Why men pull the disappear/reappear act?

I’m actually thinking about going by his house tomorrow and making him tell me to my face what the deal is.

Yup, ghosting just doesn’t make sense. Since we have the texting option it is very easy to avoid giving bad news to someone whom you “think” might be too much into you. I think what is frustrating is “how do they know”. The beginning of a relationship is like an improv show. You play, make mistakes etc. But really does 2 date experience tell someone they can’t be with you? I also agree with the ladies in the 40 – 50 age range and ghosting at that age… really? Come on…..

Why can’t we all be upfront and honest about what our stories are.

I was just chatting with a male friend who is in his 60s about it. He’s dating a girl who he can’t be intimate with because she is uncomfortable. Well, if you are uncomfortable, figure out why and see if you can work on it. He wants to be with you so let your guard down and learn about it. There is so much baggage weighing us down that prevents us to reengage ourselves in being vulnerable to enjoy a relationship. For me, I want to learn about a guy who I have chemistry with. But with guys I don’t have chemistry with I am very direct with them. I tell them straight up. I am sorry it will not be a good fit.

Why can’t men be that way.
Are they really that sensitive to give a girl their honest feedback on how they aren’t interested?

And why can’t we be friends if it doesn’t go further than the second date? Why do they have to end it?

I would rather have a guy lie to me if he wasn’t interested in me and say “I am seriously dating someone so I can’t chat with you anymore.”… Ok.

It’s fascinating to me how being honest is so hard to do.

Thanks for sharing and being so direct Lou. What you said is no surprise to me, and it’s something we’ve tried many times to get across to women here.

But it helps to have a man validate it. That is exactly why I never give a guy a second chance who pulls that on me the first time. Fool me once, shame on you. Second time? Shame on me.

Since reading this forum ghosting doesn’t seem like a capital offense to me anymore. As ladies will tell you silence is also an answer. So the guy didn’t feel it anymore, is he obligated to go back to you and explain? I find that he will only do that if he is a real strong healthy individual, or at least is on his way of becoming one.. It’s a good litmus test on a guy – how he handles difficult situations – such as a break up.

When I think back, I haven’t particularly been ghosted, but if communication dropped and I felt a shift I have after some silence reached out (or the man has reached out), and asked questions and gotten satisfactory answers. Not happy answers, but answers that made sense from the guys point of view. This information made me a more empathic person actually and a better dater.

Nowadays, things are much different. Society has changed and men have changed their reason for dating women. In the past, men would be interested in a woman and have a goal in mind that would require a substantial investment. Even if sex was the goal, time, energy, and sincere effort at creating intimacy was often required. Dating apps and the virtual world have destroyed these efforts and instead have created a facade that makes men believe that they can have contact with a variety of beautiful women whenever they want with absolutely no effort. It is a complete farce that has devalued the significance of true relationship building and deceived men to believe that they are real casanovas because they send the most romantic combinations of acronyms and emojis. In reality, most men are completely inept at developing any sort of long-term connection with a woman because their social skills have been limited to social media.
Women play a role in this as well. In desperation, we often succumb to the belief that these men are sincere. We want to feel authentically valued and it is easy to create a story around the minimal contact we are able to have among text messages. After a number of failed dates with men who ask you to “hang out” and then won’t even buy you a cup of coffee the spirit of defeat sets in. I have so many beautiful friends who remain single and this is their experience, too. I know this story too well, myself. Unfortunately, we often allow ourselves to be treated disrespectfully because we desire relationship with men so much that we settle for whatever we can get. I have even seen many of these beautiful women become serial daters with the hopelessness that they will have to date as many men as possible so that they don’t have to think about the last horrible dating experience where their man of interest showed his true colors by admitting after a few dates that he doesn’t want anything serious after all, or, he shows extreme interest and them goes “ghost” (disappears). Women also feel an even greater pressure to have children while they are still fertile. I think our society is going to suffer the long term effects of this. It won’t happen in my lifetime but I believe that we will get to a point where marriage and authentic romantic relationships will decline so much that the human species will be led toward survival thinking. In the animal kingdom all species think about survival and humans are no different. Relationships and marriage are the catalyst to procreation and men will begin to see that in order to leave their genetic material behind it will require them to pursue women with the investment of long term relationship and monogamy. My prediction is men will have “dated” and slept with so many women that they will get tired. The value of those “relationships” will ultimately plummet to zero before it resets to its original value, or, possibly even a greater one. I hope this happens sooner than later because I gag at the idea of dating it has gotten so bad. Love and light to all of you women who are searching for something of substance in this cesspool of garbage. And to the league of gentleman out there who remain genuine in their pursuit of love and marriage in the middle of all of this chaos, I love what you stand for. You are the strength that these women are praying for.
Blessings to All.

RCS, you are probably right. I have slowly come to the realization that I may never find someone to settle down with, and if I want children, I may have to have them on my own before it’s too late, or adopt. I can no longer look to a man to provide me with the missing pieces within me, I am going to have to be enough for me all on my own. I have struggled with this realization all summer.

