Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Why would he say let's be friends first?!
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Laura.
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Mb
I have been talking to a guy for about a month and a half, and tonight on the phone he said he wants to continue to hangout get to know each other because he is looking for the one, and he does not want to waste each other’s time. So he wants to continue to hangout get to know each other, but stated that he is not seeing anyone else, but if I wanted to see what else was out there he wouldn’t be upset by it, since we are still hanging out and getting to know each other. He said that if he started seeing, or talking to someone else that he would tell me, but that’s not the case right now. I don’t know what to make of this… Has he lost interest and he’s telling me this to let me down easy? He said that I am a great girl and beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have me… I’m feeling like I am not good enough for him that’s why he wants to take things slow, so that he can slowly let me go. He did say if we did not end up dating though that he would want us to be friends, because he does value me as a person… Any ideas as to why he would tell me this? He does know that I did go through an extremely bad 6 yr relationship where I was cheated on so I am very weary and scared of getting hurt again…
WaitWhat
I’ve said this with a few men. Most of the time when I say it it is because I see a lot of good in that person. I also see a lot of the things I’m seeking in a man. Deep down I know it isn’t all there, but I really want it to be. I also feel that person would add value to my life.
I feel like if he wanted you, like really -wanted- you, he wouldn’t tell you that he is cool with you dating others.
WaitWhat
Also, I’d start dating some other men. In my experience the minute I transfer my energy or spread my energy around, things change. He may feel you’re less focused on him and start to chase you.
Mb
Thank you for the advice. He does travel a lot for work and is very career focused at the moment. So I get where he is coming from. I just also do see a lot of qualitys that I would want in a boyfriend husband. Do I tell him that I am seeing other people or do I let him figure that out on his own?
m
You don’t have to tell him you are seeing other people. It doesn’t sound like you are even offically “dating” at the moment so it isn’t information he needs to know at this time.
Have you even met in person yet? Please don’t get hung up on some fantasy. This guy for whatever reason, isn’t ready or interested in a committed relationship with you. So are you happy to just be his friend? If so, great. If not, then you’ll probably have to tell him you have enough friends and wish him the best of luck in life.
Mb
We have, we have gone on 3 dates, dinner, drinks bowling.. We talk everyday on the phone… I thin it’s to soon to even put a dating title on it. I could consider it more of seeing each other.
Laura
I say date other guys and see how you still feel about him…only fair thing I feel you can do at this point.
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