Why are relationships and dating so hard now days?

Social media makes it so easy.
It’s much easier to meet different people nowadays.
Women always are becoming like men nowadays s, where before didn’t sleep with a man in first night or less he was made extreme effects now men all they do is send few nice and the woman is all in it.
I think romance is dead per se people just don’t put the time to fall in love anymore, therefore marriage and commitment is dead.

Part of what has changed are our roles. Men used to need a caretaker and women a provider. Now we neither of us need each other unless we want kids. So there is little incentive to compromise or work through issues.

Personally, for me, I’ve settled into a life where I have a couple of men that I find attractive who are FWB. We have great sex, I trust them. On their end, they either have kids, or don’t want them and they have busy lives. I have a similarly busy life. There is actually some romance to it. They fill my need for sex, physical connection and actually, to a degree, emotional support.

I did date for awhile, looking for a relationship, and what I found was that I was not meeting men that I was willing to compromise my life for. For example, I dated a guy with kids who was attractive and a “good catch”, but for me, I had no interest in giving up my Saturday mornings to go be with him and his kids. I think if I had specifically “needed” a provider, he’d have held my interest for awhile.

I meet a lot of “quality” men looking for relationships, but they want the “ideal” woman. What I normally see is that they want a very fit woman, very attractive, works hard, lots of time to travel, and willing to eat/drink out a lot (while maintaining said figure). So basically for me to land a man who is similar income and level of attractive to me, I need to be a unicorn (I can’t maintain my figure and dine out with any regularity). They don’t want flaky women, fat women, etc. So they won’t compromise.

So basically, what I think has happened is that your higher quality people in the dating pool, who have opted out of kids (or already have them) have almost no willingness to compromise any aspect of their life for the sake of being “in a relationship”. High quality men have no problem getting laid, and generally have the money to buy anything else a woman would provide.

High quality women are smart enough to not settle for a guy who is a liability for the sake of a relationship. If they are interested in sex, they have no need to compromise on quality because it’s easy to find a high quality man to short term romance you if you are chill.

Then you have low quality men who think they are entitled to high quality women. They see high quality men getting away with casual sex and think they should be able to get that. They don’t offer ANYTHING to high quality women. And then you have low quality women who think they can find a high quality man they can sex into providing for them. They don’t realize the high quality man has no need for them.

So basically, no one really wants a relationship these days unless they need someone to provide or want a family, unless they find the unicorn.

Also, men of older generations have always cheated. Their wives are deluded. It’s like, lady, your gross 65 year old husband is hitting on 23 year olds. Men in that 60+ category are creepier than any 25 year old trying to get in your pants.

Is romance dead? Unfortunately, yes…..and I can’t see it getting any better in the future.

Leah-
I don’t think the romances you see in the movies represent the old kind of love anyway. Plenty of men and women found themselves in abusive, toxic marriages and/or settled. It was just harder to get out and you didn’t have the option to get out in many cases.

And there are good relationships all around, that do work for the people in them.

I feel a great deal of romance in some of my casual dating and have had some “this feels like a movie” experiences. Guys bringing me flowers, the date that we crashed a wedding and fed each other cake.

But that is not love. Love was my mom caring for my dad up until he died. Love is putting your life on hold for your partner. Love is actually a really hard thing.

But that is not love. Love was my mom caring for my dad up until he died. Love is putting your life on hold for your partner. Love is actually a really hard thing.

This. This is the first time I’ve seen this mentioned on the site and it’s so true.

To me:
Low Quality= a woman who needs someone to support her financially, constant drama, unhealthy, no real trajectory in life OR a man who is unhealthy, financially stressed, anger, no goals, passive hobbies.

High quality are self sufficient men and women who are healthy/lead healthy lifestyles, have independent goals, healthy relationships.

You can be low income and high quality. But what it comes down to is high quality people don’t need a relationship, while low quality needs someone to care for them. A low quality person is a liability to a high quality person. I’ve known men who were high income but low quality because they were stressed out about money constantly because they had toys and an expensive lifestyle. I’ve known men with low incomes who I considered high quality because they lived within their means and didn’t need assistance and/or “things” to give them confidence.

Love this thread. So many good points. Especially from you anon. Thank you for your contribution to this site. Gawd — doesn’t feel good to be a high quality woman? I’ve worked so hard the last couple of years on making my own happiness. There’s no peace like it. Men are just extra.

@Anonymous, of course it’s all women’s fault, says the low quality male…