Why is he being so mean? Completely blowing me off

Oh Trina you really need to stop! I know its HARD when you feel rejected but constantly reaching out actually hurts you more than helps. Step in his shoes for a minute. What if you told a guy you didn’t have those feelings and he kept texting you, going off face book, and then adding you again when you refused to respond? You would think he was needy, clingly and give you that yucky feeling….same concept.

I KNOW you were trying to act ‘friendly’ but he didn’t trust you yet because he was very clear on the NSA thing, but you weren’t, so he needed to pull back a bit to give you a little time and space to clear your head and may have reached out again in a week or two to see how you were doing, but your pushing made him pull back further. Like they say “for every action there’s an opposite reaction” so when a man pulls away, you pull away…when he pushes, you push. Get it? :-)

Stop contacting him, best thing is to leave him alone, if and when he wants to get in touch with you, let it be because he wants to, and not you forcing things. Sounds to me like you should just move on, do your own thing. You may not think so now, but he probably did you a huge favor, at least you won’t become more invested in a guy who does not feel the same way about you the way you feel about him. I am sure there are Lots of other guys out there that would love to be with you!!!

He’s not a lying pig.

You turned him off. As lane says, have you never had a guy fancy you when you didn’t like him back.

Any steps he takes to convince you to be with him, turns you off more.

Most people say they want to stay friends because its hard to tell someone to go away. Its less hurtful and more gentle to offer friendship. Communication may then start again weeks or months later. But not days. You need time to let your feelings die down. It took me 3 months of no contact to lose my feelings for a guy friend I have. Now our friendship is better than ever and my crush is over. He’s much more relaxed and communicative now that he knows I’m not drooling over him. We’re now very honest and open and close. Now its real.

5 days of no contact is not enough for you to lose your feelings. You probably came across a bit too keen and he was put off by that. We’ve all been there! (every guy I’ve fancied has not liked me back. I turned them off with my chasing and over eagerness). Its a tough lesson to learn, but learn it you must. Its experience and will make the future better.

Trina, he didn’t lie to you. He wants to be friends, but your clingy needy behavior has caused him to back off, indefinitely. Men have are VERY GOOD at feeling when the girl is acting needy, and when this happens, they pull away. Ask him questions, share your emotions, text/call him…will just drive him further. Any guy doesn’t respond well to this behavior. They do not want to be chased, even for friends.

Let me ask you, do you have any other guy friends? Do you expect them to act a certain way with you, and if you don’t hear from them you freak out and do what you just did with this guy?

You are clearly more invested in your so called friendship than he is. If you really want this guy to be friends with you, don’t force it. Let him be. And treat him like how you would a normal guy friend. You don’t question his actions, you don’t freak out when you don’t hear from him, you don’t get affected when he no longer does what he used to do. In other words, no expectations or hard feelings.

Don’t reach out any longer. You’ve done too much damage already by doing so. Focus on yourself and heal.

I agree with the other girls saying he didn’t lie to you. Men are simple. They mean what they say. So when he said he cared about the friendship, he meant it. But how he shows that he cares is different from yours, simply because he’s a man and you’re a woman–two different creatures. You can’t expect him to care for the friendship the way we do.

You accuse him of being a liar because you think he’s not being honest when he said he wanted to be friends. To you, honesty is if he had said “we cannot be friends because of your feelings”. That’s unfair because we’re telling you, he’s being honest. Your interpretation and expectation are what’s hurting your feelings. You’re also playing victim by saying he had all the time to say he didn’t want to be friends. You insist that you are lied on. And you say, he ignored you and had you wondering what you had done wrong. You’re putting the blame on him.

I’ve always believed that women get hurt not because of the man’s words or actions but because of how we women interpret them. In other words, we are rsponsible for what we feel.

Also to answer the other post, no i don’t talk to my other guy friends this much. We went a few weeks before the NSA talk where we were just friendly and would take maybe once a week. The problem is though i feel responsible for this. I was clingy and pushed him away from me even as a friend it seems, and now i feel I am to blame and have been reaching out to try and fix it because i don’t want to loose the friendship. The problem is i think i am too late.

