Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Why does he want his cake and eat it too?
- This topic has 20 replies and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by
Andrea.
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HelloHello
I told a guy I was interested in him, he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, I was fine with that because I had just broke up with my own boyfriend. Anyway, he started having feelings for me, we’d go on dates without the title boyf/girlf, we had sex a few times, it was good without a title, which I was fine by it. I knew he didn’t want a relationship as he told me first hand. He’d also introduce me to his friends and family, he’d often stare at me, be in the same room as me, the typical boy interested in a girl but still no title. I was fine again. We were just having fun as long as we are both on the same page. I was harmless flirting with a guy friend of mine, my guy friend told me he said “you know Sarah (me), be careful, don’t do that”. My friend joked with him saying “Sarah and Jake (my friend) were holding hands” then he said “don’t touch Sarah”.
Then I called his dates off as I wanted to be single and meet lots of guys, I moved to Thailand last July. Before I moved, he’d get jealous whenever he saw me dancing with another dude, he didn’t want me to go Thailand because he was scared I’d meet someone new, his friend said “why do you want to move if you’ve got something there in front of you?”
He doesn’t want to be in a relationship but he gets jealous every time I’m with a guy. I’m still single, I can do what I want.
yams
I’m not sure what the problem here is. Do you still want him to ask you to be his gf? If not then just move on and tell him you’re no longer interested.
If you do want him to take a step forward then you have to make car to him that if you’re single, you’re entitled to act like you’re single. If he wants to take you off the market then he should do something about it. He can’t have it both ways. Make it clear that if he doesn’t make his mind up, you’ll take the decision for him and move on.
Harley
Agree with yams.
Ali
You were doing the same thing to him it sounds like… All the pros of having a bf but without the title so you were free to flirt around with other guys.
If you weren’t fine just being casual, you should’ve said so awhile ago.
Ivy
“Why does he want his cake and eat it too?”
Why wouldn’t he?Why do you want your cake and to eat it too and why are you upset that he wants his cake and to eat it too?
Your post makes 0 sense. If you are ok with casual then you shouldn’t care what he wants or doesn’t want.
Hello
Because I don’t get jealous when he’s with another girl and I allow him to see other girls, I don’t complain. He’s free to choose who he’s with, I’m OK with no strings attached BUT with him, he doesn’t allow me to be with other guys, seen with other guys and DATE other guys.
So it’s OK from me with him seeing other chicks BUT it’s not OK with me seeing other DUDES?
How is that fair?
Hello
@Ivy I’m upset because I allow him to be with other girls but he won’t allow me to be with other guys. After all we’re not boyf/girlf.
The other day he went out with a group of friends and had girls in the pictures with a bottle in his hands. I was fine with it, BUT when he sees pictures of me with other dudes, he gets jealous. Tell me that’s not fair when we both aren’t exclusive and committed?
So that’s why I asked “why does he want his cake and eat it too?” I’ve learned how to deal with him being with other girls, I know I can’t have it both ways, he should learn that as well.
Hello
I’m asking this question not because it bothers me, but it’s a bit of a COMMON SENSE that people need to learn that they can’t have things both ways. When will guys learn this? Are they too dumb to know that if she’s not their girlfriend, she can date with whoever she wants? I just want to know why people like to have things both ways when they clearly know that you can’t? It’s just the dumbest thing to think that way….
mel
What can we say some guys are like that. If you don’t like that he is being that way then cut contact with him
Ivy
“@Ivy I’m upset because I allow him to be with other girls but he won’t allow me to be with other guys. After all we’re not boyf/girlf.”
He doesn’t allow you to be with other guys? Your FWB with this guy is not working out, I wouls say reiterate the rules with him and tell him to accept that both of you will see other people or the FWB non-relationship is off.
That is the part you control, you control your reaction to his behavior.
If this doesn’t work for you then ditch him as an FWB.
Sherri
I agree with Ivy. You are not a child and he your parent for him to “allow” you to do anything. If you were exclusive sure then you are going back on ur exclusivity commitment. But if not … he has no right to allow or disallow you anything. And you “allowing” him to have a say is giving him way too much control and no control for you in this non-relationship.
FWB is just that “friends with benefits”. If it becomes too much of a chore …. you choose to leave it.
You cannot control anyone’s behaviour but you can control what you choose to accept. That means you cannot control his “jealousy” in this non-relationship but you can control of telling him that this behaviour will not be tolerated by you and if he does it again, you can control your reaction of dumping him.
Mel
FWB means you have control. You can live your life however you want and he comes over and services you that is how it works NO FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS involved and jealousy is an emotion. Quite frankly I wouldn’t put up with it.
Sherri
Mel…. hahahaha I loved the words “services you”. It makes me think about a car. I love getting “serviced” by my FWB ;) .
Cleo
HAHAHAHA, services you. That was a good one. And honestly Hello, you both are “Having your cake and eating it to”. It sounded like throughout your post that you want to be his gf even though you declared later on that you want things casual, so I am a bit confused. And, I agree with the above posters that if you can’t stand his jealous ways then to just leave him be. Guys will be jealous, girls will be jealous. We can’t control someone’s actions or emotion, only are own. So, this guy is jealous in nature, but it doesn’t mean every guy you will meet will be.
Some people just act like that. I can’t explain why they do it’s just in their nature.
Hello
@Cleo, no I don’t want to be girlf, I just don’t like someone controlling me, anyway, this Monday I will dump him.
I just don’t understand why people want to have their cake and eat it too.
Hello
Thanks for all the advice!!
Miriam Rodriguez
I recently went out with a guy that said he wanted a interrelationship, but that if he at any point he was not getting his sexual needs met he would find someone how would. and said its not a personal thing.He also said that if he was getting all he wanted from one person he wouldnt have to go eals were. Is it just me or is this man a great big asswhole
Maria
Miriam, you need to start a new post. You’d get more replies, this is a very old post.
To answer your question, in my books, this guy is an asswhole. I would stay away. He is cynical and this type of mentality only gets worse with time. You will get to “experience” it in other ways with this guy and it will not be pleasant. Find someone who is respectful and enjoys nice romantic things. There are still many guys like that around.
Julia
Who cares why he thinks or wants what he wants? He isn’t interested in being your boyfriend, or he would be in an exclusive relationship with you. Don’t waste your precious time and energy thinking about this guy or whining that his behavior isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair.
Ladies, ladies, ladies…please for the love of all that is sacred, STOP asking WHY. Why doesn’t he like me? Why didn’t he call? Why does he do this, that, and the other. You are NEVER going to know. Even if you were to ask the man, he would not be completely honest with you, as he has no incentive to be. All of you will be much better served evaluating if the men you date make you happy. If they don’t want to commit, or they disappear for weeks at a time with no explanation, or they tell you they love you and don’t follow it up with actions, or they dump you and then immediately start dating someone else…the reason why is irrelevant. There are a ton of great guys who will not act in such a way that you have to wonder why, but y’all are never going to find them if you keep wasting your energy asking questions to which there is no answer. Okay, I’m stepping off my soap box now. I just had to say this. I am so tired of reading posts of women asking why, when common sense dictates it’s a pointless question.
Nellie
Ehh boys like this are everywhere and we call them fvckboys.
“I don’t want you but i don’t want anyone else to have you”
Typical fvckboy.(Keyword: boy)
Andrea
Even in Bed Buddy situations, men still want sole sexual access to a woman–even though he doesn’t love her or want her romantically. If you were to meet someone else, his easy sex could vanish.
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