Why are labels so important to a relationship?

yes because there’s a certain expectation. they don’t have to be unreasonable. it doesn’t mean you have to suddenly spend every moment with someone or anything there is just security because there is a standard in which you are treated. you’re not an option, you’re their bf/gf. like you’re exclusive, the other person can’t see other people or it’s wrong, it’s cheating. if you don’t have a title, technically you are not cheating so you get away with it without the same consequences. you can use the “we’re not technically together” excuse. you can pretty much do whatever you want & not have any consequences for your actions because you can pull the “we’re not a real couple” card. of course like you said this stuff happens anyway but most women want commitment & exclusivity & titles have the expectation that the other person wants the same, & is agreeing to a certain standard of respect. if you are comfortable without a title that’s cool but most women want it just like most women want marriage. on here most of us will say make sure you don’t have sex til you’re in a relationship.. that’s so the guy has to work for you, resulting in him valuing you, & if you’re in a relationship he won’t just not call again, or whatever. it’s about sharing things couples are supposed to share

As a side note: A lot of women delude themselves with scenario. The fact you kept “pushing for the label” is a good indicator that you want more and only trying to give yourself lame reasons and excuses to hang in there believing he will eventually see your value, fall in love, and whisk you to the alter. Sorry, but 9 times out of 10 it DOESN’T HAPPEN, so if you believe you will be that ‘lucky 1%’, then take the huge risk, but know that the odds are against you.

He found a really slick way to make you a FWB…

If the man really wants you, he isn’t going to say that giving you the title is too much work for HIM… really?

He wants a woman around at his convenience and if you are ok with doing that, fine. But I would not expect him to change his mind.

Men are not afraid of doing the work to keep a woman he values.

“In order not to lose him”? What exactly are you losing? A guy who doesn’t care enough to make you his woman? Someone who isn’t quick to lock you down? It’s sad that many young women in this generation settle for a guy who does so little for them.

It matters enough to him to NOT want to call you “girlfriend.” He doesn’t want the commitments associated with being bf/gf… which means he doesn’t value your relationship enough to have ANY sort of commitment to you. I’m sorry that he doesn’t want that with you, I can imagine how much it would hurt. If you just want casual sex without any commitment, then you can continue to see him as is. But if you want a man who wants to be with you, wants to have you as part of his life, not just an option, then you will probably be best served to leave this guy and find a man who values you enough to want you to be his girlfriend… and you won’t have to ask him after 3 months. He’ll be the one asking you :)

To clarify, when I said clarify with him or risk it, I am not encouraging risking it. I wouldn’t risk it, too high a price, he isn’t willing to give you title, don’t be willing to risk your heart. I’d ask him if he is seeking a relationship in general, you have nothing to lose you are already in the grey area with him. If he expresses little interest then it will probably be easier for you to walk away.

Whereas nobody can really say what this guy thinks or feels, it’s best to believe his words and what he told you.

I read someplace “You don’t have to nudge a man if you are the right woman for him.”

Hayley, you accepted crumbs not to “lose” him. Oh dear girl… low value behavior and puts all the power on his side. Half a loaf is not better than no loaf. Half a loaf keeps you chewing on something dry and stale and thus you are too busy to see a warm, fresh loaf that’s calling your name! :)

As someone else pointed out, he told you exactly why he doesn’t want to call you GF – because he doesn’t want the responsibilities that naturally come with a good complete relationship. He only wants the goodies. That’s a little boy, not a man. You can do better.

Oh and Kay… just because this guy emails you each night before bed doesn’t guarantee he isn’t seeing someone else.

Hallo everybody, i just saw this forum, and i was happy, because I am also in the same position and maybe a little more complicated i need help, any advice will help alot.

I am single mom and I started seeing this guy ( Widower ) for about 7months now, we met 3months after he lost his wife with cancer, after almost 6 months of illness. We used to know each other before, since i worked for him about 5years ago, but we had no any romantic connection then but we understood each very well.
We are dating since then and do alot of things together, he arranges for dates every now and then, we drive for weekends away and the recent long travel we did was New year eve we travelled away for a break together for 4 days, generally we try to see each other often,but mostly weekends we go for concerts, dinning,shopping together etc, I have a child and i can only have him for the whole weekend or sleep over when my child is not around at Dad´s place… or i visit him at their home, he has bigger Kids i have just met one of them since he lives with him in the house still and the others are adult he hasnt told them anything about me. after almost 4 months i wanted to know what we are gf/bf, but he kindly asked me to give him time, because he has been through alot the last months and he wish that everything should remain as it is, he says am very important person to him and cares alot about me, but he doesn´t have the strength for a relationship at the moment. before christmas i told him how i feel about him and I have fallen in love with, but he still said the same that i should give him time, but not that he loves me ;( I didnt like his response but i tried to understand him and give him time. After sometimes i realised that he has started to communicate and seen his ex from many years ago 3 times, whom he was madly inlove with, but he told me that he has no feelings for her at all, they are just friends, the lady is commited to someone else too but not married, but somehow I dont feel ok with the whole thing, I know and i realised that he is still mourning but i dont understand why he should sometimes communicate and see his Ex,I know since we have no a lebelled relationship i have no write to ask and tell him to stop seeing his ex… am about to let go, but am not really sure if this is the right thing to do or give him time and trust that things will work out somehow. I love this guy, we understand each other so well and i believe what he says, he know i dont like the idea of him seeing this woman but he tells me that i should not worry about her, and he wishes that things should remain the way they are, but am not happy with the situation somehow, what should i do, please help am so desparate…thanks everybody and for your contribution.
Kabibi

One day you’ll meet a guy who wants you to be his gf after like the 3rd date. And he’ll brag about you to his friends and introduce you to the important people in his life, proudly calling you his girlfriend. And you’ll be really happy and secure.

But you won’t meet this guy if you’re hung up on this dude. Things are going nowhere fast. Why are you dating? To have fun and hangout or to meet someone to get serious with? If it’s the latter, move on!

I would also like to caution girls of guys who want to make you their gf after the 1st date and who are not looking to waiting. That is mostly the case if the girl seems like one who will not sleep with him till she is in a relationship and such guys have figured out a way past this.

It matters, not because of a silly “label” insomuch as it means he’s not hesitating for any reason to be all in. This guy is TELLING you why it matters, because he’s unwilling to put in the time and effort it takes to be a good and decent partner. It matters because in the back of his mind, he knows if he meets the girl he DOES want to make his girlfriend, he has an out – “we weren’t official”

Does a title ensure a good and monogamous relationship? Of course not. But you have a hell of a lot better chance of that if he’s telling the world “this is my girlfriend”. It means you’re a team, you’re sure of something. If you and he have had multiple arguments in 3 months over this, you’re not okay with it. Sometimes it takes awhile, it took my boyfriend about 4 months to become comfortable with it, but I never doubted we would get there so it was never a topic of conversation. If you doubt what you have with him so fundamentally that it’s come up 3 times and he’s so against making you his that it’s a fight… There’s your answer.

You’re a placeholder. You deserve better. Go find it.