PMS & I’m so embarrassed because I always tell people they need to respect themselves & everything I’m always the voice of reason who gives great advice yet I have very stupid moments where I miss this guy who I know logically I shouldn’t.
I don’t have really advice because I’m guilty of it also but I just wanted you to know you are not alone! I can’t come up with a reason besides it being sentimental. I don’t have this problem with any guy in the universe but him.
EM
what you are feeling is completely normal. We have all felt this way. Don’t try hard to forget about him or feel guilty for thinking about him – the more you try, the harder it will be for yourself.
Trust me, this is a temporary feeling. It will pass, stop blaming yourself, be kind to yourself instead, go out with your friends and family. Pamper yourself and work harder at work/school and get involved in other things. Focus on self-improvement. If you think about him, it’s okay and time will heal you – it may take few more months to completely forget about him.
Few years ago, when my second bf broke up with me, I became infatuated with him. But now, I can’t believe that I even liked him – I can do so much better than him and I have dated and been in a relationship better men than him. So trust me, you will be fine.
Hannah
I think everyone’s done something similar at one point or another and its horrible!
Like Ashley says its about those feelings you got at the start, the what used to be feeling. The way I’ve got over it in the past is to realize what used to be wasn’t real. It was about the hope and optimism you had at the start, those feelings this could go somewhere wonderful.
But all of it was imagination. He wasn’t the guy you then thought he was and this certainly isn’t where you hoped you’d be. It’s particularly difficult with a guy we weren’t that into at the start, I think because what we like about them is the chasing and ego boost, so when they walk away we realize we’ve been sucked in to something we didn’t even want in the first place. We get emotionally invested assuming they’re genuine because they chased so hard, only to find out that actually they’re not.
Remind yourself when you get those pangs you’re grieving a romantic fantasy that didn’t come true. None of it was real or about him, it was about those feelings of hope and excitement that came to nothing. That’s what I did. It took a while for my ego to accept that but when it did I could move on.
Sensy
I believe it has a lot to do with self love in not putting ourselves through the agony you are experiencing. With self love, a shift can happen where you will stop thinking about him because you decide that he is not deserving of you.
Sin
I think it is a classic case of wanting something just because you can’t have it at the moment. There was someone I was hung up on for a long time (Yes we had brilliant connection, chemistry etc) and I was hung up on him till I met someone who I shared the same connection with. Additionally there are very few people in life that we actually like to another level/ love so this happens. But yes, my lil piece of advice: Even though you are hung up on him, continue to live your life, meet others and you never know! maybe he was gold but you’ll hit up a diamond! :)
redcurleysue
He is a romantic fantasy to fill a void for the moment. When you meet a “real” man that fills those needs the fantasy will go away.
So be happy that you can feel desire…it is good to feel that and keep up the hope that reality will even be better in the future…because it will.
Melody
When you are chased after really hard by a person and then they stop, it feels just as terrible as a break-up. All you want is that attention back, you want to feel wanted by them again, you do not want that to change. The way that you can help this phase get over with faster is to think of all of the douchey things that they have done to you, and remember that they were only putting up a front to get your attention.
Kai
I agree with the other posters. You are chasing/looking for some sort of high!
We all love a lot of attention where a guys showers you with affection as if you were the greatest thing on earth. And we all are!
But, read the forums here and you will find that many times every relationship has some kind of honeymoon phase. May it be two weeks, six weeks, or three month.
I can also confirm the initial infatuation period should not be measured as set standard for any dating scenario!
As many of the ladies here advice it’s so crucial to first get to know someone on many deep levels. As friends first.
Try not to get swept away by the first rush and by him showing puppy love.
I am sorry to see that this situation still bothers you. But try to take the advice given here to heart, everything said here makes sense and is most helpful.
Me too been through an other break up recently. My heart and brain do a fight every day. Brain knows he was never good enough for me, heart says: oh I still miss him, we were so close……
It gets better every day, hang in there. Sending positive vibes your way.meh
I do feel a little bit better after reading what you guys wrote. I’m trying to get myself to realize that I’m better off without him and I should be happy that I didn’t really fall for him or actually did anything with him. So I’m just going to take it day by day and hopefully I can forget about him one day or at least not feel the way I do about him.
Magg
I hope you are feeling better about this! If so, what made you move on? Could you share your best advices that really made you turn the page?!
I am going through the same thing. And all the advices above make sense,must a little hard when the ego starts pushing: you need his attention, you need him, blablabla…. Ughhhh. I really want to move on to!
Sending you positive energies!m
you want a relationship and you’re missing that. If some other guy who was way better came along, I bet you’d be over this guy in 5 minutes.
You’ve got to find a way to get past your shyness and put yourself out there, just a little bit. The more you tell yourself you are shy, the more you will behave in a withdrawn way that makes it hard for men to approach you… thus ensuring that you will be pining after this guy for a long, long time because any new guy is going to have to break through your walls of shyness. I get that it is scary, and you’re going to have to find a way to get past that. Therapy? A dating coach? Something to help you break out of your shell so you get to choose the men, rather than taking the man who is bugging you and bugging you and really only wants the challenge and then moves on as soon as you show any real interest. That is no fun.
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