why do guys show interest then make excuses when it comes to actually meeting?

The reasons could be different in every case. But the real one is they are not that in to the girl. Maybe they’re talking to another woman and chose her instead, maybe they realized they’re not compatible, maybe they’re depressed (that’s a lame excuse I got from a dude once) maybe they’re married and got caught trying to cheat, maybe they actually have a gf and were just trying their luck.I wouldn’t bother asking them why or trying to asked them out. Better to find a guy that is dying to take you out.

hi. Yes I had a ton of this with online dating to the extent I packed it in completely. My conclusions are the guys are either attached and have no intentions but like to know they still have it and could get a girl or another girl if they really wanted to do so. Ego thing. Or they just came out a relationship and when push comes to shove they arent ready. Some guys are douches and just want a fwb but if you push for more they know they are barking up the wrong tree so just keep u dangling just in case u will accept their crappy breadcrumbs. Other guys are genuinely a bit shy, quiet and know they are great with text / email chat but social retards in the flesh and oh I could go on. lol. U get the drift. If someone flakes a couple of times then absolutely move on and find someone with something real to offer lol. x

To answer your original question

INTEREST DOES NOT EQUAL A PROMISE. Best to learn to love this and understand it….

As men who are too busy and reschedule – One strike and they are out. Be nice the first time, then the second time, this is solved easily with the following sentence:
“Finding time seems to be difficult right now and that is important when getting to know someone. How about we reconnect when that gets easier?”

This is a genius sentence because it sets the expectation of what you want nicely, it let’s them go away as come back when they know they can deliver…. I had a situation with a lawyer some months ago who was pulling this crap and I let it go on too long.

Hi Karen,

I think putting on their shoes may be helpful. If you told a guy you wanted to meet and you kept cancelling what might be going through your mind?

The answer is lots of stuff but that does not make you a good candidate to meet up with.

Drop these guys.

Thanks for the replies. I decided to just come off these dating sites, the only reason I went on it is because now days, guys rarely approach women the old fashioned way. its hard meeting people in person in these modern times! A lot of men are scared of up front rejection. and friends and family are too scared to get involved in matchmaking. The recent guy I was chatting added me on fb so I saw loads of pics with him and his fam etc(so it cant be ‘catfish’) lol.

To Lane, I find it insulting for one to assume we are desperate and being ”wrapped up”. Its not about that, I was curious to hear the opinions of others about these types of guys that appear to be interested. This should be a forum to encourage and advice one another. meeting people back in the day, during your time was very much different. you cant compare and then criticize. giving online dating a chance and attempting to see if you can meet anyone genuine (after finding out that some people actually met their marriage partners online), does not mean a person is desperate for attention or are ‘latching’ up to every guy we chat too.

yes its a lot easier in person but as I said, things have changed. I used to always meet men in person but I noticed guys don’t come up like they used too and I haven’t changed in looks. Im not a runaway model but people do say I am quite attractive and some of my girlfriends who are gorgeous also are experiencing this problem with men shying away in person. anyways at least I can say I gave online dating a try and it never work for me. I will just have to get back out there, “que sera sera”

Hi Karen,

I have met some really nice, intellectual men from dating sites so I see nothing wrong with it. I even met a cop who totally broke my heart after a couple of months but whatever… I’ve moved on.

I am currently seeing someone tonight that I also met on-line and this will be our 4th date :-)

I also find it very difficult to meet men “the old fashioned” way, whatever the hell that means. Since I work from 9-5 and have two kids I usually don’t get out much. So I would encourage you not to give up on on-line dating.

I’m sorry about what Lane said, that was totally uncalled for :-(

Lane, I think that you are misinterpreting my definition of ‘trend’. I was also speaking in general and on behalf of many women who complained about online men. I also mentioned that I did end up cutting them off. and if you read my further posts, I am now offline, like you I decided it was not adding any value. I do value and appreciate constructive criticism but unfortunately I received sarcasm and just harsh criticism instead.

anyways, thanks to all the other sweet ladies for taking the time to reply and offering your valuable advice!

love Karen from sunny South Africa ;-)

Lots of guys know that they are more handsome, intelligent, confident, witty and thoughtful online than they are in person. So a real life meet is only going to reveal them for who they really are and cause disappointment for the woman. Hence the excuses and bail out. Add cold feet, really married, time wasting etc to the list too of course.

Personally I would get a phone call into the communication mix because it reveals so much about a person even ahead of a face to face meet.

Good luck,

Steve

Omg! What a Great comments! Yes this is happening to me too! I work a lot have two Kids and i am online dating experiencing the problem. There are a lot of reasons for this Like mentioned before but I think they back off also because they get scared to meet a stranger who might not be the one they thought they were. Also bad experiences in the past and scared of love… I’ve had a few out of my state and also got tired of promising to visit me..never happenned! They don’t even know what they’re thinking and when the dates get closer the get cold feet…its aweful! I find it irrespectful and coward. I also believe I’m meeting in person but now im days, guys feel more lazy to spend money and hang out in a bar, restaurant or place. They want the comfort at their homes looking at the computer and getting their ego high in the stars.. I have this guy who keeps sending me pictures ( selfies) all the time !!!!! I told him omg I could make an album of your selfies with all the pictures you have send me… The guy stopped and never again…

whether people like it or not, connecting on online dating sites presently is very common and convenient. what the op said is also quite common. this easy to connect in the virtual world, has its own set of advantages and disadvantages.

what steve said made a lot of sense. you need to be careful about the information you share with the other persons online while trying to sound spontaneous, interesting and your true self. not easy. you just have to take these things in your stride and keep trying. its not that easy to meet men the old fashioned way and not possible for many due to their hectic lifestyles.

I don’t think its wrong to look for romantic interest online. that’s how things work today.. so not a big deal. just be careful and have your own set of basic rules which you stick to ensure you don’t end up wasting time with fakes and protect yourself while you edit out the fluff from the genuine.