Why no 2nd dates?

All you Gotta do is move on with your life and keep on meeting new guys. most guys don’t want to take a girl out too much because they don’t have the money. Some of them just want a little attention. Hopefully one will take you to the distance. Good luck to you. You seem like a nice person.

So after doing a little online sleuthing, I see that he is actually MARRIED! According to him he’s been separated for a year, but looking at an Insta post from April, he’s wearing a wedding ring and the “ex wife’s” profile picture is still the two of them. So disgusting.

At least you know what happened, but more importantly, you now know for sure that there are many reasons these guys may flake that have zero to do with you!

You can’t gauge a guy’s interest on one good date, you need to lean back and let him follow up consistently as you get to know him. There’s a lot of men out there, especially on dating sites, who are not serious about anyone. They can want attention, validation, companionship, sex, to sneak around on serious partners or are rebounding after breakups… there are lots of agendas that aren’t about forming a real relationship or connection. There are absolutely good guys, too, but you need to filter out the ones who aren’t actually open to dating for real and are just on apps for selfish or insecure reasons. And that may not be obvious right away, since you don’t know the person yet.

So do not blame yourself when a first date doesn’t pan out, don’t wonder if you’re not pretty, skinny, or young enough. Not meeting anyone or having runs of bad dates sucks and is frustrating, but when the apps start impacting your self-esteem or making you want to pretzel yourself into what you imagine someone else’s ideal MIGHT be, it’s time to take a break.

About the spiraling into beating yourself up. You don’t want a guy who wants you to be younger and subjectively prettier more than he’s into you as a person, because we all age or get sick or maybe you’ll get pregnant and your body will change… then he’s just going to vanish for a younger version? Great, let the trash take itself out as early as possible, it’s actually a good thing when they don’t waste your time! That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be the best version of yourself you can be, or shouldn’t take care of yourself or clean up nicely for dates. There needs to be basic attraction in early dating and a bunch of that is certainly visual. But it does mean if a guy is ONLY about your age, looks, and weight and nothing else, he’s not relationship material. Also, guys don’t typically want to meet unless they like your photos to begin with, so don’t assume the issues are with your looks.

Have you been doing much to try to meet men offline? Hobbies, singles events, maybe friends to set you up? Apps can be both great and terribly frustrating, so it’s better if you can use them to expand your dating pool but not as the only way you meet people. Especially if they haven’t been working well for you so far.

Great advice so far. Remember that the majority of guys you meet online, you’ll have one date with. Just expect it. If you get past 1 date you can be pleasantly surprised. This sounds cynical, but it’s realistic. You won’t date or have a relationship with the majority of the guys you meet. No reason to personalize it, it’s just how it is.

Daisy,

Just a dating tip…stay silent once the date ends and allow the guy to reach out to you first. Otherwise, you are showing all of your cards (reference to the poker game). He neefs time to process and knowing he will have to WIN you makes him see you as a prize.

Also, read Data by Amy Webb. She worked the on-line dating sites to find her great match/husband. Again it is a funny and very insightful book,with great tips for success.