Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Why did he ghost me?
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Jay.
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Sarah
So I met this guy back at uni and we hit we it off from the the first time we met. After meeting each other for the first time he would consistently text me almost everyday and was always bringing up meeting up again and again. We saw eachother for about 2 months and I haven’t felt a connection with a guy like this for a while. We would talk for hours and always cuddle. I honestly haven’t met a guy that I got on with like this in such a long time, conversations between us just flowed and I felt so comfortable with him despite not knowing him for long.
So at the last week of uni he texted me on a Monday and asked if I wanted to meet up tonight and/or Wednesday. I agree to meet up with on that Monday and it was really good and told me “see you soon” when I left. I then texted him on Wednesday (this was his last day at uni) quite late asking him how he was and he replied in the morning that ‘he drank too much and I got really sick’ to which I replied “aww I hope you feel better soon”.
He left this message on delivered on Snapchat for weeks which was really unlike him and I think he finally opened it a week ago. I haven’t sent him one message since then and he obviously hasn’t texted me either.
I understand that this situation with covid 19 is terrible and we probably wouldn’t be able to see eachother for many months until uni started again but I don’t understand why he is completely avoiding me. Even if he didn’t want to date me anyore or having anything serious I thought he would have sent me message one message here and there. I posted a few hot Instagram pictures since then and he hasn’t even like them, it’s like he is trying to pretend I don’t exist. And I haven’t even done anything wrong, haven’t acted clingy and I haven’t even sent him one message since we left. The only thing he does is look at my stories.
And we actually did not even sleep together, we did other things but yeah we didn’t do that. I know that in the last two weeks he mentioned that his ex unblocked him so it’s either that or I don’t know what other reason.
I would love if you guys could give me some peace of mind, I’m trying to move on but it’s difficult when things were so good and it turned into this. And I can’t ask him why he ghosted me cause that’s just too weird. I don’t know why I’m even missing him, we didn’t date for long. And also do you think it’s possible he could message me in the future?
Raven
Do you really want to hear from this guy again?!
cc
You dont want to be with this man, he lost interest. Thats why he ghosted you.
Anon 2
He’s not over his ex
Phoebe
It sucks when a guy suddenly loses interest. It’s almost like a feeling of disbelief… Why would he do that? But he did. You have to learn to accept it. It’s a sh888y feeling for sure but this happens so often these days. People are incredibly fickle. It doesn’t matter if you act clingy or if you act like a boss… A guy who isn’t interested isn’t interested. You have no control over the situation. You can’t force someone to like you, sadly. It’s a hard lesson to learn but once you learn it a lot of the suffering goes away. Some people will tell you it’s not personal – I mean, maybe it isn’t, maybe it is. Doesn’t matter either way. Once you know you can’t control something it’s best to learn to let it go.
Lane
This is what *infatuation* looks and feels like. It’s common for a guy to do what he did and then bounces the moment he starts feeling like its getting too serious.
My youngest son is 28 and he has never fallen in love. He too starts off like, like a romantic train and then out of the blue he has no desire to continue. Just know it has nothing to do with the ladies, as he thinks they are great—it has everything to do with HIM, his feelings and how his mind drifts off too a different place the moment it starts getting too real.
My eldest son on the other hand met this lady at a dog park and never lost his feelings for her, they are now married.
In the future you need to try super hard not to fall into the infatuation hole in the early stages of dating. Just know, 9 times out of 10 it will end just as quickly as it started within the first to third month where they will start to withdraw, often with excuses like the guy gave you, which is the first sign that his feelings have begun to wane and whether you reach out or not won’t change them once they have. Until you make it past the six month mark and your still going strong, only then can you relax a bit lol.
kaye
We are never going to be able to tell you why a guy ghosted. Sometimes they don’t even know. It’s just like they wake up one morning and realize they don’t feel as strongly about you as you do abut them. In your case it does seem pretty likely his ex is back in the picture. And usually when a college guy is seeing you for 2 months but NOT having sex with you there is an underlying reason. There are guys who will immediately start sleeping with other women to get over an ex and guys who are still hung up on her and feel like they’re “cheating” on her to be sleeping with another woman. Or they’re a decent guy and don’t want to use you and lead you on if their heart isn’t in it.
How long ago did they break up? Also were you two actually dating or just hanging out? If a guy isn’t taking you on dates and trying to do special things for you and it’s mainly just hanging out as his place or your place eating in and cuddling I don’t consider that formal dating. A guy who wants to win you over and have you fall for him is going to make an effort by taking you out, buying you dinner, taking you to the movies, a concert and usually even buying you flowers. Were you seeing each other on Valentine’s day? And if so what did he do for you?
Sarah
I did not think it was a big deal when he brought up his ex because I brought up mine sometimes as well but I have absolutely no feelings for him. I think they broke up over a year ago so it has been a while. And it was pretty unusual that he did not pressure me to have sex with him because most guys do but he did bring it up more towards the end so he definitely did want to do it with me.
And it was definitely more like hanging out than actual dating but it was just so convenient for us to hang out because we liiterally lived 2 minutes from each other. Also both of us were not in actual position to start dating properly at that point even if he wanted to because we are students and don’t have much money or time to go on actual dates. He would buy food for me but that’s really it.
We didn’t know each other for that long when it was Valentine’s Day but he did message me that day and actually was not at university but went home for that day.
I’m thinking the ex may be back in the picture but I don’t see her following him on Instagram yet.
It was strange because he did mention seeing me again after the Easter holidays the last time I saw him (this was a few days before university ended) but we can’t do that anymore with this covid 19 situation so I guess he feels there is no point in continuing to have contact with me.mell
It sucks when people ghost, but it happens to us all.
@Lane is right, sometimes guys get really involved quickly then freak out. A friend of mine has a habit of falling for these guys and it’s always the same – intense early dates, often promises of exclusivity in weeks, and then poof! the guy backtracks when he realises he’s walked into more seriousness than he expected.
It’s not your fault. It can help to take things slowly, so that neither person feels rushed. Though it doesn’t sound like you were moving very fast, so I suspect it may have something to do with him not being over his ex. But that’s not something you can help, either.
Jay
It’s normal! We can’t exactly know the reason, because we’re not him.
Don’t think too much, just leave it at that!
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