Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Why does he text me once a week if we've been dating for 2.5 months?
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Jordan.
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Liz
I’ve (24 dating 25 year old guy) been dating banker for a couple months and I know he’s busy, but he only texts me once or twice a week and sometimes goes two weeks without seeing me. He said about a month ago he wasn’t ready to commit because he rushed into it before with bad results. When I’m with him he’s very attentive and we have great quality dates … And we still haven’t slept together at my insistence. Is he just interested in me casually or is he just insanely busy and I need to be patient ? Also what is reasonable timeframe to insist on commitment? Thank you!!!
Andrea
Keep dating others, will save you a lot of anxiety. His interest seems very low and if he think because he made mistakes of going fast by leaving you hanging for two weeks is going to work, I think its just an excuse.
V
The better question is, why isn’t he calling you? Texting is cool and all, but when you’re dating and getting to know someone, phone calls and formal dates is the way to go. Can’t really get to know someone through texts.
Me personally, I think this is just a casual thing. You can’t expect relationship treatment from casual dating, because well, it’s casual. It’s sporadic, not consistent. He may be busy who knows, but if this isn’t moving fast enough for you, you have the option to walk away.
2-3 months is enough time to determine if a man wants to enter into a commitment with a woman. You don’t bring up commitment because that’ll turn him off. He has to bring it up and since it’s already been 2.5 months and he says he’s not looking for a relationship right now, then you need to believe him and walk. Don’t wait around and give him “time” to sort out his life. Keep it moving, and if he’s interested, he will catch up to you, IF you’re still available :)
Maria
Think about yourself and what YOU want. Do you like having to wait for 2 weeks to hear from your guy? Do you like him not calling and only texting once a week? hearing he is not ready for a relationship?
You were smart not to sleep with him, so as V. says, believe him, and date others. I am sure he is dating others as well. You owe him nothing.
Good for you not to invest your emotions into him, smart girl.
Jessica
I would date others. I don’t think his interest is high. How many dates have you been on? A few? Just doing the math of the possibilities in 2.5 months? Usually when a guy really likes a girl -he will be in high pursuit in the beginning – higher than this guy’s – he would be texting you every day or every other day. Even if he was busy.
My BF is a doctor and he texted me almost every day the minute we met. Even now, two years later, he works 15-16 hour days and he texts me every day from work – and we usually talk at least once during the day. We aren’t living together and his parents are visiting from overseas but he still comes over after work – last night at 11:30 to say hi and give me a kiss – even though he has to get up at 5:30 am. A busy guy will make time.
The guy who makes that time for you is someone you should consider – I would put this guy on the back burner.
Liz
Ok, thanks for all your advice! Texted him saying his lack of communication and moving things forward makes me think we want different things and so I think we should break up. Do you think he’ll respond/how long does it take guys to respond to texts like this? There’s some horrible part of me that hopes he’ll tell me he actually doesn’t want to lose me and he wants to commit…I know this is unlikely and bad thinking on my part. I am still shocked that I texted him that things are over…
Xyz
Well, at least you will have your answer if he responds.
The problem with that text is that you really can’t ‘break up’ with someone you are not in a relationship with. All you are really saying is that you don’t want to date anymore…I think you are/were way more invested than he is.
What you describe sounds like just casual dating.
Gemini615
Doesn’t seem like he’s too interested if he can’t make you a priority. I wouldn’t call it a break up since you’re not even together technically but I agree you should end things. Good for you for not sleeping with him too, especially since he won’t commit.
Don’t waste any more time on him.
Options2
Bankers are competitive – some of their career life span could be short due to economic sutuation. They are not like doctors.
If he is in his competitive mode, you are not likely to be in his mind frequent. You too just merely dating. Why make it such a big deal? I don’t think you like to break up with multiple guys in a year. Keep yourself open until you hear the committment word. That way you reduce the chance of constantly breaking up with guys not suitable for a meaningful relationship
Amy S
Yup. Young guy very exciting and all consuming job. This guy wont be comitting any time soon and neither should you be. Get out and have fun with others and dont rush to commit to anyone. x
Sonia
Liz, I came across this forum when I was seeking answers about a guy I had been dating for two months. Met him about year ago dated four months, stopped dating and then he came back six months later and we started dating again. He would only text me once a week and only to make plans to go out. After a month the contact dropped to every other week.. No contact in between dates but when we were together things were awesome! I finally got the courage to ask him if he dates other women as well and he said he casually does. That hurt because I wanted to be exclusive with him. I then told him I wanted more and that he was content dating others so that we should stop seeing each other. I left him a voicemail message. The next day he sent me a message saying “ok Sonia take care of yourself” it hurt but I’m realizing now that I was never a priority for him because he didn’t fight for me! I’m having to move on, so I recommend that if the answer is not what you are hoping that you do the same thing!
lola
He made it clear he doesn’t want a relationship. I think he’s holding out for the goodies, and probably doesn’t have time to chase anyone else down for it. Good for you for holding out. I would date others, and let him know it. “I went to dinner at blah blah restaurant last week and it was awesome”…. that kind of stuff. Let him know you’ve got a life- and go get one! :)
Sunisrising
I am amazed that you could feel so much for someone who barely connects with you and that it lasted 2.5 months.I think for you, you were in a relationship with him and I don’t know what gave you that impression since he barely communicates in between and he did tell you he’s not ready to commit. You practically wasted time with this one and not sure why because his behavior speaks volume for someone who definitely does not want to commit. Let it go and not sure why you’d think you broke up with him because you weren’t in a relationship.
Amy
He’s not interested in a commitment for whatever reason (his reason doesn’t really matter). If you can enjoy dating him for fun and also date other guys, then continue seeing him. If you are going to secretly feel resentful or hope he changes his mind, I would break things off with him. However, I would not tell him it’s because you are seeking something serious. It sounds like you genuinely like him and have fun together; you should leave the door open with him in case things change down the road and he is ready for something serious. If you do break things off with him, I would just tell him, oh, I’m so sorry right now, I’m too busy with work (or some white lie) to really be dating much but I hope we can stay friends. Then, do NOT contact him. It’s always better to let men come to you so you don’t make yourself look desperate.
As for your question about what is a reasonable time frame to demand a commitment, every relationship is different. However, you can’t demand something like this. In fact, women who nag the guy about committing are less likely to get that commitment they seek. If you are carefree and enjoy the relationship in the present without worrying about the future, the man is much more likely to want to commit to you and then he will bring up the issue. If you feel like you want a commitment from the guy but aren’t getting it, start seeing other people. And above all, do not bring up what are we, when are you going to commit, etc. This will make any man run for the hills.
Jordan
“He said about a month ago he wasn’t ready to commit.”
You should have broke things off as soon as he said that. Women think that if they “stick around” long enough the guy will change his mind about her but it never works. The next woman he ends up with might be the one that makes him commit. But you shouldn’t stick around to find out. Stop accepting crumbs from this guy. He’s just not that into you.
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