Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Why is my fwb so angry with me
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 2 years, 10 months ago by
Lane.
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nycbaby
He’s not really a FWB because we haven’t hooked up that many times, but I’m just calling it that to make it easier. He’s a guy I’ve known since last year, who was interested in me since back then, and I started a thing with him in July but since I was starting college soon, a boyfriend was not even on the table for me especially not one from my home city. He knew this, so I’m pretty sure it was clear that we would be a short term thing even though we never actually defined it. We ended shortly before the summer ended a few weeks after I’d left because he called to tell me that he was seeing someone.
Fast forward, he and her broke up and when I came home, we started things back up again. However, this is also when I started reconnecting with this guy from my high school who I always had a little thing for. Except now, I was seriously starting to fall for him and the same goes for him. We ended up sleeping together for the first time and then he asked me out. While we’re not officially together yet, I liked him enough to not want to play around with my fwb anymore. We met up, and I explained that I didn’t think we should see each other anymore due to the distance. I guess he saw through this because he seemed surprised then started pressing me until I finally told him the truth. I tried to keep it simple and that it was because I liked someone now.
But he kept pressing, saying he didn’t understand why I had to stop seeing him if it was just because I ‘liked’ someone who wasn’t my boyfriend yet. At this point, I could tell he was getting upset and so I told him that what happens with the other guy doesn’t matter because we needed to end this either way. He completely flipped out on me, accusing me of leading him on because he thought I’d said I didn’t want a boyfriend. I tried to offer to stay friends but he wouldn’t listen and has now been bombarding me with texts saying he liked me and doesn’t understand me at all. I feel awful because when I said I didn’t want a bf, I meant it at the time. But it’s different now, I really like this guy from high school and always have. I thought I liked my fwb too, until we got to know each other and I just never developed feelings for him like that. I can’t tell him that though, so I have no idea what to tell him when he keeps asking why he isn’t good enough.
Raven
You don’t owe him an explanation!
Your FWB has feelings for you.
Break it off & if he keeps bothering you, block him…He sounds a little unhinged, so keep an eye on that & let some one know, if he gets escalates.
Maddie
Did you post about this before as Fiona? You’d missed him a little after it ended and he started dating his gf but you could tell he still liked you because he kept you in his private chat, and your mom said that you should remember men have feelings, too?
Anyway, yes, he had feelings for you and was hoping you’d change your mind. His ego is already bruised from things not working out with the other girl, and he had expectations for you that weren’t reality and now he’s got no one around for comfort and probably feels dumped twice. That’s not on you if he can’t accept what you want! You were honest with him, don’t let him aggressively push down your boundaries just because he wants validation that he’s not able to provide for himself. Don’t offer to be friends, because that’s not what he is looking for. I don’t think he’s unhinged (just disrespectful in his defensiveness and generally immature) but he’s having an ego meltdown and staying in touch will only drag it out. Some men really fall for women who are somewhat out of their reach, which you always were in this entire situation, and you can’t do anything about it because it truly reflects their other issues more than meaning anything else. Raven is right, though, tell someone if your gut read on him is concerned he could escalate and threaten your safety.
You don’t owe him further explanation. If you feel compelled to say more, you can tell him he’s not respecting your decision. That there’s nothing wrong with him just because it’s not a match, you’re still figuring out what you want in the world, and that it changed over the last few months. You’re sorry it went down this way and think you both need space to move forward so you do not wish to be in contact right now. And then unfortunately you may want to block him for a while because he’ll keep messaging you if you don’t.
Lane
He obviously has strong feelings for you or he wouldn’t be acting this way. Your mom is right, men have feelings too, they just have different ways of expressing it by either shutting down or going loco. I raised two sons, so I know how they operate haha.
The best thing to do is NOTHING. Do not cut him off entirely but do not respond to his rants, and give him some time to calm down. He will most likely come back with an apology which is when you know he’s feeling remorseful for the way he’s acted. The only thing you should do at that point is respond with: “I accept your apology and I understand why your hurt. Taking a time out for awhile would be best for both of us right now, as I am busy with college so that’s where my energy will be. I wish you well.”
Short, simple and too the point. Don’t respond if he doesn’t respect your time out request, and if he asks what “awhile” means just say “I don’t know right now but I will let you know OK.” You then decide how long that will be; a few months, year, forever?
By acknowledging you know he is hurting is what he really needs to hear. Although it won’t take his pain away, him knowing you know he’s hurting may help take the edge off his anger, as would focusing the message on college, and not the other guy.
If he doesn’t stop, then block!
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