Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Why guys online take it personally wen you tell them you don't want to see them
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JESS.
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JESS
I’m online dating and I meet guys on he first, second and third date, if there’s no chemistry I tell them there’s no spark and they get upset. It’s not like we know each other and it’s not like we’re official. If a guy ghosted me or if he says he’s not interested in me I move on. I don’t get upset cos there’s no commitment.
Raven
There’s a lot of weirdos out there!
You’re doing the right thing… Keep lookingKathy
When I was online dating I would never tell them there is no spark. Sometimes I would put it on myself and say things like I am older than you, this won’t work. I never said anything negative to their face. I might text and say We are not a match. If they were cool, which most were, they would just move on.
If they weren’t cool about it, I just would never respond again.
Easy peasy..Nellie
Because of male entitlement and fragile ego.
tammy
when men react this way why tell them there is no spark?? just tell them you don’t think you guys would be a good match and leave it at that. that’s what I do. I just tell them we are very different with different thought processes and hence not a match.
Lane
There really is no nice way to reject someone no matter how you put it. I’ve tried to put it in a nice way, such as “we are too different” but that doesn’t always work, and they get bent out of shape so you’re essentially damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Some people are just overly sensitive and will get their feelings hurt regardless of how “nice” you say, or do it.
I believe honesty is the best policy. If there’s “no spark” (no romantic feelings) then telling them that shouldn’t be ruffling feathers. In fact, I think it should be a world-wide acceptable reason for not wanting to date someone you either didn’t have or even lost “the spark” with :o) Sure would make it a heck of a lot easier if there was a universal code to end dating that everyone accepted haha
Tallspicy
Well, I hope you are waiting until they contact you. And given your fairly direct way of communicating, try some kindness.
Bob, thanks for reaching out. While I appreciate the invitation and I know we have been out a few times, but upon reflection I don’t think we are a match. It has been lovely spending a little time with you, and I bet a great woman will snatch you up soon! Best of luck to you!
If they push back simply say:
Bob, I know this must be disappointing, and it is not my intention to hurt your feelings. I truly do wish you the best and happiness.
Then stop responding.
I once has been out with someone 3 times and I called him to end it as I was sure he was going to try to make it more serious. I assured him he had done nothing wrong and it was just bad circumstances (I became exclusive with someone else).
Be kind. You would want that if you liked someone.
That’s it.
Tammy
I agree with tall spicy.. why cant we be kind? When i was younger i wld say sorry i dont think there is any spark between us. But now i alwys say no in a way that the person wont be offended.
But yes if the person acts too despo and keep piling on or talks mean, then thats differnt..then its probably best to ignore.JESS
Hi all,
thanks for the tips. It’s not even me just saying we don’t have sparks. I do tell them it’s not working out and they just get really upset. I mean we don’t even know each other yet, he might not like me if we do get closer.
Thanks anyway.
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