Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Why does he flirt but not make a move?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by Konfused.
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Konfused
I have this guy friend- N. I’ve known N for a few years now, but only through his dad and brothers (all of whom I have worked with or currently work with). But our communications never went beyond seeing each other occassionally at the bar or in passing. About 6 months ago, N applied for a job opening where his brothers and I currently work and he was hired. Over the last few months we have become friends and gotten to know each other better.
About a month ago things changed drastically. N and I were hanging out at a friend’s house and we were left alone. He began talking to me and telling me about his life at home and his relationship with his brothers and his dad- and it’s not good. As he is talking to me and sharing with me, he’s crying and very upset. I do my best to comfort him and offer him support.
After that night, I’ve noticed my feelings for him growing more and more. He flirts with me like crazy at work- one of his brothers even made a comment to my best friend that it seemed like N has some interest in me- and always drops hints at going out and doing something outside of work. But when I say “Well if you want to go bowling/to the movies/to the bar just let me know. I’m down!” he doesn’t ever make a move.
I guess my big question is… why is he showing signs of interest, but backing off when I give him the option of asking me out? Should I just go for it and ask him myself? My only concern however is I don’t want to ruin our friendship or my friendship/working relationship with his brothers. I feel like he likes me, my best friend said she thinks he likes me, and one of his brothers even says he thinks N likes me. So why isn’t he making a move? I’ve sent very clear and obvious signals to him that I’m interested. I just haven’t outright said it due to fears of rejection/ruining our friendship.
How do I proceed with this?
TallspicyYou do nothing, just as he is. He is not making a move because he does not want to. I suggest you really open yourself to others and put this dude at the back of your mind.
Reminder. He is not making a move because he does not want to or is incapable, both are unacceptable.
cupcakeAgree with Tallspicy. He isn’t asking you out because he doesn’t want to. You might be misinterpreting his flirting or he might have other reasons for not making a move. As for asking him out. you already kinda did no?Suggesting doing something after work and he didn’t reciprocate. i would leave it. I was in a similar situation once.
cupcakesorry didn’t realise it cut off my post. What i wanted to say was
I was in a similar situation once. Thought a guy was totally into me and flirting constantly, but never made a move. So i took the plunge and asked him out and was shot down. Turns out he had just recently been dumped by a love interest and was feeling really hurt. Flirting with me was his way of boosting his ego and confidence and to get over the pain of being dumped. Not saying thats the case here, but there is usually a reason why a guy doesn’t make a move.JoAgree with cupcake. He’s flirting for a bit of attention and an ego boost. If he were interested in dating he would have asked you out.
KonfusedAs much as I hate to admit it, I think you folks are right- thank you for your honesty. He likely just sees me as a friend- perhaps a trusted friend- and nothing more. I’ll keep my options open, but I need to stop actively pursuing him. If he wants my attention he’ll have to make more of an effort 😊
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