Why Do Break Ups Hit Guys Later On?

This is very true. I think that it also depends on who breaks up. If the woman breaks up, she has already gone through a lot of thinking, processing emotions and closing the relationship in herself by the time she decided to end it and it usually means that she is done regardless of the suffering afterwards.

It is a different story if the guy breaks up. Then the woman starts grieving once the breakup happens and the guy tends to avoid thinking about it regardless of who broke up.

Women tend to feel immense attachment right after the relationship which wanes after a while. I am sure this has to do with hormones as well but there must be other reasons.

For some reason men need time for things to sink in and to think over and process things. Yes I agree with the above quite a bit that there is avoidance on their part.

That said I am sure we cannot understand all the reasons and we women cannot fully understand how men think and feel. Perhaps a man could offer a perspective on this, why it happens because it is definitely true.

Every situation is unique. I am not sure why you two have broken up several times. If the reasons were such that can be changed and he wants to seriously work on them, there could be another chance, otherwise not.

In general my advice to you would be that even though many times even when we break it off for very valid reasons, we immensely suffer, you do not want a relationship which you continue to break constantly. That is not a good relationship. In a good relationship even if not everything is always effortless and you have to work on issues, the relationship goes on because both parties are seriously committed after a while and consider the other person as an important part of their lives.

Very interesting thread and I am curious of what answers we will get.

I will try to give a guys perspectives on this, and being a guy who is going through a horrible break up (I was dumped) maybe I can share light on some of the emotions but.. each guy is different, same way each woman is, usually shaped by past experiences or just the type of person we are, some are a wide open book (raises hand) others a closed one, I have a lot of male friends who are one or the other. For me, it hit me right away, and still does. I felt every emotion, I talked to friends about it as I had to talk or it would drive me crazy! I have a close friend who was dumped last year by his gf of 4 years and he literally did not say a word! Weeks went by, I hung out with him, we went out, I did what a friend does I was just there, yet he said little about it. After 2 months randomly sitting watching a game one night he spoke about it, from nowhere. He said he missed her, he messed up.. what should he do? It was like that day for whatever reason it hit him and hard. Some guys will act cool after it and go out and “enjoy life” all the while the thoughts are never far from your head, I mean if he had any feelings for you at all, believe me he has thought about you a lot. He may have gone through the stage of wondering if he should care or want it, maybe see what is out there, tried it and thought “she was pretty damn special what am I doing looking for something I had?” see unless a girl cheats on a guy I do believe there is always that room for it to be rekindled again. And this is not to give you false hope, whether you want it or not only you can decide that one, but just to show you how our brain works, we are not all that complicated really, just some do not know how to show or express feelings but we have them, believe me we do.

You know I would be very wary when a guy lets you break up or breaks up with him and then comes back around. To be blunt he is maybe not returning for the right reasons. It could be he misses sex, needs an ego stroke, has tried dating others but cant be bothered with the hassle of getting to know someone new or is plain bored and he is returning simply to have these selfish needs satisfied. Mr right does not break up with you and he does not just let you go. If the reasons for breaking up remain the same throughout the different break ups then it just means the 2 of you want different things or have different needs or expectations from a relationship. Guys do not generally change that much and if there is issues in the relationship then its pretty safe to expect them to reappear again. If I was you I would think long and hard as to what the issues in the relationship are and if its something you can live with long term. Some guys just cant handle the emotional needs of another person and that’s why they are so difficult to be in a relationship with. Have you looked into emotional unavailability ? This could be the problem and it really doesn’t get better. Try your best to move on and live life to the full and date others and in time you may find that theres better options for you and it wont matter if he comes back or not. If he does come back you need to seriously evaluate it all before you agree to going back with him. Always look at a mans actions and don’t listen to his words. Talk is cheap and easy but actions are at the heart of the guy and the relationship. x

Blake to get better feedback go to “forums” at the top of the page and post your own thread. People don’t like answering under old threads.

Men need time to process information, unfortunately there is no time or space for this process while in a relationship with a woman. So men need to distance themselves from the relationship to sift through the rubble of the last fight or disagreement, he must find out why it happened and how to fix it or not and he does this in silence and in solitude first. It’s a self protection mechanism that is hard wired into men, if women would only back the pressure off men to preform financially and start pulling their own weight be purchasing their own dreams, men would stick around, possibly.

P.S Men are going MGTOW in record numbers as relationships with women no longer are safe, legally as well as emotionally and psychologically smothering.

