Why do some men regret losing a woman they love

Sorry for my typo was using my phone. The girl my cousin liked ghosted him and he regretted not giving her a chance when he had the opportunity.

Men do it differently and are responsible for different things. Mostly, they do then think and girls tend to think then do…we have different motives driving us…

Women need to stay in their feminine energy and fulfill their obligations to relationships…being true to their desires…your examples were correct to walk away…can’t talk a man to death, gotta speak his language and SHOW him…then they can see the writing on the wall…

Hi Heather,

Yes maybe I’m a little naive about men I’m only 18 and still learning. Since my cousin is 35 and my parents are in their 40s, they have more experience than I do. I just want to learn from their mistakes so I won’t make the same mistakes as them.

Thanks for the input though.

Lou

Some men, some women too, think the grass is always greener on the other side. You will very often see men leave relationships, looking for something better, and then when they don’t find it, they want to come back.

While the women are heartbroken at being left, inevitably, after time to heal, moving on, (very often losing weight, changing they’re style) they then don’t want the man back! He wants to come home and she is not interested.

You say your dad regretted cheating on your mum, and about the consequences that followed. Men think with their penises. From my own personal experience, my ex husband cheated on me. I found out. It was only when he saw the devastation with his own eyes that he realised the hurt he’d caused. Not only had he hurt me, he’d hurt the children, and our parents (who were very upset about the whole situation) I remember asking him “did you not think of the consequences of your actions before you cheated?”. He said no….He never, at any point, thought further than what he penis wanted.
Once he had moved out, living in a tiny flat on his own, and having to spend his evenings alone, did he finally realise the consequences of his actions, of what he’d thrown away…for what….a quick fling. I wished him and his penis a very happy future together and got on with my life. 8 years on he’s still alone, very miserable, and still says he regrets what he did.

With hindsight though, it was the best thing he ever did to me! I’m much happier now

Love isn’t logical – and neither is it easy to define. Sure, we all know it makes us feel good, but we use that same word, “love”, to describe how we feel about a dog, a baby, a spouse, an outfit, or a grandmother. And all of those feelings are very different indeed!

Scientists have tried to break down love into different forms – eros (sexual), agape (service), philia (friendly), and more. Most relationships are started with one form of love and change into another, or several, over time. Long-term relationships tend to go through phases of different types of love, with the concentration being on companionship and stability, not excitement, as time goes on.

Men may start with strong sexual attraction to a woman, or erotic love, and in their desire to keep that attraction they commit emotionally in a relationship.

Then, as attraction fades into comfort, the TYPE of love they feel can change too. Since the woman no longer “excites” him the way she used to, he may begin to doubt if he really loves her. And it’s not until ALL the good things that he experienced with that woman are gone that he realizes that love isn’t just about attraction – it’s also about comfort, security, friendship, etc.

In women, the initial attraction may not be about sex, but about romance – AKA mania – stars in your eyes, heart beating fast, puppy-love romance. And when that begins to fade, the woman may either try to force the romance to reignite, or withdraws and finds “sparks” elsewhere. Again, missing the signals that the type of love has changed can lead to disaster in the long run.

My mother used to say that if we married everyone we loved, we’d all be polygamists. Getting used to heartbreak and assimilating it into our lives is part of what growing up is all about. Learning what HEALTHY love feels like, and how to maintain it, is a lifetime process.

And the ONLY comment I’m going to make on Stephen’s post is that the lack of strong sexual dimorphism in hominids, tracing all the way back to multiple Australopithecine species, is ONLY found in monogamous pair-bonding social animals. The more extreme the physical differences between the sexes are, the less likely the animal is to form monogamous bonds. Humans have very low-impact sexual dimorphism, and all throughout their development as a social unit the bond between male and female regarding the care of offspring has been monogamous (as individual hunter-gatherers, the male’s search for an appropriate amount of food and shelter is minimized by having a single “mate” to care for young and keep them safe.)

In other words, Stephen, if you’re arguing for a BIOLOGICAL or HISTORICAL excuse for infidelity or polyamory, you’re going to fall sadly short. If your argument had been that MODERN society discourages monogamy, I’d have been more inclined to take you seriously, even if I don’t agree.

I think its great your trying to learn, understand and grow from these experiences but the fact remains people are inherently selfish, some more so than others and if their needs aren’t being met they will go seek it with someone else, whether your male or female.

In the instances your speaking of, the men weren’t feeling satisfied in the relationship and tried to chase that elusive happiness somewhere else. The regret ultimately comes from ‘guilt’ of not being a better partner to their wife/mate. They ultimately came to learn that seeking happiness from others is not the pathway to happiness—it ultimately has to come from within YOU! If two partners are overall happy with their life by engaging in activities, hobbies and surrounding themselves with people they enjoy spending time with, it bleeds into the relationship and the partnership will be happier, stronger and last longer!

I have no regrets leaving my husband, it was the best thing I did; however I do have some regrets (guilt) as to how we reached that point and maybe if he and I (it takes two) had done this or that it wouldn’t have reached the point it did. This is a normal feeling people experience when they’ve had time for self reflection and/or learn that the grass isn’t always greener and wish they had done or handled things differently and regret not doing so.

As a side note: Sometimes the grass is greener yet one can still harbor some regrets about a past relationship yet it doesn’t mean you want to go back them or that it would have changed the outcome eventually so my advice is to never ‘hang on’ for the sake of hanging on or you risk falling into a dysfunctional and toxic relationship that makes both of you miserable and that’s no way to live!