Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Why do I feel so empty after causal sex?
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 8 years, 11 months ago by
Rose.
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Kirstin
I’ve been having casual sex as of lately to try and actually learn to enjoy it and to get over a guy that I love who doesn’t love me but honestly it’s not working, everytime I try to have sex with someone I never enjoy it in fact the first time I had sex which was recently I bleed so bad he got freaked out and left immediately after. I know having sex with people to get over someone is wrong, but if I just try to do me myself and I…. I end up being lonely and depressed. My heart is aching from meaningful sex and all this disappointment that men have been giving me lately. How do I become one of those awesome women who don’t need a man to make them happy and are okay with casual sex, also why do I feel so damn empty and sad?
Kirstin
*non meaningful sex
Leigh
Oh sweetie, sex is not the tool to make you feel good about yourself. It is actually psychologically devastating if it is not with someone you know and trust.
How long did you know these guys?
Andy
A lot of these guys don’t have an interest in your feelings. They just trying to get off, and get on with their lives. So it comes across as cold and empty. A guy who is interested in your feelings, and wants you to enjoy this time together will go about sex in an entirely different way. In the end it’s warm and fulfilling. That can create an entirely different problem if you can’t real in your emotions after the act. There’s no way to visually distinguish between these two types of men, so your best bet is to go through the normal grieving process.
redcurleysue
You are empty because you are taking in “empty”.
Nothing of substance is being consumed by you. I suggest you stop casual sex and turn to yourself for other outlets that fill you up. Friends, travel, hobbies, interests.
Leave the “man world” alone for a while….wait until you feel more yourself.
Ashley
The problem is it’s not for you (which is normal) and you are doing it for the wrong reason. It’s not the way to feel better, it makes you feel worse so you should stop doing it. I can have sex without any feelings of attachment or anything like that but I don’t like it because I get nothing out of it.
Hannah
You feel empty and sad because you’re getting over a break up. It’s natural and will pass with time. Whenever I’ve been getting over someone, I feel the same around other guys. It’s just not the same as being with the man I cared for.
I.don’t think the casual sex is helping. Look after yourself and do things you enjoy and make you feel good about yourself. It sounds like the sex is the opposite of that. A lot of women only enjoy sex in a meaningful relationship. Now you know that about yourself.
An awesome woman won’t do anything that compromises on what she needs or wants. This isn’t what you need or want.
If you want to learn how to be OK without a guy, start practising. I’d stop dating etc entirely for a while and.focus your energy on you. Do things you love, go out with friends etc. Forget about men for a while. Yes you’ll feel lonely to start with, but it’s a really good life lesson to learn to be alone at times and be OK with it. All of us are alone at some point in our lives. It helps teach us more about ourselves and also makes us more confident in relationships because we know we’ll be OK if the relationship ends.
One last thing, if you’re bleeding during sex more than just that 1 time, go see a doctor. That’s not normal and should be checked out.
Ashley P
I think you should take a break from men and join me in my 30 day man fast. I’ve been going strong for 9 days now and its amazing. I’ve been focusing on God because I know he loves me. Having a good relationship with him trumps any relationship that you can ever have with a man. I also recommend this book to you its called “Get Lost” by Dannah Gresh. It will help you get over your heartbreak. I know its easier said then done but you must try.
Teri
gotta go with what Hannah has said. and Ashley P. both great replying.
Sex is for most women an emotional connection/bond with another man. Its how we’re wired we can’t change that. But if you are not in the place to be able to be ‘casual’ you’ll always end up empty.
A year after my divorce I began online dating, and ended with 2 casual flings. I wasn’t ready for more and didn’t expect more. It was a test of sorts for me and b/c I had that mindset it didn’t leave me feeling empty. But again, that’s not for everyone. Once these encounters ended (I ended them) I was like, ok hmmmmm, now what?? I still wasn’t ready after that year to be serious so I did what Hannah suggested all along keeping my self busy with kids, work, hobbies etc. those are the areas that fullfill.
I’m still on the ‘casual’ scene but not dating anyone particularity right now b/c I think I may be almost ready for someone serious. make sense?
Also please know that loving yourself is the first step to receiving it from others.
Miss_Aspiring
Ah Kirstin, I did the same thing during college, after losing the “love of my life” (so I thought at the time). I went on a sex rampage, pretty much sleeping with every guy I saw. Though it was an ego boost for me in the moment, knowing they wanted my body, it didn’t make me feel any better about myself. Each time, it just made me feel worse. This is because I wanted a human connection, a relationship, I wanted to love and be loved … but my actions totally contradicted what I wanted. That’s why I was so miserable during that time.
Most women are not okay with casual sex. Please don’t feel like you need to be okay with it. Let yourself grieve over this loss for as long as you need, but don’t seek out men to help you grieve. That’s an internal process for you. Also, spend the time with loved ones, family and friends, to help you feel less alone.
In the future, I advise not to have sex with any guy until you know and trust him, and know he wants the same thing you want (a meaningful relationship). This is a much healthier approach and you won’t feel empty anymore. I wish you the best.
Rose
Casual sex is for people that don’t care what happens after.
You are in need of love and kindness and feel awful after because you don’t receive that.
The first thing to do is give yourself that love and kindness, nobody can fill your voids, only you can do that.
Maybe you could benefit from therapy to learn how to stop depending on other people’s affection.
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