Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Why would he do this to me?
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 1 year, 3 months ago by
AngieBabya.
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Kerrie
The guy in question is in my friend group and he’s also my friend’s ex. They broke up about a year ago and he and I hooked up over the summer. Since then we both admitted we caught feelings and we say I love you all the time, but he still hasn’t officially asked me out yet. I do have a history which I’m not proud of that he knows about but he’s never said anything about it or judged me. I thought things were going really well but recently I found out he’s pledging a frat. I went to one of their events and caught him kissing another girl. I was in complete shocked. I asked his best friend and the friend’s girlfriend how long he’s been doing this and if they knew. I was just so blindsided and I still am because I thought he really liked me. His best friend said that he said he just wanted to get it out of his system and that he might ask me out after the pledging process is over.
I don’t know what to do. Is it possible for a guy to do this to a girl he loves? Because if he really loves me, I can’t imagine why he would go around hooking up with other girls. I’m completely in shock because overall he’s a great friend, not just to me and he’s so nice to everyone. I also found out that he, his best friend, and the girlfriend all helped him cover his lie that they had to go out of state a few weeks ago when really they were here, rushing for the frats. I feel betrayed because I was completely lied to for no apparent reason. His actions said completely otherwise, he was taking me out on dates, coming to dinner with my co-workers, spending every day with me.. I just don’t get why he did this.
Tammy
So walk away girl. There really cant be any justification for cheating or lying can there? Besides there is no relatnship or committment btwn you guys. He hasnt committed to you. Or has he? He hasnt even asked you out nor asked you to be his gf.
But really the fact that hes screwing around shows hes not keen on being in a relatnship or makin you his girl friend presently. Dont wait for him to ask you out or mk you his gf. Move on and date others.
Maddie
He’s not doing it to you or because of you. He’s young and more interested in having his cake and eating it too instead of getting into a committed relationship. That’s normal enough for guys rushing frats in college and wanting to have that part of the “college experience” before they settle down.
I agree with Tammy that if you’re looking for commitment, there’s nothing wrong with that at all, but look elsewhere. If he’s lying to you to keep you from knowing he’s rushing frats, then he knows exactly what he’s doing. You don’t want the same things at this point in time, so mourn this and then find someone who won’t lie or upset you!
It’s hard to know this without a bunch of dating experience, but actions mean nothing if they aren’t backed up by words and vice-versa. The consistency is most important. If words and actions don’t line up, listen to the more “negative” of the two for the truth.
Kerrie
It just hurts a lot and it sucks especially seeing the way his best friend acts around his girlfriend. He stays away from girls and curses them off and is constantly professing how much he loves his girlfriend. He’s also rushing the same frat so I know not all guys are like that. I used to have a crush on the best friend ages ago but that never panned out and he started dating his girlfriend since March who he seems completely obsessed with. And this is coming from a guy who said he wasn’t interested in dating anyone in college. I just feel like crap and embarassed too, like I’m not good enough for either of them. It makes it worse that they’re my close friends too, it makes it all the more awkward.
Maddie
It has nothing to do with you not being good enough! Try not to blame yourself. It’s okay that it feels bad, it’s a disappointing situation, but you didn’t do anything wrong.
Kash
I agree with all the advice. But I think the exes of your own friends should never be dated. I am not saying that’s a rule. But i personally avoid it. Most friends wouldn’t like it if they find out you hooked up or dated their ex a few days after they broke up. Just not very ethical I think.
Tallspicy
Honey, this is a lesson for you: if a man has never asked you out or tried to spend alone time with you treating you well, he is not interested. If a man is telling you he loves you and is not asking you out, he doesn’t like you. If a man is not asking you out, he can do anything he wants with other women because you are not committed. Until you are committed, a man means nothing to you. If a man means nothing to you because you are not committed, he is not doing anything to you.
Kerrie
Thank you guys for the advice I really appreciate it. I just don’t get how or why a guy could do that. Like he really had me fooled. We were on the phone all the time and he even told me he caught feelings. He was meeting my co-workers, picking me up from work, taking me out doing all this dating stuff. Like I get wanting to have a wild phase because I’ve definitely done it but I thought once we started to like each other, we were cooling off on that crap. Can a guy really do that? Tell one girl he loves her but then make out with other girls at parties?
Padmini
Hi, Kerrie,
Honestly, it sounds like you need to first work on yourself. You seem to have some baggage and Self-Worth issues.
You really should not look at Others’s Situations to Compare and Contrast. And it really sounds like that Guy’s Best Friend is living a Life of Pressure from his Girlfriend. It is good to be Committed and Devoted, but rather Toxic to Curse-Out Other Girls.
It also looks like the Best Friend and Girlfriend are being rather Deceptive to you–possibly for their own Sadistic-Pleasure. If they Backed-Up the Guy’s Lies about his Whereabouts: they can certainly Lie about Other Matters.
It may also actually work to Find a NEW Friend-Group.
You could also get Therapy in the Meantime.
Good luck!
AngieBabya
It’s VERY simple Kerrie. Three words. Immature. Frat. Boy. He’ll fit right in if he gets chosen to pledge. And he’ll spend four years sleeping around, encouraged by his frat brothers. This is the age where some guys will be out there playing the field like the world is going to end tomorrow.
Stop twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to figure out what’s up with him. He’s never “formally asked you out” but you’re saying I love you?? Neither of you knows what love means. You two were just hooking up, that’s all. Sorry to be blunt, but you opened yourself up for this. You are NOT damaged goods because you have “a history” whatever that means.
You’ve learned something important here. Don’t sleep with a guy until you know him well enough to define the relationship, or at least both agree it’s going towards relationship.
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