LoL thanks SG it was my first time trying this, I didn’t know it was woman’s only site and I did get dog-piled at another site a few minutes ago as I gave advice to a woman that I gave my daughter that she was grateful for years later unfortunately the sisterhood thought that my advice was wrong an out dated

My apology to all the woman in the “Ladies Room”, I must have misread the sign on the door

Have a good life ladies hope you don’t call the cops on me lol

Another Man Out
Ken

So I have a similar issue going on and would really appreciate some feedback. I was with a guy for only over a year, but the whole year was fantastic! We barely had any arguments and only faced 2 big problems that made us stronger. One day we were both out to dinner and he was saying that we are the strongest that we have ever been. The next day he goes to the bar with a buddy after work and then comes back to tell me that he no longer wants to move in with me in the future and that he wanted to move in with his buddy. This caused for a huge discussion that left us both wondering and concerned. A few days later he said that if he moves in with his friend who is about to be single then he would want to be single as well. I was really thrown by all of this and asked him to think about it all more. A week later he said that he wanted to be done because he “doesn’t see a future”. He “loves me, but it isn’t there anymore.” Meanwhile, a few weeks prior was our year anniversary AND he was saying how he wanted to elope because he is “crazy about me.” We have had the discussion about marriage and kids and we both seemed like this is what we wanted. Now he isn’t sure if he sees a future and I am heartbroken to think that someone could be serious about eloping one week and then it see a future the next. Now we are broken up and he is just being distant and stuffing all of his feelings down while I sit and wonder what even went wrong.

It seems to me that your guy has no back bone. His buddy has influenced him and he changed his mind about you in an instant.

Do you want a man like that? Who can drop you on a whim? Can you trust a man like that? Especially if you are thinking future.

If he did it once, he’d do it again. Guaranteed.

I think this is YOU who needs to “change her mind” now and end things. Let him work hard to try and get you back.

Hi,
I was in a relationship with an amazing guy for 4 years who I met through a dating site. We both fell in love and hit it off extremely well. After 6 months I got engaged which was a dream come true. I moved in with him and left my job at the same time. He had two teenager sons from his previous marriage who lived and stayed with us the one week and the other week with their mother. At the time I did not realise how difficult and emotionally damaged they were. Their bad behaviour started showing and effecting our relationship, and our happy life together started to fade away slowly. The issues became bigger and bigger with them and they got into trouble with drinking, drugs and smoking. The one child was expelled from his school and also showed aggressive behaviour towards his mother. He ended up twice in a clinic for treatment of aggressions and depressions. My ex just could not see the light of what was happening and would not stand up when they would hurt me emotionally, insult or disrespect me. Not only that but the ex wife was putting petrol on the fire and turned the kids against me/us too. Of course we ended up fighting because being a mother myself with two grown-up boys of my own, I could see how it effected them and seen helplessly what was happening to us. We simply started drifting apart and my hands were tied up. It got so bad that I had no option then to walk away, out of his life and our home two weeks ago and to set him free. I just could not do it emotionally anymore, so I moved not only town but back to my home country while he was away on holiday with his boys. The sad thing is we both love and miss each-other and If the kids would have not been in our life we would still be together. When we were alone with out them, we had the most amazing times at home and away. We travelled intensively, spend special times and had wonderful mutual friends who we really enjoyed. We still had daily communications until a few days ago where he expressed how much he missed me, wanted to be with me, was looking for a future together and wanted us to be forever. He let the kids and all the outside issues come between us and allow all it happened. Now he is hurt, angry and cut all the connection the reason for leaving him. His last message I received was saying that he had time to think and come to the conclusion that he needs some time and space away from me and that too many things happened. He also says that he needs to find inner peace and happiness and that I should respect his decision. I replied back to him saying that I love and care deeply about him and agree that we both need some space and time apart. I also told him that he needs to sort our his and his kids issues to find the peace, happiness and a balance in life he is looking for. I am also heartbroken, angry, hurt and devastated that it had come to this end. I have heard from friend that he is now dedicating more time to his mountain biking, a new work and has also cut himself from his/our mutual friends. Now I am sitting on the other side of the continent and wondering what it could have been, if the situation with his kids and home environment would have been different. I guess, now I will never know.

Hello, I’m going through a breakup as well I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for almost 3 year.. the problem is he got emotionally attached to someone else telling them about our relationship problems in such a way he ended up seeing her as potential girlfriend and we fought about this.. things got back a bit normal but i started seeing signs of change… him becoming distant.. for some reason this lady whom we both work with he got emotionally attached too asked to talk to me and told me how she is sorry for allowing him to vent about our relationship to her and she tried telling him that he needs to stop but seemingly my boyfriend told her he is doesn’t want their relationship to end as friends just because of me cause they were friends way before our relationship yet i begged him to stop it cause it makes me feel uncomfortable so i decided to end because i now know where i stand with him and now he is apologizing but I’ve heard this before and it hurts so much that he was with me physically but emotionally with someone else