Why won't he be straight with me?


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  • This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 4 years ago by Rich.
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  • #526942 Reply
    Margie

    My BF and I dating each other for 6 months. We have never talked about commitments but he treated me like his GF. Problem is I do not know where I stand with him.

    I have brought up this topic and other things that are important to me. Like the fact his phone calls and texts have decreased considerably. Asked him why and all he said was “there was not an opportune time” (????). This is a BS answer. Most of his answers to things are excuses, vague or just plain BS.

    What is going on when a guy won’t give you straight answers to questions?

    #526943 Reply
    Mae

    “Most of his answers to things are excuses, vague or just plain BS.”

    “I do not know where I stand with him”

    I feel like more information and examples are needed here. If you’re at 6 months and if you’re official, what’s bugging you about his communication style? It’s normal for the initial pursuing (or maybe what we call “honeymoon”) phase to slow down a bit once you grow into a comfortable, loving relationship with someone. In fact, in his mind, I bet nothing is wrong.

    #526950 Reply
    Lane

    Hi Margie.

    When you start picking at or nagging a guy they find it super unattractive, will subconsciously resist, and want to do less if they can never win with you. Men don’t want to date their mothers, they want to date a lady who enjoys what he can give to them—-if she receives it positively he’ll want to keep doing it, but if she responds negatively he’ll want stop.

    Its natural for men to call less when they become more secure with their woman, and a woman who is safe and secure in the relationship wouldn’t need so much validation. The ‘shift’ always trips women up but what you don’t understand is the ‘wooing phase’ is not sustainable for a man. He is not the ’emotional’ specie, and when they exhibit too much emotions their testosterone levels drop and they need to get back to normal levels in order to function.

    Its not a man’s job to “make you happy”, that is your responsibility. A man likes knowing what HE DOES makes you happy and if you aren’t happy with what he’s doing then he’s not the right guy for you. He is a human being, fallible, and will do things that irk the heck out of you on occasion, no differently than other humans do. If the good far outweighs the bad then you have a shot of making it, but if he can never make you happy by doing what he IS DOING, he will never feel like a winner in the relationship; and eventually let you go.

    #526954 Reply
    Margie

    Thanks for the responses, I understand fully what you are saying about nagging.

    Still do not know why he won’t give me straight answers. After 6 months don’t I have good reason to question where things are going? To make sure we both want the same things? Because if we are not, then I am moving on.

    Can someone just give me an opinion as to why he gives me BS or vague answers? He is not serious about me? Feels it is intrusive and none of my business?

    #526955 Reply
    Option2

    You are still not getting it even Lane has given you an excellent advice.

    He could be a guy who is slow to make good friends. At this point his behavior is not treating you as a good friend.

    You should ask yourself if this person can be a good friend first before grilling him to be your boyfriend.

    #526960 Reply
    Mae

    You said he was your BOYFRIEND. What’s the issue? What does “where things are going” entail?

    #526962 Reply
    Lane

    Margie, do not attach yourself to a man who isn’t attached to you.

    Never give a man the power to make decisions for you. If he’s not stepping up, then you step out! He’s not holding a gun to your head, and as an adult woman you need to make decisions in your dating life no differently than you do in other areas where it comes to choosing jobs, purchases, finances, hobbies, etc.

    Holding onto a non-relationship is a horrible habit to get into. If a man isn’t putting out all the stops to win you over, then you bow out (walk away) gracefully. Never put in more effort than a man is putting into you. If he’s not treating you like your the only lady in the world he wants to be with, then let him go so you can be open and available to a man who does.

    #526976 Reply
    Van

    He’s not giving you any straight answers because he doesn’t want to give you any straight answers. He wants to keep you “guessing”. Keep you on your toes…keep you consumed with thoughts of HIM.

    If he’s that type of guy, then you be that type of gal. He exudes “mystery”, well, you give HIM mystery….don’t be an open book, hold back sometimes. Maybe he’s the type of guy who can appreciate a lil mystery in a woman. :-)

    #526994 Reply
    redcurleysue

    You are off balance and that is being done on purpose.

    You have options here:

    1) Stay as you are
    2) Try another round of communication
    3) Decide to move on

    Personally, I would move on…if a guy is vague about the future then he does not have a plan. Without a plan there is no path and without a path there is no destination.

    Make your own path and plan.

    #527001 Reply
    Sensy

    A good quote I received in a fortune cookie: Accept no other definition of your life, except your own!

    #527010 Reply
    Margie

    Thanks for all your advice everyone.

    I took particular interest in what Redcurlysue said that it is being done on purpose. This may very well be the case. I really feel this major emotional abuse if it is intentional on his part. Does he get a big kick out of playing this game?

    There are some articles on the internet which advocate men to be “mysterious” and keep the GF “off balance” so the woman will keep interested. It is supposed to make the relationship “interesting”. Sure maybe for awhile I would try to figure him out. However, as time passes, the manipulation becomes emotionally draining.

    I am leaning in a major way to walking away and never looking back.

    #833854 Reply
    Rich

    Most women talk to men like they’re a cop and the guy is a suspect. So guys a trying to figure out what it is your fishing for and what you are talking about.

    So gain his trust by your actions and not acting like a cop, and stop coming from a selfish position

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