Why did he act so into me then suddenly fade? please help

How was the sex?

If the sexual connection isn’t AMAZING, a person has every right to move on, no matter how much interest they’ve expressed or how much of an emotional connection you’ve had.

I know it sounds harsh but I think the MAIN reason guys leave after sex is that the sex just wasn’t that great. Or it was great but not totally amazing in a way that they’d never experienced before. And I think that’s a totally legitimate thing to do.

Even though I have HATED it when it happened to me, especially before I had the sexual confidence or knowledge to know HOW to create a fantastic sexual experience with someone, because it felt like sex was something I had no control over, or something. But now…..if a guy isn’t feeling the sex, I would MUCH rather him walk away than sort of lamely fake his way through it. Honestly at this point I’m much more likely to walk away first but still….there’s no way I would want to be with someone where the sex wasn’t truly fantastic, no matter how emotionally connected I felt with someone. And I think most guys are the same way.

My best advice is to get to know yourself sexually, develop your sexual confidence, passion, knowledge, and freedom so that you can CREATE the best possible sexual connection with whoever you want …. you can’t control chemistry, but you can do a LOT to get rid of everything (anxiety, fear, self-consciousness, etc) that so radically gets in the way of it.

Kasey…..I think that is totally your call :-)

If you enjoy it, go for it. If the situation makes you unhappy…..not worth it!

Prior to sex, I think it’s VERY difficult to sort out what is an emotional connection with someone and what is just…. sexual tension. And anticipation. I’ve had many situations where I thought I was totally in love with and connected with a guy and then we had sex and it was just so-so…..and suddenly he was no longer so wonderful and fascinating but just an ordinary guy.

I am also VERY open and positive and complimentary with guys when I first meet them and when we’re still getting to know each other. Why? To get into their pants? :-) Well, not just that…..it’s because I want to bring my most positive and hopeful self to the situation in order to see what is possible. I don’t wait to see HOW much I like someone before being enthusiastic about being with them…..I bring my positivity and enthusiasm to see if there’s a possibility of a connection at all. BUT I know this can be totally misinterpreted as deep and lasting interest ,…. I used to mistake it for that too and get totally burned when it didn’t last…..but I really think that’s not leading people on, it’s just doing your best to connect with them and being real about it if it’s not ultimately the right fit.

Kasey, I totally agree.

There are lots of reasons why someone might not want to pursue a relationship. Some are about the connection, some are about where someone is at in their life, some are just too mysterious to ever know!

Just to me, the fear of being used for sex suggests a mentality that is completely counterproductive to actually having great sex. If someone says (as is sooooo common) “he was so amazing and interested until we had sex….” and then say nothing to about the sex itself…..and go on to wonder why he disappeared…..and assume he was “obviously just trying to get in my pants” and develop a really suspicious and unhealthy attitude toward men because of that…..I don’t think that leads anywhere good.

Lisa, I obviously don’t know your situation so trust your own judgment about the depth and reality of the connection, sexual, emotional, spiritual, and otherwise.

I just wanted to point out that SOMETIMES when a guy disappears after sex, it’s because he really like you a lot as a person but the sexual connection was just not there. Often guys have higher standards for sexual connections, and women have higher standards for the emotional connection of a relationship, and this can end up with people wanting different things. But still, I think it’s much healthier to see sex as a way of exploring a connection and not just assume that just because a guy moves on (and usually there is NO completely kind or acceptable way to do this without hurting someone’s feelings) that he was just using you for sex. That’s a VERY destructive attitude to have toward men and toward your own sexuality in general. Sex is for YOU. It’s not something that anybody can “use” you for unless you willfully have sex with someone in the expectation of getting something (like emotional connection or commitment or a continued relationship in return.)

If the sex was great and he disappears, just enjoy the fact that you had a wonderful time and let it go. If he comes back in six months, great. But I wouldn’t sit around waiting for him. Life is too short and there are too many wonderful people out there capable of sharing great sex and great connections with you to sit around torturing yourself over one that, for whatever reason, just isn’t happening right now.

You deserve great sex and great connections. I would make THAT your focus for now. Create what you want instead of worrying about what might have been. In my experience, it’s the only way to truly live – and love.

Hope that helps
Xoxo

Absolutely. Or, mirror those guys and learn to enjoy sex for it’s own sake. Because this will do wonders for the sexual connection you’re able to form in the context of deep and caring emotional relationships.

Lisa, how are you doing???