A friend of mine has been feeling suicidal. He said, “I feel like no one loves me.”

I said, “I feel the same way, but I know that God loves me, so that will have to be enough.”

Wow, Jason… You been divorced much? Lol

Looks fade, darling. So enjoy yourself now,because those young pretty women will have younger, handsomer and richer men to pick from than you.

It’s good to hear from guys as well. Made me realize the I should be even more careful cause a lot of them does this ghosting thing.

Al, You’re a day late & a dollar short…

This post is 1 years + old, “Jason” hasn’t been around in ages & you really don’t need to disguise as a male to get your point across…

So same situation is happening to me right now and is driving me crazy, I have been talking to this guy for 2 months, we had a friendship of 7years and it was awesome, he kept asking me to give him a chance as a boyfriend, I told him no for the longest time because I didn’t wanted to ruin our friendship if things didn’t work out, so kept pursuing me until I decided to give him a chance and I thought well we have known each other for 7 yes maybe things do work out..so we started dating and the first few weeks were perfect text all day, talk on the phone, have dates, good morning texts and all that cute stuff.. idk when things changed, one weekend he completely ignored my txts and calls,deleted me from fb and sc at this point I was so confused I just wanted an explanation and the following Monday he said baby I’m so sorry I was having issues this weekend (apparently his ex was going through his stuff and was trying to find out who I was) he said he deleted me so I wouldn’t have any drama.. I was like so you deleted the girl you’re dating instead of blocking your ex? That just doesn’t make sense and told him it was over because I didn’t trust him or believed any of the bs he was telling me..I mean all he had to do was pick up the phone call me an explain what was going on..no need to ignore my calls or txts right?? During that week he was begging me to take him back, that he was going to make our relationship work and he was going to try harder, that he wanted everything with me and that he just wanted to be with me.. So I believed him and took him back.. We spent thanksgiving together and comes Friday and he does the bs again!!! No txts, no calls, I think he blocked my number because goes straight to voice mail, I called him from my house number and because he doesn’t know is me well he answers, I’m trying to find out what’s going on and he acts like nothing is happening I’m going crazy up to the point that I want to come over his house just to get an explanation, I mean we are done, I just want him to tell me what happened if only last week he was begging me to get back together we were even making plans for the holidays and all that.. Idk what to do!! I need some advice here please!!! Today he didn’t text at all…. Should I even try to get an explanation from him??

I’ve had this happen too much recently. I feel like it’s an apedemic. People, men and women have become cowards and don’t know how to just be honest with another human being. Plus everything is done via text these days so sending “hey sorry this is not working for me” is not that hard.

I’m venting because it just happened again in the last couple weeks and sometimes it doesn’t sting so badly I just get annoyed because I feel like I’m way out of their league so when they ghost I’m like what the hell!! But this last one I felt like he was the one. I have never felt this way about someone, I just can’t help but feel like he is my person. Everything was going beyond amazing and then he went out of town and we had a tentative date for when he got back. The day he got back he sent a long text saying why he was just going to stay in.. he was sick and while he was home his grandfather was rushed to the hospital and he said he just needed to rest up and he was feeling really out of it. So obviously I was disappointed but I said feel better and hope your grandpa is doing better and then I made an inside joke about a job I had coming up. Nothing.. Nothing.. Nothing.. I finally after 5 days sent a friendly “how’s your week going” txt and still nothing. That was 3 days ago. I’m just beyond confused, usually I can pick up on red flags or when you go back through texts you see something you overlooked before. But I know he was into me, it was very clear we were both gitty and excited about this. And we both recognized the crazy amazing conversation and chemistry. And when he was away we texted and all seemed fine. So now it’s going on 3 weeks since we’ve seen eachother and 8 days since I’ve heard from him. I’m trying so hard to do everything I can to not think about it/him (work longer, go to yoga, see friends) but like tonight I can’t sleep so I’m obsessing.

I think in my case the last couple guys have ghosted after it was getting serious like meeting my family or going to a big event together and I feel like sometimes they gohst because they are not ready to lose you entirely and they think that is leaving the door open. Even though it’s not!!

But for me it is so infuriating to be ignored!!! All I want is answers, and I know I won’t get them or if I did it wouldn’t be what I wanted to hear anyways.

I am a hopeless romantic and I believe everything happens for a reason and my person and I will find eachother one day but now in my 30’s and wanting kinds that day doesn’t feel very close. I def feel like I’ve become more needy in relationships because I’m ready for that next step and I want it so badly. But this most recent wanted all of that too.. so I’m not really following suit to all the others above because I probably should just forget about him but I will hold onto hope a little longer and then just hope that what’s meant to be will be and do me.

It was really helpful reading through all of your stories so thank you for sharing!! Best of luck in your dating adventures and I will send some positive vibes and hope none of us have to go through being ghosted again!!!

Often they are dating multiple women (as us single girls are dating multiple men) and if 1 girl strikes his fancy a bit more just as you are dating, he might vanish. When it doesn’t work out, he might come back because he likes you too.

It’s obviously not always the case, but I’m pretty sure it happens a lot.