Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › why is he suddenly so obsessed
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
T from NY.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Nadine
I have been seeing this guy and we both agreed that we are ok with casual dating and kind of going with the flow. He recently said to me that he had the best summer ever and that I was a part of his best summer and he would like to carry on seeing me and give it a try.
He acts like my boyfriend though , good morning, goodnight, texts me all day, arranges dates, always initiate contact . We are both exclusive even though it won’t lead to anything serious.On Sunday when we met he didn’t want to let me go and since then he is acting weird. Whenever I read his message (he texts a lot) and don’t reply because I am busy etc he will send me another message usually with my name or something funny just to get a response like he was worried that I am suddenly going to disappear . Also I have noticed whenever I am out or he thinks I might be out he will send me voice notes instead of texts like he was checking if I am not with another guy, which I find a bit controlling? or maybe it is just me. During the summer he was busy with his friends, festivals , going out etc but we still saw each other 2-3 times a week , now he also wants to spend whole weekends with me…
what is happening here? why he is suddenly so obsessed?
Peggy
Hi Nadine. Guys often say they just want casual and to go with the flow….they want to keep options open early in the dating process. And many guys have no intention of anything else.
But if you are exclusive that is a step above casual in my opinion.
It sounds like he may be falling for you, want more. I can’t tell if you hope/want that or are turned off because casual is all you want or/all you want with this particular guy?
If you don’t like the direction this is going you could say ” I am confused a little. We agreed on casual and now I am getting the sense you may want more. What are your thoughts?”
Or if you like this, do nothing and see what happens. It could be he wants more but is uncertain if you do, and so he is laying it on a bit more to see how you react.Raven
You wrote this (what does it mean), “We are both exclusive even though it won’t lead to anything serious.”
Nadine
Yeah as in we are exclusive but it won’t lead to a relationship I don’t think
Claws
This is a guy in love. He is already an emotionally attached man…he likes spending time with you, calling, and texting often…he only wants to be with you. But you are just leading him on yet you can see he is attached to you, no wonder you think he is obsessed. If you don’t want all that, let him. I’m sure you wouldn’t want a guy thinking you are obsessed with him when the fact is that you love him. So please leave this guy alone if you aren’t in the same headspace as him.
Raven
Why do you think this will not lead to a relationship?
T from NY
Don’t be fooled. You can’t believe how extraordinarily attentive a man can be if he feels he can come and go as he pleases. Sure. He could be into you more now and acting like a boyfriend, but if y’all were a real couple he would lock you down and say he wanted you to go with him when he sees his friends or some of those festivals. Or you would feel comfortable just asking – Are we still on the same page? Casual? Or has anything changed for you? A guy who wants you to be his rarely makes you wonder.
All that other possessive and attention shouldn’t be confused with a man liking you more because it could just be a man marking his sexual territory and more to do with him, than you. If you’re happy with the way things are – why complicate it with labeling it? If you find yourself catching feelings – I would just start, or continue, to speak your mind about things and see how he reacts to that first. Men who are casual don’t usually allow much emotion. And eventually if you’re wanting more, you’ll have to make up your mind about if you want to stay or go if he hasn’t declared you his girlfriend.
Nadine
Yes I agree I think he just knows that I can leave anytime and now his friends are nowhere to be seen he is more into me than ever before. But I wouldn’t say he is emotionally attached,i know guys can be good at pretending I am not stupid. It just makes me wonder why sudden change like he was sensing I might leave.
On Monday he was already planning what he is going to cook for us on Saturday… who plans this far aheadZoe
If the guy is in love he will lock you down very fast. this one doesnt so all his love is bs
Nadine
Well I met guys who wanted to be with me after 3 dates don’t think they were in love. I wasn’t asking if he is in love or if he is going to commit. I just want to hear your opinions on why he suddenly is so obsessed. I remember when we started dating his first texts were sent around 11am now since that Sunday he messages me as soon as he wakes up.
He said to me he doesn’t want to date anyone else and like someone said that’s not really being casual is it ?Bougiekat
Nadine, do you want more than FWB? If so it seems like the right time to approach him? You’re not going to know his intentions or true thoughts unless you ask him right?? Unless you feel like you have something to lose.
T from NY
Again I will reiterate – all his attentions – texting you when he first wakes, planning what he’s cooking COULD BE just a guy who knows he has his companionship/sexual needs locked down and sees that you’ve shown over time you respond to it WITHOUT any verbal commitment on his part.
I’m not trying to badger you for asking a question – I’m just trying to redirect your train of thought. The truth is – it does not matter why he’s suddenly acting so attentive. There are men who LIVE WITH women for years, help pay their bills, act as a parent sub to their children, sex them regularly that still.aren’t.committed to that woman.
The only way to know the REAL interest a man has in you is this formula which is pretty much gospel – Their actions plus their words, over time. Some guys are all talk and don’t physically spend time with a lady. Some men are all action but refuse to verbally commit to the lady.
Never try to riddle out a man. A man you have to riddle usually isn’t worth your time. What truly matters is how YOU feel, not him. If you’re cool with ‘whatever this is’, stay. If you truly only desire a real boyfriend, ask him what’s up.
-
AuthorPosts
