Why didn't he get me anything for our 1 year anniversary

I had the same thing happen with my boyfriend. We had been living together for nearly a year when xmas came and went and I did not receive a card…..I did not care about not getting a present, but I would have really loved to get a card. I bought him a beautiful card and I wrote lovely words in it because I adore him. Anyway, February 12th came which is my birthday…..again, no prezzie and no card……2 days later, Valentines day…….again no prezzie and no card. I got him a lovely Valentines card AND a present. I was deeply upset……I think that the occasion that hurt me the most was my birthday……he didn’t even remember it was my birthday until I reminded him even though I had been dropping hints all week……then I figured that maybe he is just one of those guys who is not really in to cards and flowers and chocolates and all that mushy kind of stuff…..AND THEN……I decided to ask him straight out if he ever bought his ex cards and presents, and he said yes, he did! I was crushed….I was SOOOOOOOO deeply upset and boy, did I let him know it! I went crazy and told him that NO WAY was he going to treat me as the ‘poor relation’ when his ex was treated like a damned queen! I walked out on him. He was absolutely devastated. I went back to him and he now knows that I am not prepared to be treated with less love and respect than his ex received from him and that if he wants a doormat that he can take for granted then he can go and find one. Suffice to say, he has changed completely and now I am given acknowledgement on those special occasions. My advice is to not allow yourself to be degraded…..if he treated his ex like a princess, then he should damn well treat you the same!

WOW WOW WOW
I’m so glad I came to this post. Tomorrow will be a year for me and my bf and its also my birthday so that’s a double joy. I like to think of him as my birthday gift.

He’s the one been reminding me since October that our special day is coming up and he wants us to reinact the day we met by going to the same restaurant and he’ll ask me to sit beside him. I know his work schedule is crazy and this week my mom is in town so am not sure we’ll be able to do what he suggest. But I do applaud and love him for making the suggestion.
I’m thinking we may have to do it another time or later in the night than we intended.

However I am glad to read this post b/c I don’t know yet how he celebrates these types of things. His b’day came in March and he went to a girlie bar w his friends then fishing the next day. I wasn’t part of his plans and it was me who wanted to spend the day with him. It didn’t seem to matter tho and he did what he wanted to do.
So while I would like a nice ‘recognition’ I also know everyday that he loves me, he’s thinking about me and he’s glad to be in my life.

I want that to matter more than the gift, cards, etc. because after all its just material. “TIME” cannot be bought.

It’s fucked up he didn’t get you a card and he got his ex gf one. Maybe you need to tell him these things are important to you. Because it sounds like he didn’t try at all. If you truly love someone you wouldn’t act that way towards them. If you truly cared for someone wouldn’t you want to treat them like royalty or at least buy them a card to show how important they are to you?

he did nothing on our first anniversary yes he great me like this “advance anniversary love” he great me before the day of our anniversary. but the exact date he did not call me or message me. wtf.

I wish I could talk to you right now I’m in the same exact situation now. I’m just curious how far you’ve came since writing this..

No, men aren’t good at these things, however, that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t actively try to remember them. I make sure we’ll in advance that he knows an anniversary is coming up and remind him in a non baggy way. Simply saying “I can’t believe in a week today or on the 1st we will have been together a year. I love anniversaries, what would you like to do or what would you like.. or I could surprise you”. Now..I know he most likely won’t give me a card or a present but I guarantee he will kiss me cuddle me and let me know how beautiful and fearful he is that he has me and I’ll do the same back. However we are both on the same page and most days he does that regardless of anniversaries. If he wakes up and remembers it’s our anniversary and gives me time with him as a couple that is enough. He was in a tight spot and I was the one providing for the majority of our relationship. Yes it’s frustrating, yes it’s hard to give so much without anything in return. If you are giving to be mad that you didn’t receive than you are giving for the wrong reasons. To nag and harass him about what he used to give or not give his ex is a no no. If someone said that to me I’d probably call them ungreatful and needy. It’s none of your business. You said he bought you clothing the other day before your anniversary, why are you not fearful for this? You don’t sound it. He could have just said that was your present, or you could have made the adult decision and not let one stupid thing let you down, tell him you are grateful for your clothing and are happy that you have that to remind you of him and your happy he spoke to you so nicely even if it upsets you. Relationships aren’t about changing people, it’s about growing individually and as a couple and knowing when to pick your battles. Listen, communication and nagging are two different ball games. Some times you need to sit down and have a conversation to see where each others heads are. I know if someone nagged at me or purposefully said something to irritate me or try to make me do something for long enough I’d leave, so give him a reason to stay and stop expecting unrealistic things. Be grateful that he can talk to you and show you he loves you. If he wants to spend 100% of his earnings on his own stuff while you give him presents that’s his money, his business. Your money your business, stop giving presents if the expectations are too high in receiving something. You don’t have to give him anything vice versa. Now if he’s being degrading or abusive or unthoughtful to the point it’s causing you to be clingy, needy and insecure, don’t be with him. If you truly love him and he truly loves you than you must communicate better and learn to compromise. You aren’t married, so you really have no right to question what he spends his wages on although I know roughly where my Mans money goes but we live together and we share the majority of our money with each other. When one of us doesn’t have money the other will compensate and it goes back and forth, it works for us, may not do others. I’d be more than happy to get a good day with my man a kiss and a cuddle and relax upfront of YouTube than a gift. Just think, he works hours of his life for money, if he buys you McDonald’s that’s like an hours work, he’s worked an hour to feed your face, not his. Appreciate that and show it, don’t always rely on him. If you are looking to change him and don’t want to accept him, communicate or compromise with him, leave now or you will end up resenting each other. Relationship is about team work and if you can’t accept the better or for worse before marriage you sure as hell shouldn’t be wearing the dress. Relationships are beautiful but they are hard work at times, from beginning to end, you both have to grow and learn new things and changing to better yourselves not because you want to be someone ideal expectation of a partner. You are you. Tell him you’re sorry for bringing up the card but you thought he would put some effort in as it meant so much to you, apologize that maybe your expectations were higher than his were and tell him that the little things like that matter to you and you appreciate what he has done and would really be grateful if in the future he put more effort into your anniversary and if he doesn’t want to buy you things or don’t have money, make sure you let him know that it’s not all about material. Spending the day outside or a picnic or going to a park or a spot you like means just as much or more than an item. He may not want to do those things but I’m sure he likes seeing you happy, maybe he just doesn’t know how.. tell someone they are stupid enough, they will start believing it. Tell someone they are ungrateful or always nag them and they will get depressed, angry or just leave. Pick your fights cause if it ain’t worth leaving him for it isn’t worth an argument that could be the last straw for him leaving you. He needs reasons to stay, just as you do.

Hi Teena,

i am reading your comments on this post and I must say i am in an extremely similar situation to you.

Wondering how the backing off went? are you guys still together?

We celebrated our two year anniversary this week and i feel he didnt do enough and i made a really nice date night and got him really awesome gifts.

He is lazy around the house and i find myself doing everything.

The thing that struck me today is i always make work lunches and now im working saturdays and we wont even get out of bed and help with food.

fights are becoming more and more and more and something feels off.

Nicole
x

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