Trina, it’s okay. Just take this as a lesson. Now you can heal. Just focus on yourself and fill your time with lots ot things to make you happy. If he reaches out, and you are ready to talk, then go ahead and talk to him like how you would a normal guy friend. No special treatment. If he doesn’t, it’s okay, you don’t need his friendship anyway. You are the most important here :)

Hi Trina.

I don’t think it was a mistake, it was a reaction to the way you were feeling at the time and I think it was for the best so you can move on faster. Just let it go for now—there’s nothing you can do at this point in time, so just accept it for what it is and take time to heal.

If at some point in the future HE reaches out, you’ll be in a much better state of mind to decide if you would even want him as a friend. Take care of you—go to the spa, have a girls night out, and do some fun stuff! :-)

When I cut off mine, he got confused and thought I was mad because I didn’t give him a headsup about defriending (we parted on good terms btw but agreed on not talking for awhile). The reason why i defriended was because seeing his name was painful and prevented me from moving forward. And then I realized it hurt me a lot more when I defriended, it’s like really over. i felt like what I did was rude and immature since to him, he thought we ended nicely. But looking back it was also the best move because I was able to truly move on :)

Trina, instead of looking it as a mistake, look at it as an opportunity to heal and be detached from someone who doesn’t share the same feelings. Right now you still value this guy and want him so much in your life I understand, so best to let the feelings die first and heal. If when the time comes, you feel really okay, and he reaches out, then I see no harm in talking to him :) But now just focus on you and do your best to forget about this guy.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It doesn’t sound like he was lying… remember that men think differently than women. In addition, it sounds like you’re feeling really anxious about the situation. That will make the separation between his reality and the meaning you tie to his behavior even farther from the truth. Been there, made a fool of myself many, many times… really and truly, the best thing you can do is what many others have already said… give him lots of space. Focus on yourself. Don’t get in touch with him again. If you really need to, maybe give yourself a timeframe. Let’s say 2 or 3 months (no less than 2 months, in my opinion). If you haven’t heard from him in 2 or 3 months (pick a time and stick to it) then you can reach out with something kind, just saying hey I saw this thing that reminded me of you, I hope you’re doing well.

He needs time to miss your friendship (which takes a LOT longer for men than for women). And you need time to get over him. I broke up with a guy and, because I wanted him back, I made myself wait at least 2 months. I was the one to reach out and we met up for a drink and I realized I didn’t even want him back once all my emotions and hormones had worn off. We are now good friends and he’s a great source of help and advice about dating dilemmas.

I hope it works out for you and that you’re able to find some way to distract yourself or soothe yourself so you don’t reach out again. Pay attention to what happens when you have reached out. You feel anxiety, so you reach out to ease that, right? But what is the result? Does it actually make you feel better? Probably not. I’m guessing from experience that you probably feel even worse…and then you have even more urge to reach out in an effort to fix it. But it’s a losing battle. The only thing that will fix this is time.

Lots of love! Hope that helps!

Honestly, it’s seems he was using you as a rebound to get back up or just to get a kick out of you. I had a guy use me for sexual things for 4 months before I realized the bastard was only using me to get off. You can find someone SO much better and that jerk doesn’t deserve you. But next time don’t spam the guy.. Makes you look creepy.

I strongly agree with you Trina that this guy could have handled things alot better. He probably didn t set out to be a pig, maybe that was his way of trying to let you down gently. All the same, I agree that it wasn t right. I am sorry to hear about that. As others have suggested, I think its best to stop making any kind of contact with him and work on moving on. It won t happen straight away, but if you give things a bit of time, and try to focus more on other things, im sure you ll get there. Im going through something sort of similar just now, and having to do this. It s not something i m finding easy, but at the same time I know if i don t ill just be making my situation not worse rather than better. I really am sorry again. Hope you soon start feeling at least a bit better.