Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Why do men say things they don’t mean
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by
Lily.
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Lily
I’ve had horrible luck with men the last couple years, I don’t know if it’s because I look for the best or hope for the best, or maybe I’m just bound for single life. This one is my fault for even letting him back in but I went out with a guy last year on a couple dates, he planned the next one but the day I texted him he went silent. Messaged me a week later saying he’d recently just gotten divorced and realized he’s not ready to date, mentally wasn’t ready. He apologized for handling it poorly. A couple months ago we reconnected and ended up going out a couple times, I thought that it went really well, he says all the right things, planed the next date. Come one night he text me on Snapchat saying he would love to see me tomorrow night. I replied but he didn’t open, I assumed he was asleep. The guy didn’t open my snap for a couple days. I don’t understand why so many men just say things and don’t follow through. If he didn’t want to hang out with me why can’t someone simply make up a lie and say sorry, something has come up I can’t hang out. I get it, it’s online dating and a different culture where no body owes anyone a reason if you aren’t officially dating and everything is so casual but Ya haha it just drives me crazy.
Ss
I feel you! It does my head in!!! I’m so bored with it now but try to remain positive and hopeful.
I’ve started to use Tall Spicy’s zero f**ks rule as a mantra – and its sticking. I’m finally starting to be able genuinely give zero f**ks whilst just talking and dating.
Its ok to feel a slight disappointment but I’m not wasting my time or lowering my mood over men any more. As far as i am concerned i know what i deserve and wishy washy a$$ hats is not what i deserve!
Ss
I feel you! It does my head in!!! I’m so bored with it now but try to remain positive and hopeful.
I’ve started to use Tall Spicy’s zero f**ks rule as a mantra – and its sticking. I’m finally starting to be able genuinely give zero f**ks whilst just talking and dating.
Its ok to feel a slight disappointment but I’m not wasting my time or lowering my mood over men any more. As far as i am concerned i know what i deserve and wishy washy a$$ hats is not what i deserve!
K
Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Someone who blanks you once will blank you again. Personally, anyone that does that to me one time is permanently off the list no matter what the reason. I’d suggest raising your standard to a similar place.
If there were years between these incidents I can see maybe giving him another chance but this was months. He told you he’s not ready because he’s too newly divorced- that doesn’t change fast.
Block and forget. There’s nothing wrong with you, don’t doubt yourself because of this. Also, don’t build up expectations when someone has already let you down.
Phoebe
As to why they do it… I think the answer is simple… He had nobody else around and was feeling lonely and remembered you two dated a couple times. So he messaged you and went on a couple of dates. Then by the time the third date came around he either a) found someone else he was more interested in or b) realised that the first time around there was a reason he didn’t want to continue with you and decided again that he didn’t want to invest too much time and effort with you. It’s happened to me so I am sympathetic… There’s probably not enough ‘spark’ or whatever you want to call it for him to want to continue. It’s bad form on his part to do it to you again, though. I would call him out on it personally but that’s just me. I think sometimes men blank because there are no consequences for them. If you make consequences then maybe the next time around they’ll think twice about doing it.
Raven
He doesn’t want to ‘hurt’ your feelings…
Lily
Ss thank you! Haha that made me smile!
K, it has been a year since I had gone out with him. I went out with him March 2019 and it was a couple months ago (feb mar 2020) we re connected. Definitely feeling like a fool me once fool me twice kinda thing for sure, but it just seemed like a year had gone by and our paths had crossed so might as well give it a shot. Lesson learned, I’d much rather be single than deal with this s**t. Just frustrating is all. Thanks for the feedback though!! It’s appreciatedK
A year and he did it again. Wow. That’s on him. He’s messed up.
But as I said, guy jerks me around once he doesn’t get another chance. Ever. I’ve learned the hard way. Not worth it. They’ve shown you who they are – your job is to believe what you see and put your best interests first.
Lily
I get he’s not interested enough or whatever that’s fine, I’d much rather a man just say he’s not interested. I don’t understand the mind set of someone who says “I’d love to see you tomorrow night” willingly and he was the one who was the one who set everything up, the dates, the conversations always the first to engage. I understand I’ll never get answers but I guess I just needed to vent. I had my guard up as I was Leary but still, it’s just a mind f lol. It’s hard when someone says and does all the right things in your time together just to ghost.
Andrea
For the ego boost of knowing they have someone dangling on a string.
Stacey
I’m interested in this too because i never understand why guys say things about building a future with you etc and then just disappear?
Not sure if the lockdown puts things in perspective or something but going from being very important to someone to not hearing from them in nearly two weeks is hurtful.
I guess actions always speak louder than words.Lily
Little update…. so he ended up replying to me on Thursday saying he was sorry but he had a couple rough days. Says he’s not doing well mentally and hasn’t been doing well and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. It’s not personal to me he just shuts down Etc etc etc….said he knows he hurt me and that he left me in the dust and how he gets it’s not ideal for me in this situation…. we talked back and forth for maybe a couple responses each and then he once again never opened my last message haha and it’s currently Sunday. I know it’s personal to me because he’s still on social media and responding to friends on Snapchat but just blatantly ignoring me. Block and delete time, I hope he finds help if he needs it if he’s really going through stuff but at this point I feel it’s a cop out to just say “I’m not into you”
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