Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Why can't guys be straight up honest?
- This topic has 35 replies and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by
Newbie.
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Jenny
Yeah, but it’s courtesy when the situation is a courteous one… Yes, people who have TRULY proper class & etiquette would still directly say they’re not interested. But in a situation where a guy acts like a complete pig, getting trashed, looking at other girls, going on a condom run *just trying to equate the situation w tables turned. EVEN if he apologized, you’d be less likely to be responsive and you’d assume he’d realize it was due to improper behavior. Yes, I myself try to show class and manners regardless but f*ck no would I take etiquette advice from someone who’s SHOWN to have no etiquette themselves… That’s a joke!
redcurleysue
Hi,
So he did not go for the down to earth style….lol. Well, everyone has different tastes.
I am wondering what are your expectations for the conclusion of a first date? If a man is interested how long until he contacts you for date 2? If he is not interested what would be the appropriate course of action?
Should he call you and say, “I just called to tell you I do not want to date again.” Should he text you and say, “I know we only went on one date but I have been thinking of my ex and I think I will try and get back with her…just thought I would let you know.”
Or should he wait until you contact him and then tell you?
What are the rules so that I understand what would be good in your eyes….
Rose
Thanks Khadija :)
Yes, we should also take it as it is and just move on, but still. If a girl contacts a dude after a first date he could say something, not just ignore her. That’s incredibly rude. Me, I don’t bother asking anymore. If they don’t contact me I assume there was no spark or he got abducted by aliens in polka dot pajamas.
And yes Jenny, if a guy is disrespectful and a pig I’ll let him have it by either not replying or telling him as it is, that his behavior was not what I was expecting and he can go find someone else.
Women don’t usually act like pigs so i’d expect a dude answering a simple question.
CC
@Mistral, Please stop calling me Prima Donna? It’s not helpful or nice, even though I may have acted like one. You could’ve just told me that I may have expected too much -.-. @Jenny, is it too much to just write a simple text saying “I don’t think we should be contacting or seeing each other anymore.”? A clear text that doesn’t take more than a minute to write. Anyway, I got the message now. A lesson learnt the hard way.
talllady
Mistral, what you say is the most ignorant thing I’ve ever heard. women being equal in the workplace have nothing to do with dating and it doesn’t make anybody a primadonna please.women should have equality in the workplace so they can make as much money as men and be able to take care of themselves. That does not make them prima donnas. what an outrageous thing to say. I feel curious about where you live because I’ve been in places where women don’t have a quality and its not great. that does not mean it does not create issues and dating but let’s not confuse the two issues.
it frustrates me to no end when young women undermine the hard work and severe challenges that women used to face without any gratitude for the outcome and privledges they have provided for you as a woman today and your ability to take care of yourself. Without them we would be back in the thirties and that is not a place I care to be in terms of how I take care of myself.
Jenny
No CC, your bottom line is correct that he should have at the very minimum responded ‘I’m sorry I just don’t see us working out’… But ask yourself, is it too hard to stay sober on a first date?? Or to excuse yourself due to “girl stuff” when you started and needed to go buy tampons?? Or to just go home if your feet were hurting from all the walking?? All I’m saying is that when you spit in someone’s face, 95% of people are going to hit you or walk away… When I spit in someone’s face, I’m 100% ready to take a hit and am fully aware at the possibilty they’ll write me off. What I DON’T do is call them an a*shole for having a completely normal human reaction to MY initial action. I’m sorry if I’m being harsh and in regards to learning, I guess you’re talking about your initial behavior rather than the comprehension of how your behavior could affect other’s behavior…? *since you still find it hard to conceive why he might do that. But all is good, what’s done is done. No judgement, I’ve made some classy mistakes myself. Lol. It’s all just a learning process for future reference :)
Jenny
And Rose, guys have standards too. Maybe he was as equally repulsed by her *sorry CC* as we would be by a man we think is a “pig”… If I can push the boundary yeah, maybe I can’t help but have SOME double standards, but for the most part I try to be fair. You get what you give.
Jenny
I had an ex who hated my drinking habits because he said I lost control and would be inconsiderate at times… My friends ALL said he was a jerk who thought he was more “mature” than all of us, that he should accept me for who I am, that he was trying to change me or control me. Travis, the guy I was seeing prior to him had gotten me 4 tickets to a show *birthday gift* and set-up a car service for my friends and I but the concert was 3 months in the future so I was with my new guy by the time I went… Travis had called during the show *we stayed friends after our split, I wasn’t driving so got pretty throwed, I call my new guy after thinking I’m returning Travis’ call, tell him the show was great, blah blah blah, then call him Travis… Long story short, he wasn’t a jerk, he was correct that my drinking was becoming out of control. I was the jerk. He had standards and dignity so he left me, and had every right to. I thought he was being dramatic bc I knew my intentions weren’t bad but if the tables had been turned I would’ve flipped the f*ck out so I couldn’t penalize him. Accept accountability and face the consequences
CC
I didn’t say I was drunk. Just tipsy (I didn’t say/do weird stuff, I just couldn’t walk in a straight line and I even told him that I didn’t want to drink more!), and well how is it my fault when he comes with me to a drug store? I even told him that he didn’t have to. But yes, I get your point. Some of the things I did and said were clearly out of line. I still don’t like the fact that he had to act in such a cowardly way but I moved on.
Jenny
That’s good to hear :) I’m honestly not trying to be mean or anything. Prior to the above referenced scenario I NEVER held myself accountable. I did whatever I wanted and if a guy didn’t like it, I could care less if he stayed or left. Because Travis had a driver, one night I literally drank SO much I threw up in his bed and he had to buy a new comforter, it was SO gross. But at the time, I didn’t care, I was embarrassed and apologized but if he would’ve left me I felt like I wouldn’t have been bothered *but he didn’t. Maybe it was the combination of a lack of maturity on my part and the fact that through all my bad behavior my guys still stuck around but when the one I mentioned above DIDN’T… It was a HUGE reality check as far as how my actions affected others. Maybe I liked him more, maybe he just made me face the consequences in a way I wasn’t used to but I’m now MUCH more conscious of my behavior. And if I care anything about the other person, I’m def more considerate in my actions
Newbie
Hi cc,
I’m not so sure the date was so bad, but i think it was two other things. You invited yourself to the date amd afterwards you started to call him a coward. I think both those things don’t work very well. -
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