Why would he reach out and then say he can’t meet up with me?

Because he wanted some attention, someone to text. You shouldn’t be asking a man out, wait for him to ask you first. You asked twice even though he didn’t show any interest in meeting you.

If you were going to share your “feelings for him and tell him the reason why I wanted to be friends and that I’ve been hurt in the past” it’s best that you didn’t meet…

These type of conversations never go well and are things you really shouldn’t be sharing…

You were right initially as you were prime rebound material…

I just don’t get why when I saw this weekend at a group event he was quizzing me about my latest trips out of town about who I was with and why I was gone, acting jealous and stuff. Now he won’t even meet with me in person.

So I am going to be harsh here so you get it.

He was not ever interested in actually showing up, he showed you that in how he behaved. So you expecting something different is on you.

He showed you interest at that event because he was interested in the moment, at the event. It was your job to wait to see if he stepped up after, not fill in the blanks for someone who is already flaky. So that is also on you.

Then he texted and did not ask you out. Texting literally means nothing.

You then asked him out to explain why you were friends. He did not give a hoot about that, and your willingness to be vulnerable with people who show no interest in you really is again on you.

So your lessons: lukewarm interest as shown by inconsistency and texting only deserves very minimal interaction and consideration. If you spin it into more, that is on you and shows you have some work to do. Why? Because emotionally healthy people get turned off by this behavior, not try to explain more to them.

I admit I need to do some deep emotional work. I started seeing a therapist because of this situation with him over the past few months.

From the moment we met, the first words out of his mouth were condescending and passive-aggressive. He’s a scientist and he thinks he’s so much more intelligent than everyone. Very arrogant, huge ego, and has no humility. He had a way of making me feel like I was stupid.

The first night we met he told me he needed to be in control and that I had to always have my nails painted. He was insecure that my place was nicer than his, that I had a high income, that I owned my own business, and that I had a great career and a good relationship with my family. He asked what my brother did for a living and when I told him he was a truck driver, he had a look of disgust. He bragged that everyone in his family is a mathematician or a doctor. He put down my accomplishments. I told him about a keynote talk I did at a conference last year and it was like he didn’t believe me or that I was lying.

When I first met him, he initiated all the conversations and text messages, not me. I was a bit hesitant because I did see some red flags and should have followed my intuition. He started asking if I’d ever been in love, and that it was so good to see me whenever we got together, and so on.

He always appreciated compliments from me. He asked me one day what I thought about him when I met him, etc. It always felt like I had to feed his ego. He’s introverted and I’m extroverted. At the event I saw him at this weekend, we pretty much hung out the whole time in a smaller group of 4, with two other women. I was very friendly with one of the other gals and he was mad that I wasn’t giving him more attention, so he turned the conversation on himself by telling them he was a scientist and the other women started swooning over him, saying how cool that was. When the girls asked me about my accomplishments and I responded, he was dead silent, didn’t say anything, and started messing with his phone.

I’m 6 years older than him and financially independent. His ex-girlfriend is 14 years younger and financially unstable. I found out that she’s been living here for a year and had been sleeping on the floor the whole year because she wasn’t able to afford a bed. I’m not making light of her situation, I actually feel for her.

After I friend zoned him, I joined a dating app and saw he was on there too. In his profile he was calling himself a knight in shining armor and that he was handsome and intelligent.

Anyways, I’m not blaming everything on him. I have work to do on myself for sure but this situation really screwed with my mind. Other than him being intellectual and physically attractive, I’m not even sure what I saw in this guy. That’s one of the reasons I blocked him because I’m trying not to keep him in my life because whenever I’m around him I feel like crap

Move on.
I’m not even going to trash the guy or say this was his fault.
This was on you.

You told him you just wanted to be friends but then expect him to pursue you with consistency like someone romantically interested. He was being respectful and left you alone. You met up again, text as friends, and then want to meet up but only give him a 2hr window to do so? Is he supposed to stop his life or other plans to meet up with someone who put him in the friendzone to begin with?

I may sound harsh but it irritates me when women come to forums like this complaining or trying to figure out men and their behaviors but pull stunts like this.

You treated him as a friend. He treated you as a friend. No reason for you to go into the “I have feelings for you but I’ve been hurt so I’m just going to keep you as a friend in reserves” speech.

How does rejection hurt you when you rejected him first? I”m just not sure how you expected him to behave after that or why you would expect any different.

I have to agree with Gaia. She made really excellent points.

I went back and read your previous thread. You neglected to mention in this thread that you got sexual with the guy quickly, then you friendzoned him. But like Gaia said, what do you expect this guy to do when you friendzone him? He treated you like a friend- just as you asked!

At any rate, he sounds arrogant and awful. I stand by my advice that you should move on, and work on yourself. If you need to block the guy to heal, fine, do that.